fandomtownies | Luke's, Thursday

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Luke's, Thursday

When Octavia turned up at Luke's today, the reaction from the staff resembled a collective "...Um." Apart from that one guy who immediately excused himself into the walk-in freezer, anyway. "The boss isn't in today," tried one of the others. (One of these days, she would learn their names. Maybe that was even going to be today.) "You want some fruit?" another one chimed in, hopeful.

Octavia shook her head. "I'm here to work."

They stared at her.

She sighed. "Look, I know how to work the register. Just -- let me be useful, okay?"

They did not dare to question her further, and so she settled behind the counter.

Today's specials
Tofu burger
Chocolate milkshake
Fruit

Luke's was open!

[ooc: Open! This shift also swiped with kind permission. OCD free.]

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Duke got a text from one of his servers that included a photo of Octavia behind the lunch counter, accompanied by multiple question marks and exclamation points.

And, well. He knew he was going to talk to her again eventually.

He sent the server a thumbs up, then stared at his messages with Octavia for a long time. At her I'm sorry and I love you.

He still didn't know how to answer those. He was still angry, and still mad at himself for feeling angry. And mad at himself for feeling mad at himself. . . .

Finally, he went online to find a photo of the landscape he'd spent so much time looking at yesterday at the museum, and sent that to her.

this made me think of you

Guess this was just a week for everyone snitching on Octavia. When the phone buzzed, she picked it up thinking it was going to be Lucifer again. When she saw it wasn't... Well, managing to click the text open took a moment.

And then she spent an even longer one poring over that picture, scrolling over it this way and that way to see the details on the far too small screen of her phone. Wondering what he saw in it.

She texted him back (after another long moment), Reminds me of shallow valley, sort of

Jagged edges overrun with trees.

She got it. Duke let out a relieved sigh, turning his face into the sun for a long moment before replying.

I thought of the Ground, yeah

He should say more. He'd been holding his silence over her for too long. Trying to punish her.

He wasn't proud of that.

I'm still mad he sent. Then, a bare second later but I get it

Octavia's sigh was just a sigh. I figured

About the first part, anyway. The length of the silence after her texts had been loud and clear.

I'm still sorry

And it still felt futile. Weak.

This wasn't a conversation to have over text. But Duke was just cowardly enough to try, anyway.

I can't keep giving without getting something back

Hey, at least they were a matched set of cowardice right now.

Octavia glanced back towards the kitchen, and wondered what the odds were that she was going to end up breaking down here at some point. So far, her discomfort was a calm kind, but how long would that last?

She started and erased several attempts at a reply before settling on one.

Do you really feel like you get nothing?

Duke remembered how she reacted any time he hinted she wasn't trying hard enough. He swallowed, fighting the instinct to deny it. To make things okay for her, even at the expense of his own well-being.

not nothing he sent.

but

He stared at that "but" for a long time. He wanted to say "but not enough", but that was "you're not trying hard enough" all over again. Finally, he erased the "but" and went a different direction.

do you know why I needed you this time?

Octavia started, then deleted another reply. At least that was the one plus side to doing this over text: there was room to rethink things before you said them.

I know why you needed to go

She knew that wasn't the same. Wasn't trying to imply that it was.

Duke wondered if she really did. Not that he thought she was lying, but -- part of him felt like if she really knew why he couldn't be on the island this week, then she'd understand why he'd wanted her.

you were there. after helena

luce wasn't

That part of him was sadly mistaken.

(Oh, good, there it came again: a wave of guilt.)

I didnt realize that made a difference

He'd barely talked to her about the Helena thing. He'd buried it just as fast as he did everything else.

He wouldn't have had to try to explain it to her.

he didn't know

just thought it was general control issues

Octavia drew a deep breath. Probably pointless to say she was sorry again, huh.

Even i thought it was a mix of things

Helena, absolutely. But also whatever that crystal had been. And the kid who'd mind-kidnapped him.

It had been a mix, now that Duke thought about it. He had a lot of experience being messed with. But. . . .

helena stood out

Duke bit his lip, then asked the question that had been bothering him since Lucifer had told him she wasn't in the woods.

luce said you needed your boat

Or, well, worked his way in the general direction of the question, anyway.

Yeah

She couldn't leave it at just that.

Things would have gone different if i hadnt been slow to figure that out

you could have brought it over

Even after it took her too long to figure it out.

Lucifer seemed mad at me and you werent replying to me

Octavia debated sending that, for a moment. But it was the truth.

She'd treated his silence as a wall. And so:

Still werent by the time he told me you were somewhere with a marina

Duke had been mad. Duke was still pretty mad. The edge had gotten sanded down by the conversation he'd had with Lucifer at the art museum yesterday, but the mad -- the "I don't know how much longer I can do this" of it all -- hadn't gone away.

But if she'd shown up with her boat. . . .

I didn't know what to say

felt like you didn't really get it

or didn't really care

You couldve said that

It would've hurt - it did now - but it would have been a start.

yeah

But he hadn't. And he couldn't really bring himself to say he was sorry for that, right now.

I was angry he said instead. still am, just not as sharp

And i guess i deserve that, Octavia sent back.

She drew in a deep breath, and looked up, away from the screen. And found herself looking at the picture of them on the wall.

Just kids.

Duke wasn't even that much younger in that photo. Not the way Octavia was. Either physically or emotionally.

He stared at his phone for a long, long time, trying to figure out what to say next. How to tell her how he felt without it coming out like an attack.

wish it didn't take an emergency for you to

He didn't know how to end that sentence. Reach out? Take care of him? He wasn't a child. And even when he had been he'd always taken care of himself.

(That was part of the problem.)

wish it didn't take an emergency for you to be there for me

Between getting to yell at Lucifer yesterday, and the generalized guilt-soaked feelings Octavia had been having this week, it was surprisingly hard to make her feel attacked right now.

And it wasn't like any of this was news. She hadn't felt like anything she did was enough for a long while now, not even when she thought it should have been. Let alone now.

She let it wash over her.

At least you have lucifer now

he's been great

He'd put up with a tacky art museum and watching Duke geek out over oysters. (And swallow a raw one whole, like an animal.) And didn't let Duke chicken out on going to the zoo.

but he's not you

But hes not broken, either

And right now that made him the superior option.

I thought he was going to be enough

(There was that word again.)

he's not YOU

He had been 'enough'. Leaving the island by itself had been 'enough'. Duke wanted more than that, though.

And Octavia had given him everything she'd had to give at the beginning of the week.

Which was almost nothing. Definitely not enough.

I needed me

There was so little of her to go around.

Duke clenched his phone in his fist when he read that. Raised his hand as though to throw it into the harbor, though he had no intention of actually doing so. He just -- felt like throwing things right now.

yeah

What else was there to even say to that?

Octavia's eyes were faintly stinging again, but it was such a constant this week that she barely noticed. Like the ever-present jittery feeling from the pollen.

I dont think i have answers you want to hear

Duke typed several things, and deleted each one.

I don't know how much longer I can do this

I don't know if I WANT to keep doing this

I need to be able to need you too

In the end, he just sent another

yeah

Which Octavia spent a long, long moment looking at.

And before she could even begin to figure out anything else she could say, a customer came in.

So the wait was going to grow even longer, while she pretended she could do any of this.

Duke was used to her going silent on him. So after a few minutes of watching his phone's screen, he locked it and tucked it away in his pocket, and just started staring off over the water again.

The googly eyed trash wheel kind of ruined the broody effect, though.

The customer was way too chatty for this week in general, and Octavia specifically, but she made it through it. Got the order in and everything.

And then she finally gave into the niggling urge to just slip into the office and close the door behind herself.

Stared at her phone for a moment. Then wrote what she needed to say. Or at least the facts. Everything else felt... petty.

Weekly therapy #2 tomorrow. Meds getting adjusted/switched probably

Duke closed his eyes when his phone chimed, then braced himself before pulling it out and reading it.

That wasn't what he'd expected. He didn't know what he'd expected, exactly, but that wasn't it.

He didn't know how to respond to that.

good luck

That was pathetic. It looked faintly passive aggressive.

I'm still proud of you

With everything between them right now, with this whole conversation, that felt... meaningless. Octavia didn't feel like she bought it.

(She knew he meant it. She just couldn't feel it, right now.)

Sure, thanks, she typed.

Then deleted the first part. And just sent, thanks.

Speaking of things that would have looked passive aggressive.

Duke was tempted to leave it there, but -- he really did wish they could clear the air. Maybe it was a little bit of his "fix things" instinct coming in, but he needed not to leave this conversation on such a . . . lacking note.

think I might come back tomorrow. When Luce has his Nest shift

It'd be pretty much done by then, right? Anyway, he'd be prepared for the pollen making his hormones go nuts. He could brace for it properly and just -- deal.

The passive-aggressive had been on purpose. That was why Octavia had deleted it.

But here was another one of those texts she spent a long moment looking at. Her response was quick to type, though:

Why?

Look, she hadn't even been in favor of Lucifer coming back for his shift and leaving Duke behind, so she definitely wasn't in favor of Duke coming back while this thing was still happening.

Duke frowned. Why? Because she was there. Because Lucifer would be. Because . . . well . . . .

can't hide forever

But i can let you know when its over

'Forever' was rarely how long these things lasted.

don't want to have to run every time the pollen count goes up

That was the truth, if not all of it. He needed to go back and actually face it.

That made very little sense to Octavia right now.

But.

Do what you need to do

I will, Duke answered.

just like you do got typed, but never sent.

It would've been fine to. It was the truth, after all.

Octavia found nothing else to say. She considered telling him she was at the diner, but what did that even matter?

So she just... sent nothing. And wondered how this had all just made her feel worse.

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Luke's, Thursday

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