Fandom Trooper Station, Wednesday

[hatesparadise]

"If you're doing a Secret Santa, it has to include everyone in the office," Danny said in the face of way too many nearly identical stubborn looks of the troopers.

But Danny had raised a kid and also worked with Steve for four years, he was damn impervious to such things.

"And no cheating to get Diego," Danny added, causing a groan of annoyance to ripple out. Because that guy was the easiest person to shop for, possibly ever: knives, knives, and more knives.

[Open!]

Comments

[knife_bender]

Pogo had sent Annie's Christmas and birthday presents and Diego had to wrap them somewhere where she was unlikely to be. So he was at work when he didn't have to be with wrapping supplies at his desk.

And of course he was using a knife instead of scissors to cut the wrapping paper. He liked to be on brand.

[hatesparadise]

"You're at work to wrap gifts?" At least the blatant theft of office supplies was normal enough.

[knife_bender]

"Well I can't do it at my apartment." Duh, Danny. Girlfriend privilege meant she could show up whenever and ruin the surprise.

[hatesparadise]

"Right," Danny said like that made sense in the slightest. You just learned to be fast and sneaky, you novice. "Well, you're in time to put in for the office Secret Santa. Because everyone's in it."

That last part might have been a little pointed, judging by Ralph's sullen body language.

[knife_bender]

He was a Christmas novice!

"Aw man, do I have to?" he whined. "I'm new to Christmas can't that get me out of it?"

[hatesparadise]

"Then it's good practice," Danny suggested with that one look that said Diego's childhood made him sad inside like it should any decent person. "You wanted the Santa experience, here it is."

[knife_bender]

"I'm getting the Santa experience already on Friday." Annie conned him into sitting in some weird guy's lap. "Don't look at me like that."

[hatesparadise]

He'd look at Diego like that if he wanted to!

"Well, this is the grown up part of it where you get disappointed with your co-workers and pretend to enjoy the process."

[knife_bender]

"I'm already disappointed in my coworkers," Diego joked. "I better not get anybody who sucks."

[hatesparadise]

"You've learned fast," Danny replied dryly. "You doin' a party for Annie?"

[knife_bender]

"...was I supposed to?" he asked.

He thought giving gifts and having sex after would be enough!

[hatesparadise]

"No, you don't have to," Danny granted him. "Would she like a party?"

[knife_bender]

"She hasn't said anything," Diego said. "I know I would hate to have a party on my birthday."

[hatesparadise]

Well, his birthday was shared with deep psychological trauma.

"If you don't know, just ask her." Look at that healthy advice. "If not, my suggestion is to pick up a nice meal to surprise her with. It'd earn you boyfriend points."

[knife_bender]

"Trust me, I have plenty of boyfriend points already," Diego said. "I am a great boyfriend."

Patch would like a word.

[hatesparadise]

Danny snorted in amusement, poyring himself a new cup of coffee. "Well then, you have nothing to worry about."

Other than those crippling self worth issues wrought by his dad.

[knife_bender]

"I wasn't worried before." Except now he was. Thanks, Danny.

[hatesparadise]

"You know literally nothing changed before then and now, right?" A coworker dating someone with an actual personality was new and great!

Because they'd gotten used to Actual Wet Carboard Cutout Adam Noshimuri. You know, for the kid of a yakuza oyabun, he was boring as hell.

[knife_bender]

"I know that," he said, sounding a little irritated. "Are you trying to make me paranoid?"

[hatesparadise]

"Not really." But it was funny at the moment. "Kinda surprised it didn't happen before now."

Holidays in a new relationship and all.

[knife_bender]

"If I get you for Secret Santa you are going to regret it," Diego said.

[hatesparadise]

"Eh, you'll get a gift either way." He had idiot younger siblings, he knew the score.

[knife_bender]

Ugh Danny, don't be nice to him. It made him feel sibling feelings that he tried to avoid.

"Shit, I should have done this Christmas thing before if I knew I was going to get presents no matter what."

[hatesparadise]

DIEGO, YOUR CHILDHOOD. IT WAS BAD.

"That sort of is the point."

Which was why he got Steve a new version of that gaming system he insisted on needing. Like a normal coworker. Dropping 500 bucks on a buddy.

[knife_bender]

Oh yeah that was a totally normal thing to do for a friend. Totally. Normal.

"I thought only good kids got presents?" he asked. "Or is that lump of coal thing just an empty threat?"

[hatesparadise]

Just wait until he bought the guy a fancy guitar.

"Usually just an empty threat, but some parents do it." Danny was not that sort of parent. "Growing up, we usually ended up at mass the night before in case anyone needed confessing."

It was terrible.

[knife_bender]

See, now that sounded like a terrible childhood to him.

"Suddenly I'm glad Dad raised us as atheists."

[hatesparadise]

What, didn't he want tons of guilt?

"Eh, I think some faith is good. In moderation. Too many loonies out there taking it to extremes."

[knife_bender]

"True," he said with a nod. "My dad's reasoning was supposed to be all logical like a 'there's no proof so it doesn't exist' thing. But really I'm pretty sure he didn't want any competition between him and other deity be it God or Santa."

[hatesparadise]

"Wow." Danny put a lot of judgement into that one word. "Well, lucky for you. You didn't have to choke on awful incense."

[knife_bender]

That made Diego smile slightly. "Thank you for confirming that I wasn't missing out when it came to not attending mass."

[hatesparadise]

Well, his dad deserved all sorts of judgement.

"Fish fries," Danny suggested, really trying to pull things that were good about Catholicism. "During Lent. Those were fun. But that's all I can think of off the top of my head."

[knife_bender]

Yeah the fish fries were not making things any more appealing, Danny.

"I think we have a better chance on me buying the whole Santa Claus thing," Diego said. "Annie is making me sit on some dude's lap on Friday."

[hatesparadise]

Look, Danny was already a great disappointment to his more religious relatives for marrying both a Protestant and then getting a divorce from said Protestant, so there was that.

"That's kind of adorable," he had to admit. "Try not to threaten to shank him."

[knife_bender]

"I make no guarantees." 'Cause with his luck he'd get some creeper Santa.

[hatesparadise]

"Make sure to get pictures." Because c'mon now. This was hilarious.

[knife_bender]

"I'm sure Annie is going to have that covered." He was so whipped.

[hatesparadise]

It was cute! Really it was.

"I'll make sure she shares then." It'll be a clandestine trade for more cookies.