fandomtownies | Fantasy Costco, Wednesday Afternoon

Entry tags:

Fantasy Costco, Wednesday Afternoon

Liliana wasn't sure how, but the windows of the shop seemed even dirtier than before. If she hadn't dealt with the same exact issue at home, she would be more confused and irate about it. But this was apparently just How Things Were Here (much like the fast-changing weather) and so it merited no more than a sigh and bumping up 'obtain staff' a few notches higher on her mental to-do list.

It wasn't until she opened the door and found she could barely squeeze through with all the boxes in the way that she began to clue in that Something Was Amiss. She had bargained for a delivery of one box of artifacts per week and even assuming Nicol Bolas was being particularly generous (ha!) and send an extra box for her first week...there were far too many boxes here. She counted fifteen before she gave up.

"What in the Blind Eternities...?"

Contrary to first and perhaps even second impressions, Liliana was smart. Certainly smart enough to do basic math. And basic math was adding up to an answer she did not like.

And so, as she so frequently did when reality was displeasing to her (as it so frequently was), Liliana elected to ignore it for the time being. Relenting, she used a touch of black mana to at least clean the windows; she'd already done enough cleaning ~~in the past few--~~ for the time being, but she at least wanted to be able to see the outside. Then, propping this door open too, just in case, she dusted off her hands and got to work, opening up her boxes to take stock of her new inventory.

At least she wouldn't have to worry about running low on anything.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She really needed staff. Opening boxes, inventorying boxes, figuring out where to put boxes...This was apparently her life now.

Duke? Out in public for the second day in a row?

He'd better be careful not to strain something with all this socializing he was doing here.

Blame his kitchen staff. There'd been some sort of ~~handwavy~~ lobster emergency that apparently only the boss could handle, and since he was already in town and it was Octavia's night at the bar, he figured he'd stick it out so he could surprise her there, rather than go back to the boat and risk re-hibernating instead of making it back into town, he was vaguely wandering about.

The randomly open door on a shop he was reasonably certain was usually closed these days was probably a trap, right?

"Hey," he called, because who was he if not the guy who was just genre-savvy enough to call out the trap while walking into a trap? "This is totally a trap, right?"

"If it is, I'll be incredibly cross," Liliana called back, pulling herself upright with a what appeared to be a skull in her hand. "Knowing I've wasted however long taking inventory when I could have been plotting a proper trap instead."

She paused to consider. "If you'd like, perhaps come back in ten? I'm certain I can pull together a quality trap by that point."

Indeed far less, but why let someone know that in advance?

"No need on my account. I'm good with trap-free businesses."

He was well aware that this could still be a trap, yes.

"Getting ready for a reopening, or are you going for a creepy abandoned look on purpose in here?"

The creepy abandoned look was for her home, thank you very much.

"A...n opening," Liliana said, since to call it a re-opening would be to acknowledge certain truths she had not yet decided to acknowledge. "Currently going through my stock to see what I have for sale. The rest of the cleaning can wait until I have the chance to obtain some staff."

Don't worry about the details covered by 'obtain,' Duke. It's fine.

"I don't suppose I can interest you in some of the finest artifacts from around the Multiverse?" She gestured idly with the hand holding the skull. "Ravnica, Kamigawa, Cappena, Lorwyn and Shadowmoor...?"

"Had I heard of any of those places, you might be," Duke said. "But I like to visit a place before I collect souvenirs, sorry." He offered a hand. "Duke Crocker. You new around here?"

Sure, he hadn't been around enough to know like half the population these days, but she was just opening her store. It was a reasonable guess!

"Liliana Vess," Liliana replied, casually tossing the skull back into the box where it landed with a dull clank. "Only about a week or so. It sounds like you've been here awhile?"

"Few years," Duke said, nodding. "I think. There's a bit of a time difference between here and home so it gets fuzzy sometimes." He shrugged. "Long enough to get used to the wacky and know when to duck out of town, anyway."

"The...wacky?" Liliana asked, sounding suddenly Very Concerned.

She did not appear to be a woman very interested in anything that could be considered 'wacky.'

"Invasions of killer plants, holiday demons that kidnap you and toss you into volcanoes . . . most recently we ducked out to avoid the semi-regular weeklong sex-pollen-stravaganza. That sort of thing."

Welcome to Fandom, Liliana.

"..."

Killer plants were nothing, that was just something that happened in places. Photohydras, snapping creepers, mossdogs, singing trees, whatever the fuck was up with Jund...and that didn't even get into saprolings, treefolk, and thallids. But the other two were much more worrisome.

"Holiday demons?" she finally asked, since demons were a much greater threat to her precious skin than sex ever could be. (Honestly, a weeklong sex-stravaganza sounded moderately delightful, though the inclusion of 'pollen' made that slightly sus.)

"I think he was called 'Krampus'? I wasn't a fan."

He was one of the ones who'd ended up in the volcano, yes.

"Honestly, you might want to just write off the whole month of December around here. There's occasionally brainwashing reindeer, too."

"When is December?" Liliana asks, trying to figure out how long she had before 'brainwashing reindeer' might come into play. Honestly, if she'd wanted to deal with reindeer, she would have gone to Kaldheim. And you will not, she was not there. "When is now, I suppose I should ask. How long are your months? Years? Days seem to be on a typical Dominarian cycle, at least."

~~You know, assuming nobody has recently sealed an Eldrazi Titan in the moon...~~

". . . Sure," Duke said. "Right, uh. So . . . Seven days per week, first off. Today is." He had to think about that one for a second. "Wednesday. That's the middle of the week. And it's." A longer moment of thought. "March? I'm pretty sure. That's the third month of the year. Months are about four to five weeks long. December's the twelfth month. We usually get, like, three big things a year, but the next one probably won't happen for another month or two. In May. Do you have a phone yet? That's probably the easiest way to keep track. That and radio. Which . . . I guess I'd also have to explain. Do you know what a squirrel is?"

"Squirrels, I know," Liliana said. "Irritating little forest-dwellers, though you get enough together and they become a problem, especially in a place overflowing with green mana."

Chatterfang, you little bastard.

"Phones are radios are new to me, however. Though I have heard your squirrels are misbegotten Multani spawn and spy on you unless you bribe them with rum." She mentally bumped 'get a cat' up a few levels as well. "A High King with a neverending flask of gin informed me of those."

"Yeah, sounds about right for someone who lives around here," Duke said. "So the squirrels announce the shit they find out by spying on you over the radio. Which you can listen to on your phone if you want to keep up on local news. Also useful for, like, weather reports and games if you get bored, online shopping, et cetera. You can probably get one cheap over at T&C if you want. If you catch the right person working there they'll probably even help set it up for you. Folks around here are pretty friendly, especially if they clock you as a newbie."

Hence his whole 'okay, so here's how years work' spiel.

"What kind of stuff you planning to sell here, anyway? Other than . . . skulls?"

She still didn't know what a 'phone' or a 'radio' wa, but she did have enough information she could probably feign it and quickly paper over her ignorance when the time came.

"Oh magical artifacts on behalf of the Infinite Consortium," she explained. Which, while made up of absolute prats, at least offered a better name than Fantasy Costco. "That skull was part of a construct. An Aegis Automaton, I believe?" She'd have to check her notes; she was no blue artificer to know such things on sight. "Were it a proper skull, I certainly wouldn't put it up for sale."

She'd animate it and put it to work, as was right and proper.

Duke nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm . . . gonna pretend I know what half those words mean. And that it doesn't sound like something my ancestors might have tried to burn you at the stake for."

"...Were your ancestors from Innistrad?" Liliana asked, because that was a much nicer response than they could have tried. "They get that into their heads every so often, get together a little mob with torches and pitchforks, and go harass the closest vampire or werewolf or lich or what-have-you." Beat. "Sometimes it even works out well for them."

Presumably. There had to be some reason they kept trying it.

“Haven,” Duke said. “It’s in Maine. Before that, no clue. Probably England or France or something. They all went on witch hunts at some point. I get the feeling we’re from pretty different universes though.”

"Likely," Liliana said. "Are those places on Earth, too? Like..." She took a second to remember the name. "Germany."

“Yes,” Duke said. “Just like that. England and France are even remarkably close to Germany, especially compared to where we are now. Which is like way across an ocean from them. And this has somehow become my weirdest conversation in years.”

Liliana raised her eyebrows. "Truly? A bit of witchhunting and planar geography. You seem made of sterner stuff than that."

“You’d think. But explaining basic Earth geography is totally new for me.”

"Huh." Liliana considered that. "I suppose that's fair. Just the other day I was explaining planar mechanics. This isn't a normal conversation for all the random people who show up?"

“Most of the ones I’ve talked to come from some sort of Earth equivalent. Or — I guess are less open about not coming from one, I guess? Or go with my partner’s thing where she just kind of looks at you blankly until you remember that not everyone gets your late 20th century Earth references.”

"Why would you hide that you're not from this Earth?" Liliana asks. "How? None of the planes I've been to have been so like any of the others that you could immediately pretend to be a native with any real finesse, so long as you actually speak to anyone."

"You would have to ask them that," Duke said. "I've personally never tried."

"Asking?" Liliana checked. "Or traveling?"

"Asking. I've spent most of my adult life traveling. Just, you know. On Earth. Not between planes. That's, uh. A recent development."

Liliana nearly asked him if that meant his Planeswalker spark had just ignited but...no. Too many things were too different for that to be true. "And you travel with these...portals?" she checks.

"When I don't want to take my boat, yeah. It's quick, fairly reliable. Not as romantic, sure, but means my partners and I can be in Chile in moments, so it's hard to argue with that." A beat. "Chile takes several days to get to by boat. Or hours by the next fastest route that isn't a portal."

"Hmm," Liliana said, tapping her finger against her chin. "Where is this mage who creates such things? Where can I meet them?"

...Definitely need to get staff

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Fantasy Costco, Wednesday Afternoon

Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

Re: Talk To Liliana

OOC