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The Devil's Nest, Friday Night

Did the island not know Lucifer had complicated interpersonal issues to handle with? Could it not let him brood about it (and contemplate, and then decide not to, and then contemplate fleeing again) in peace? Sure, with his celestial reflexes it was remarkably easy to keep walking around like nothing was happening, but he was not amused and beginning to be convinced that the island had it in for him.

Anyway, he'd hung up the string lights Eric had murdered yesterday and the inflatable Santa Lucifer had murdered himself on either side of the front door to the Nest. As a warning to anything that might have the audacity to terrorize this club while Lucifer was in it.

It worked, was the thing.

Lucifer himself declined seating at the piano and settled in a booth in back instead. Tiny brought him a martini.

He glared.

(And brooded.)

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Dealing with Tiny is less likely to end poorly.

Who's in back with an escalating number of martinis wallowing in the mess that is his life at the moment.

When Jessica showed up to the Devil's Nest, she was covered in marzipan and had a string of Christmas lights wrapped around her.

Whereupon getting her drink she spied Lucifer sitting alone instead of at the piano. Heading over she gave him a nod.

"Misery need company? Or should I just fuck off?"

"No, please, get drunk," Lucifer said, waving at the seat opposite him. "At least one of us will be able to."

"Well, if I can help you vicariously then..."

She took a seat in the booth and was about to take a sip of her drink when she notice marzipan on her leather jacket. Scowling she grabbed a napkin and wiped it off her sleeve.

Then she took a sip of her drink.

"So. Holidays got you down?" she asked sarcastically.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Please, Christmas used to be a fantastic opportunity to pick up attractive people," he said, taking a sip from his martini. "But of course that's not happening anymore."

"You know this is the third time in as many weeks that you've mentioned you don't sleep with random strangers anymore," Jessica pointed out from over the brim of her glass. "And every time it sounds like a complaint. If you're doing this for someone you might be careful how you phrase that to other people. Because if you're doing it for them they are just going to bitch about it and make your life miserable for trying to do the right thing."

She finished her drink in a few gulps and motioned for more from Tiny.

"I speak from experience. As the person who got shit for complaining."

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "I'm not doing anything," he said, bringing up his glass. "I have tried to get laid with strangers, and every time, it's like I'm not even interested."

It was only one in a long list of personal problems, so strap in tonight, Jess.

"Oooooooh."

Yeah. Jessica took that the wrong way.

"You know they make pills for that problem," she suggested helpfully.

"How dare you," Lucifer said flatly, much like he had the last time someone had brought up that option. "I assure you everything is physically working exactly as it should be."

... Just around a very limited set of people.

Jessica held up her hands as if trying to block the shame. "Well, then you need to phrase that statement differently," she said somewhat defensively. "So you can do the deed but don't feel like you're up for the job?"

She was trying to put it delicately. Which is hard because Jessica is far from delicate.

"Of course I'm up for the job," Lucifer said, rolling his eyes. "I'm me."

He waved at himself as if it made his point.

Jessica scoffed in amusement. "Then... Why not? I mean. You are who you are..."

"I don't want to," Lucifer said, like it was an utterly alien and mystifying thing. "I mean, you are an extremely attractive, cynical sort of woman who looks like she knows exactly how to handle herself in the sack. Not too long ago, I would have happily hit on you. I register that perfectly well."

He made a noise.

"And yet here I am, not flirting with you."

"To be honest, I thought I was just too much of an asshole for you," Jessica said with a scoff of amusement. "You do know it's normal to not fuck every attractive person you see, right? I think the question here is... What's holding you back? Now, I'm no detective- Oh. Wait. I am. But it seems to me you might have feelings for someone in particular. And admittedly this has happened to me on a rare occasion, but when I've-"

Ugh. Emotional honesty sucked.

"-actually given a shit about someone, I usually don't sleep around on them. Much. Or at all."

Ew. She felt gross after that. "Tiny! I need two drinks. Now!"

Edited 2020-12-18 18:28 (UTC)

"Four!" Lucifer called, before returning his attention to Jessica. "And, well, there is the problem. See, she wanted 'space' to think about some things, and now that 'space' has lasted for about two months."

"That's a long haul," Jessica noted. "And if it was a guy, I would have said he'd bailed. Why did she need space?"

"She found out she was a gift from God created especially for me," Lucifer said. Beat. "Not my idea, I assure you."

"... Yeah. Okay. That might take a mere mortal a bit to figure that shit out," Jessica relented. "Shit, I'm still getting over a fuck ton of stuff that happened ten years ago. And that had nothing to do with fucking religious bulltshit or my fucking reason for existence. Shit, I would have just walked away from the relationship if that was the case."

She shrugged.

"She didn't totally shut you down and said it's over. She probably needs therapy or some shit."

"Which is why I'm here, since apparently I make it hard for her to process," Lucifer said.

He waved at Tiny. "Rum?" he called.

... look, he was trying to stick to Octavia's wishes by not talking about this without bribing squirrels.

It was entirely possible nobody involved actually wanted him to talk about it to literally anyone who as much as stopped to talk to him, but, well, he was Lucifer Morningstar, you kind of knew what you were in for when you told him things.

"Well, you can be pretty distracting," Jessica teased. "And I'm probably the last person to give you advice because it's usually for shit. Or at least not any advice that sounds like bullshit."

She took the first drink from Tino and downed it all in a couple of gulps and started to nurse the next drink.

"It'd probably be easier for you if you could get shitfaced. Because that would be my next bit of useless advice."

Tiny showed up with the rum, and obligingly poured it into a small through by the seat.

The squirrels showed up soon enough.

"Oh, trust me, I have good people working on that," Lucifer assured her. "Unfortunately, I'm not quite there yet, and now there are two people on this island who want to date me, which makes everything rather more complicated." Beat. "Well, one and a half."

“Are we talking a literal half person or someone who kinda wants to do you but isn’t sure?” Jessica joked. “Or should I just assume that between Duke and Octavia hanging out with you all the time that they are the people you are talking about?”

"The latter, and yes," Lucifer answered obligingly.

Place your bets on which annoyed ancient one murders the inflatable reindeer first.

Well, there were...slightly murdery...sounds coming from the office now so if Lucifer wanted in on the fun, now was definitely the time.

"What on Earth--?"

Lucifr pulled open the door to the office.

"Fucking reindeer came to life," Eric said from on top of his desk.

"And you had one back here?" Lucifer said, stepping inside. "... Never mind. Let's just murder it and put its remains outside on a pike as a warning, shall we?"

"Very Viking of you," Eric said approvingly, extending his fangs.

"Desperate times require desperate measures," Lucifer said.

The reindeer lunged at him, and he caught it by the antlers without any effort at all.

"Twist its neck around," Eric said, smiling.

"Are you enjoying this?" Lucifer asked.

As he twisted its neck around rather efficiently.

"Well, reindeer is quite delicious for those who eat still," Eric said dryly. "Not sure it works when they start off plastic, though."

"None of this explains why you were so eager to watch me destroy this reindeer," Lucifer said, letting its boneless corpse sink to the ground.

Edited 2020-12-18 10:10 (UTC)

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The Devil's Nest, Friday Night

Have a Drink

Talk to Lucifer

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Re: Talk to Lucifer - NFB

Re: Talk to Lucifer - NFB

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Back Office

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OOC