Theodoric of York, Saturday afternoon

[existencemisspent]

Well. Their ward work could certainly have gone worse, but it also could have gone much better. As it was, Eliot finally had some decent changes of clothes, thanks to Lucifer's tailor on the mainland -- and more coming besides, assuming they didn't find a way back to Fillory before his bespoke order was complete -- and he and Margo both had some excellent champagne in which to drown their sorrows.

While receiving the very best facials modern Earth technology -- and a little bit of magic -- had to offer.

"I will say one thing for this backwards little not-tropolis," Eliot said, as the mud mask worked its magic on his pores, "it does not lack for amenities."

[for the platonic life partner, but can also be open!]

Comments

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Gotta say I spent at least an hour in the shower when I got here,” Margo said, her one eye closed below its one cucumber slice. “Fucking running water, El.”

[existencemisspent]

"I know, Bambi," Eliot said, reaching his free hand for his champagne flute. "It's like a little modern miracle."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Can you believe we ever took it for granted?” Margo asked.

[existencemisspent]

"Of course we did. It should be a goddamn human right. I plan to introduce a new bill in Fillory just as soon as we get back. And make sure the whole 'the kingdom is broke' situation has been worked out. . . ."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

Fucking christ, it never ended. “Again?”

[existencemisspent]

“It never ends,” Eliot confirmed. “I did get a promise out of the Fairy Queen to repopulate the nugget beetles but who knows how long that will take.”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Don’t trust a word out of that pale-ass mouth,” Margo advised. Fuckin. . . Her eye socket was hurting again. “Did everything else get fixed, at least? Did you find all the missing blondes from Crickety Cove?”

[existencemisspent]

“. . . Ohhhhhh yeahhhhh,” Eliot said slowly. “I knew I was forgetting something. In my defense, we had just murdered a god and then been invaded.”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Is it bad I’m surprised you actually managed to kill the guy?” Margo reached up to scratch. . . carefully.

[existencemisspent]

"That was actually more Julia and Quentin than me," Eliot said. "So . . . yes."

Julia's part likely wasn't a surprise. But Quentin?

"So now Fillory is a land of godless heathens. Our little cesspool is all grown up."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Wait, back up,” Margo said, lifting a hand up in the air. “Quentin killed the god from his beloved children’s books?”

[existencemisspent]

"Stuck an enchanted sword right through his gut," Eliot said. "I was impressed!"

He was impressed when Quentin managed to walk without tripping over himself. (And charmed when he didn't.)

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

Margo was very much aware of Eliot’s crush on their favorite loser nerd.

“Wow,” she said thoughtfully. “I never thought he’d have the ovaries.”

[existencemisspent]

“Well. Ember was actively trying to destroy Fillory. And had just murdered Umber. You know how Quentin likes to be the hero.”

And then decide he hadn’t been one at all immediately after.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“He’s been moping for weeks, hasn't he?” Q was predictable like that, and not for their lack of trying.

[existencemisspent]

“I assume. He went running off to coddle Alice as soon as the blood stopped pooling. And his bunnies were extremely apologetic.”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

Margo exhaled. The sound went on a little bit, and she wasn’t proud of the way her breath trembled with built-up stress. “I guess we need to write some kinda constitution when we get back.”

When they got home.

[existencemisspent]

“Hm. Probably.” Why hadn’t he thought of that?

A few lines from Hamilton ran through his head.

“I guess they must’ve dubbed Josh temporary High King again. Since we’re all gone.”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

Fuck, he was right. “Jesus,” Margo muttered. “Josh is great, I love his baking. Last time he got our entire ruling council high and changed the Fillorian motto to ‘Hakuna matata’.”

[existencemisspent]

“Fairy Queen must love him,” Eliot said, amused. “At least they’re not trying to recruit Todd?”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

That short pause, that exhale, followed by that “Oh, Todd” said all Margo felt she needed to say on the idea of Todd in Fillory.

[existencemisspent]

Todd truly was something else.

“Anyway, enough about Fillory for now. What else have you gotten up to in exile?”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“You mean besides trying to make that weird-ass botany lab habitable and banging my stress out?” Margo would’ve shaken her head, but she realized she still had the cucumber slice up there just in time. “It’s been a week and a half of trying to figure out what the fuck happened here.”

[existencemisspent]

"Right, time difference." Eliot nodded, letting out a soft sigh. "Maybe that's what screwed up your bunnies."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“It started with one that kept yelling something about a test?” Margo said. “Couple of days later, I got two asking me where I was. And the big info dump followed a few days later.”

[existencemisspent]

"Those . . . all sound like they were probably mine," Eliot admitted. "I wonder what happened to the ones the fairies sent."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“The fairies sent bunnies?”

[existencemisspent]

“I’m flattered that you think I’d have come up with that myself, but yes. That’s where I got the idea from.”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Trust that fairy bitch to try to rodent-stalk me.” Her and all of her creepy followers. “Look, I wish I had some fun tales of adventure to tell you, but this is literally the first time I’ve been in this spa.”

See how dire life had been?

[existencemisspent]

“Bambi.” Eliot gave her a look of exaggerated horror. “It’s across the street.”

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“I’m not saying I’m proud!”

[existencemisspent]

“Well I’m here now. I’ll make sure you take care of yourself.”

As though she didn’t have to just as often — more often lately— do the same for him.