fandomtownies | Luke’s, Thursday

"You back to normal?" The surliness was a pretty big clue he was, but Danny just couldn't help himself.

Duke pointed at him. "Shut up."

That was a yes.

Danny raised his hands in smug, smug surrender. "Not saying a word."

He was just expressing it via his facial expressions, though.

"It was not my fault."

Just wait until you got gremlin-bit, Danny. See how Duke reacted then.

(He would feel bad and try to take care of him. But there would probably be tormenting after.)

Because he was a nice person! And it would be an impasse because the video was not being deleted.

"Is the explanation something that'll give me a stress migraine?"

Duke's smile was slow and at least a little bit evil.

"Yes," he said. "You know, I think it is. Has anyone told you about the gremlins?"

"Not that I know of," Danny replied warily. "I'm guessing this isn't some Dungeons and Dragons make believe thing."

Somewhere... Magnus was thinking back fondly on the Jerk Off Tunnel.

The wh--nope, the narrative did not want to know.

"Nope." Duke tilted his head. "Well, it's probably that too. But in a way that gets it all wrong." Because, you know, D&D. "So this island has gremlins. Bipedal lizard looking things about knee-high -- or waist-high on you." Rude, Duke. He propped his foot on a stool and showed off the bite mark on his ankle. "If they bite you -- and they will -- it makes you hallucinate. Like . . . hardcore hallucinate."

Like make you think you're a lady-pig and one of your students is the frog-love of your life. Duke was still picking fuzz out of his teeth by the time he got home yesterday.

Look, Danny did his best to stop that inter-species love! Short of arresting them, of course.

"Oh, great. So I've gone from one island of god awful wildlife to an all new one," he replied with sigh, examining the bite. "And if you want to try a short joke, you're gonna have to work harder than that, buddy."

He'd been this tall since high school!

Oh hey! So had Duke.

"I'm just trying to be accurate," he said. He was not. He'd definitely been trying to make a short joke. "If it makes you feel better, the gremlins are the only really nasty wildlife you're likely to meet. The rest'll just throw logs at you or invade your privacy." A beat. "I mean, there's the sea monster, but I've only really seen that the one time."

UGH. GIANT PEOPLE WERE THE WORST.

Danny just raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the 'accurate' remark, but graciously ignored it beyond that. Then was struck by a very vivid and horrifying mental image of Steve trying to kill a kraken with grenades or an IED.

"Right. Because that's all perfectly normal."

"It is for Fandom," Duke said.

Sorry about your life, Danny.

That was quitter talk there, Duke!

"This place is more and more like a cult. You know, sunk cost fallacy shit."

Aw, Danny. You were only saying that because you couldn't leave!

"I'm just saying, man, normal is relative. I'm sure your universe has plenty of weird too that you just haven't noticed. Forest for the trees and all that."

You thought he didn't say these things about the weirdness there too? Because he definitely did. Loudly. Vociferously.

"Says the guy who thought he was a pig femme fatale."

Duke winced at the reminder. "Yeah, whatever, Cosmo. You'll end up thinking you're something ridiculous sooner or later."

At least he didn't end up with another porg imprinting on him this time.

"So. No one warned you about the gremlins. I'm guessing no one's filled you in on some of Fandom's other highlights yet, either."

Look, it was the little things that made Danny happy these days. "Such as...?"

"Let's just say that yesterday was not my first time as a 'woman'."

You should probably say more than that, Duke.

Yeeeeah.

"I support you?" Danny ventured slowly.

"That's . . . very kind of you. But not what I meant."

Use your words, Duke.

"See, sometimes Fandom likes to . . . change things up. And by 'things' I mean stuff like, say, your age. Or your personality. Or your body parts."

Danny sighed again. Loudly.

"Okay, does this place serve alcohol? Because I'm gonna need something for this conversation."

"Sure." Don't ask about Duke's questionable liquor license, Danny. "Beer do you, or you need something harder?"

THIS ONE TIME HE WAS GONNA LET IT SLIDE.

"A beer is fine."

"Coming right up. You want, uh, lunch with that?" He side-eyed the specials board again. "We have normal food. Burgers, fries. I caught some great flounder this morning."

Ugh, he actually missed fresh fish at this point too. Stupid Hawaii.

Danny gave him a look like he was assessing the sincerity of the offer before nodding and accepting it at face value. "Flounder. Sure."

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