The Magic Box, Monday

[existencemisspent]

". . . Huh."

There were pumpkins. All over the Magic Box.

"I'm reasonably certain these aren't in season yet," Eliot observed. "But then, what am I, a farmer?" He laughed to himself with just an edge of discomfort. "Of course not. Pumpkin away, darlings."

He was just going to. Keep shoving those memories of his father yelling about the annual pumpkin patch sales way, way down deep.

[open!]

Comments

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Would coffee with room for gin help?

"Eliot, hi." Jon sidled in, gave the pumpkins a confused look, and held out the coffee. "I hope you're doing well."

[existencemisspent]

It would!

To be fair, there was little in Eliot's life on the island that coffee with room for gin didn't help.

"Bless you, Jonathan," Eliot said, taking the cup and immediately doctoring it and taking a sip. "So long as none of these is secretly a young woman who stayed at a party too long, I am doing just fine. Yourself?"

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"I'm fine, thank you." He even mostly was! He made a point of being fine when he was planning on being out in a crowd, thank you, Billy.

"They all seem like perfectly normal pumpkins to me, for whatever that's worth," he offered. "You'd probably see magic better than I would, though."

[existencemisspent]

"Mmm," Eliot said neutrally.

He was maybe avoiding looking at the magic around here.

He sipped his coffee. "So. Does the autumnally themed randomness mean there's a new semester about, then?

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"Er...I'm not sure if the two things are related, but yes, we've just begun a new semester. This is the...third?...third week. I'm teaching about books and libraries."

[existencemisspent]

Eliot let out a delighted laugh. "Of course you are! Please tell me you're going to work in a class on cats too?"

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"I am not!" Jon said, scowling. Then he relented. "Well. Perhaps as a cleanser if there's a particularly bad week. No, it's...last week was a library, this week is Dewey Decimal, since US libraries seem determined to use it. The week after will likely be how to spot a dangerous or cursed book."

[existencemisspent]

"Oh?" Eliot sat up a little. "And how does one work that out? Assuming the answer isn't just 'they're in the dangerous/cursed book section'."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"I probably will mention that, just in case," Jon answered. "And in my world, there was one man that gathered as many as possible into his own library, and when they got out, they had bookplates on them. Helpful, if hubristic."

[existencemisspent]

"Hmm, yes, very handy. Unfortunate that other worlds don't have the same sort of megalomaniacal system."

He wasn't being sarcastic. Eliot was actually a little sad that he couldn't just count on some asshole magician having labeled everything that was likely to kill you.

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them," Jon said. "I realise danger signs are probably different everywhere." He thought about it. "Actually, if you have any non-harmful books you could enchant to look harmful, as demonstration, that would also help."

Or you could come be a guest lecturer, Eliot. You wanted to hang out around teenagers, didn't you?

[existencemisspent]

That sounded absolutely, utterly terrible, and like a deeply poorly thought out idea.

It clearly had to happen.

"I . . . suppose I could come up with something. Though in my experience, the dangerous books look much like any other book. Don't judge by covers, and all that."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Jon nodded. "I will absolutely be making sure they know that as well. You can never be too careful. But at least if they can identify the obvious ones, it should help a bit."

[existencemisspent]

"Well then. It shouldn't be too hard to enchant a tome or two to glow a wicked red."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"Do...um." Jon frowned. "I wouldn't think any were actually that obvious." He'd more been thinking pages the wrong temperature, or text that seemed to move.

[existencemisspent]

See, he maybe should have specified that.

"Ah. Well, empathic spells aren't as much in my wheelhouse, but I suppose I could manage to give a book a vague sense of unease. . . ."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"I was going to suggest making them appear as much like actual cursed books as possible," Jon said. "I'm not sure what those are actually like in your world, though."

Look, the only thing Jon knew about magic books in Eliot's world was that sometimes they had sex, okay?

[existencemisspent]

"I mean . . . they don't. Unless you use a lens or a spell to look at them. They just . . . look like books."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"But...well, surely there's some way to tell what they are before it's too late," Jon said.

[existencemisspent]

"Jesus, of course not," Eliot said. "Why would anyone ever use them, then? If you're lucky, someone slaps an 'evil, do not open' label on it, and not too many idiot kids decide to dare each other to read it out loud in the middle of the woods."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Jon grimaced. "I was hoping there might be some tips, at least. Some of the ones I'm familiar with...well, a Desolation book might be hot to the touch, or a Buried book might be impossible to get clean."

[existencemisspent]

"Mmm, your universe does like a good theme, doesn't it." Eliot shrugged. "Magic in my universe is pain-based. And nothing ups the pain factor like the element of surprise." He tilted his head. "Well. . . . Other than mortal dread, I suppose. . . ."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"Which naturally would work very well in mine," Jon said wryly. "Though for the most part, those books work on those who have no idea the supernatural exists. A warm book must just have sat in the sun for a while."

[existencemisspent]

"Or be about cozy baking," Eliot suggested.

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"Er...is that...I mean, normal books in my world aren't anything but room temperature no matter what they're about. Unless you meant it was metaphorically warm."

[existencemisspent]

"So, what, magic only works for evil where you're from? That sucks."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Jon huffed in laughter. "I won't argue that. No, there are no benevolent supernatural entities. The most you can hope for is something dangerous but neutral, or an avatar that doesn't actively want to harm you." He shrugged. "The End isn't actually all that bad."

[existencemisspent]

"And . . . you're certain this isn't some form of . . . extreme eldritch confirmation bias? I mean, magic from my universe isn't sunshine and rainbows, but it's not all evil all the time. There's . . . magic drugs. And probably other things I just can't think of right now."

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Jon shook his head. "I asked. If there were ever beneficial magic, nobody ever knew about it."

[existencemisspent]

"You asked . . . your network of eldritch abomination experts?"

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

"Er...well, the place that I worked was dedicated to studying the supernatural," Jon said. "Also I asked a dead man who had studied them. He was rather adamant about it."