Trooper Station, Thursday morning

[grenadesandohana]

Steve felt kind of bad about tossing his partner into the drunk tank normally meant for squirrels and raccoons to sleep it off (and how was that was his life now), and so he'd crashed out in his desk chair hoping that whatever this was would wear off by morning.

The Troopers in a truly courageous act had all tried to call out sick today. Steve had told them no, and so they were allegedly out on patrol. With their luck, they were probably all wereporgs now.

...were there wereporgs?

Now Steve was thinking about wereporgs.

The Station was open! Watch out for potential weregophers.

Comments

[hatesparadise]

Yeah, the gopher was gnawing on the bars now. Because clearly whatever was going on... was ongoing.

Sorry not sorry, Steve.

[grenadesandohana]

Steve got up from his chair and went back to the cells. "Shit," he said. "You're a gopher again."

[hatesparadise]

Would he have preferred Danny yell at him for being locked up in the rodent drunk tank? Because that would happen once this was all over and done with.

The gopher made whatever noise gophers make, but angrily.

[grenadesandohana]

"Wow, make whatever sound gophers make more quietly, please," Steve said, "or I won't get you breakfast."

Which would probably be a powerbar from his desk, let's be honest.

[hatesparadise]

Gopher!Danny cared not for silence! Gopher!Danny was full of rage and destructive impulses!

Which meant rattling the bars of his cell and trying his best to escape.

[grenadesandohana]

"Daniel, you're going to hurt yourself," Steve scolded.

Or realize the bars weren't as skinny as they looked. One of those.

[hatesparadise]

You weren't the boss of him!

Also, this gopher was going to continue to do his very best to escape and wreck havoc on the island. Or try to bite a trooper who wandered too close because it was just so adorable.

[grenadesandohana]

¿Por qué no los dos?

"Danny, just...sit. Stay."

It was possible a week with Raiden as a dog had rubbed off on Steve.

[hatesparadise]

Danny shrieked with all the air in his little gopher lungs at that, trying to get at Steve and his complete lack of respect here.

[grenadesandohana]

Steve reached for his phone. "Do that again! I want to make it my ringtone."

Steve was the number one worst partner right now.

[hatesparadise]

Uncalled for and rude. Rude enough to fill gopher!Danny with just enough rage to start squeezing his way through those bars to attack Steve for what he'd done here.

[grenadesandohana]

"Danny, no," Steve said. "You'll get stuck and I'm not lubing up a gopher."

Behind, one of the Troopers sniggered.

[hatesparadise]

Do not underestimate his rage here!

Because now Danny was halfway out, wriggling aggressively to make it. And he was going to make sure both Steve and the troopers rued the day they put him in this cage! RUE IT.

[grenadesandohana]

"Ralph, get the tranq gun," Steve ordered, climbing onto his desk.

[hatesparadise]

Ralph was too slow in that. Poor, poor Ralph. One minute he was rushing to get that done, the next he was honking angrily as a weregoose along side Danny.

See how much revenge he could enact? Did you see?

[grenadesandohana]

"Did you seriously just turn that guy into a goose?" Steve yelped. "Danny, geese are complete assholes!"

Yes, Steve, argue with the weregopher. That was very sane.

[hatesparadise]

Danny shrieked his gophery victory while Ralph honked in the most obnoxious way possible and started flapping to attack the other troopers who were backing away to leave Steve to his fate.

[grenadesandohana]

"You're all fired!" Steve said, trying to block the door to stop everyone from escaping.

[hatesparadise]

They weren't turning into weregeese, Steve!

Ralph and Danny turned their combined might on Steve then, either to bite him or to escape out into the town to do all the damage that they could.

[grenadesandohana]

"Jesus, Ralph, watch the beak!" Steve yelped, diving out of the way.

[hatesparadise]

They dove free, out the door and into a super convenient rickshaw that just so happened to be right where they needed it to speed away from the station.

No, please don't ask how they managed to operate it. Just go with it.

[grenadesandohana]

"Oh, for God's sake," Steve groaned, racing after them, jumping into another rickshaw and chasing after them.

With a tiny little siren blazing. It was incredibly professional.

[hatesparadise]

Ralph honked defiantly as Danny somehow managed a tiny gopher equivalent of giving Steve the finger as they sped off at a medium speed chase. Because it was still a rickshaw.

[grenadesandohana]

"Don't drive angry!" Steve yelled, pushing his foot all the way to the floor of the rickshaw for threes of more miles an hour.

[hatesparadise]

For that? The rickshaw jerked from side to side, much to the honking alarm of Ralph. Who did not sign up for this. He signed up to honk and assault people, not nearly crash on the cobblestones.

[grenadesandohana]

"Daniel, I'm not above shooting out your tire!" Steve yelled. "Pull over!"

[hatesparadise]

Danny turned around to shake his little paws at him as Ralph struggled to take the wheel. Fun fact, wings? Not meant for gripping things.

That rickshaw? Careening off track.

[grenadesandohana]

"Shit," Steve said, flinging himself from his rickshaw and towards the other one.

His rickshaw crashed right into the popcorn machine in front of City Hall and burst into flame.

[hatesparadise]

Sorry, not sorry!

Ralph honked frantically and flapped his wings at the intruder as Danny took a more proactive approach to hurl his tiny self at Steve's face.

[grenadesandohana]

"Oh, this is gonna suck," Steve groaned, trying to duck the groundhog.

[hatesparadise]

Vengeance was at hand!

Or would have been had gopher!Danny not just flown right on over Steve's head and out of the rickshaw. Could have been a gopher version of that Wilhelm scream in there too.

[grenadesandohana]

"Whoops," Steve said, blinking for a second as he tried to regain control of the second rickshaw. "Stay there, Danno!"

He didn't have high hopes that would be listened to.

[hatesparadise]

Look, you try listening to reason when you're a rage filled gopher, Steve.

Ralph tilted his head on that slender, goosey neck at how things went for a moment before honking and flying away. Into the night. Only it wasn't night out, so the drama wasn't with him.

[grenadesandohana]

"This week is completely ridiculous," Steve declared, pulling the rickshaw over to chase down an angry gopher.

[hatesparadise]

You'd never stop him!

Not even when he paused at the burning popcorn maker to cackle evilly.

[grenadesandohana]

Steve burst out laughing.

"Very impressive, Daniel."