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JGoB - Friday Morning

Cutter was starting to feel a little restless and was feeling a lot better after yesterday and didn’t want to spend the day in his flat alone, he’d finished the last of his left overs and he was rather hungry. So he decided to stop by the bakery for a coffee and some pastries and as he sat down at the table by the window, he was sending a few messages to Becker about the possibility of visiting the team for a few days next week and hopefully he wasn’t risking something bad happening by returning home.

Then remembering his conversation with Summer the other day he was also looking into different vacation ideas on his phone in between his conversation with Becker, which was proving to be a lot harder than he thought … he didn’t know where he actually wanted to go or what to do … maybe he could ask Becker if he wanted to come with him.

He looked up a few different places in Scotland, since it had been a while since he had last visited … the Shetland Islands didn’t seem that bad of a place to visit, maybe he could look into visiting there?

[the post is open!]

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Connor had been keeping to the flat mostly since Wednesday night. There were several reasons for that... really. But it was time to get out, he wasn't going to help himself at all by being a total hermit.

And he also had a trip over the weekend to get ready for so that meant heading out to get a few things. And that was going to require energy so Connr stopped by J.GOB for some caffeine and something sweet.

He walked up to place his order and as he waited he glanced around, his eyes falling on Cutter and he froze a moment, not at all sure whether to take his stuff and flee back to the safety of the flat, or suck it up and stay and talk to Cutter.... and Connor wasn't sure what he was going to do.

Cutter hadn't noticed Connor at first, he was responding to Becker's text message about portal arrangements and then he took a sip of coffee and looked up.

He bit his lip, remembering their encounter the other night ... he really should apologise for that, admittedly there were a lot of things he had to apologise for and he would, it was just going to take time.

"Hello Connor," he said simply, and a bit awkwardly with a nod of his head.

Connor gave a small nod as he stared, taking a minute to figure out how to talk just then. He knew he'd eventually run into Cutter again. It was a small island and like Summer had said, they were pretty much breathing down each other's neck anymore. He wouldn't be able to avoid Cutter forever.

"Hey, Nick" Connor said with a small somewhat awkward nod of his own. "How... how ya been?"

Cutter's phone went off again but he didn't reply to the text as he looked up at Connor, that twinge of loneliness and guilt setting in, "I ... well I'm not hungover anymore?" he tried awkwardly, "er ... how about you?"

"Doing ok... headache's finally gone" he said with a small sympathetic shrug. "Good to see ya out of the flat" he said, not really knowing what to say. And as he got his order from the barista he glanced down at it, trying to avoid Cutter's gaze for a moment.

"It's ... I'm starting to feel a bit claustrophobic in there," Cutter admitted, it was a small flat and he didn't like being in small places much now after everything, "needed to get out for a bit," he admitted softly and he stared down at his hands, wincing a bit as he stared at the braces that he still had to wear for another week.

Connor saw the wince and at the same time, he unconsciously fiddled with the scarf around his neck. There always seemed to be a reminder of.... everything... no matter how hard he tried to just pretend like everything was slowly getting back to normal.

"I know how that can be" Connor said simply. "Getting out is... is good." Well, maybe drinking too much at the bar wasn't a good way to spend time out and about.

Cutter nodded, staring down at his phone at the text message from Becker that was confirming the time and date of his portal booking, "yeah ..." he said, glancing back up at Connor and noticed him fiddle with the scarf ...

All that did was bring back that guilt, that would never go away. He bit his lip.

"I guess it had to happen sooner or later right? I mean for something other than the bar and classes,"

"It's a small island after all... only so many things you can do and places you can go without breathing down each other's necks and all. Hard to stay in one place for very long" Connor said with a small nod. "Getting out... it's... " he took a breath, trying to figure out what to say. "it's good."

Cutter nodded, staring down at his coffee and trying to avoid looking at his hands, “that’s true, I guess you don’t realise how small of a place this is …you run into everyone sooner or later,”

Okay a small part of him had hoped to avoid running into Connor but maybe this was a good thing? They were talking and it faint become a shouting match …maybe…

He tried to think of something to say, “the pastries are good here,” he said at last, “are you getting any?” he looked over at what Connor had ordered.

"Aye, they are really good" Connor said. "They even male custom orders if you catch them on a good day" he said with a glance towards the counter. "I've had them make some Banbury Cakes for me before that were really good. But today it's just a regular cheese danish for me."

Connor couldn't help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. This was going much better than the last time they had talked. He wants sure how long it would last and he didn't want to get his hopes up, but this was nice.... for however long it lasted.

Cutter gave a small, tiny smile of his own, he had missed this ... being able to talk with Connor and being able to have a civil conversation with him that wasn't completely awkward, "I felt like chocolate today," he admitted, carefully holding up his half eaten chocolate swirl pastry, "I got quite a few of them," he admitted, which admittedly it wasn't the healthiest food option he could go for but he was eating at least?

Food was food and at times that was all that mattered. Connor really couldn't judge as he was there eating sweets and hadn't exactly been sticking to the post- hospital diet the doctors had recommended to him.

"Nice to have options like this so close though. Makes it easy to get at least something when the cravings hit" because he was currently working through his second cup of coffee that day alone.

Cutter nodded, "it is nice," he said softly as he took a bite of his pastry, "I should do it more often, it makes a nice change than being cooped up in the apartment," he admitted.

"Better than drinking too much at the bar either" Connor said with a slightly sheepish shrug. "But they do make good teats here... almost as good as the ones back home."

Cutter winced a little at that and looked a little a sheepish, “sorry about the other night,” he said, a bit awkwardly as he remembered that encounter, he hadn’t listened to radio yet or he would have felt even worse, “I got a bit carried away with the drinking, I guess I’m remembering why limits are a good thing,”

A bit? Understatement of the week there, Cutter. But Connor wasn't going to press it. Instead he gave a dry laugh as he looked down at the coffee cup in his hand.

"Limits are good... for most things. Can't act like every Wednesday is a jello shot night on a school trip right?" Connor said with a somewhat fond smile as he remembered those trips, and sighed softly, wondering if there would be any more trips for them in the future now or not.

Cutter smiled softly at that, at the memories of better times between them, "yeah ... I learnt that the hard way, didn't even make it to yoga the next morning, I was that hungover," he said sheepishly, "I'm definitely not 21 anymore," he sighed as he took another sip of coffee.

"Well, neither of us are 21 anymore" Connor said with a laugh. "Think we both need to be a little more careful. I was so bad even Rex was getting on my case the next day."

Cutter actually laughed at that as well, "I can just imagine Rex doing that," he smiled fondly, "I should probably start to take it easy, I'm ... I'm going to be heading home for a few days after class next week," he said quietly.

Connor grinned slightly and was about to say something about Rex, but then Cutter kept talking. And as those words sank in, Connor felt a slight twinge in his chest. Cutter had said 'home' and he didn't mean the island.

"Oh, back to London." It was more a statement than a question and Connor managed a small smile. "That sounds like a good trip. I.... I know the team will love seeing you."

Cutter hesitated, "it's ...I think I need to go back," he said softly, "I ...I just for a little while, I'll be back before the following class," there was another pause, "I can tell them you say hello if you'd like," it felt weird talking about the team and Connor not being there with him, he felt that pang of loneliness and guilt surge again.

"Sure... we'll be fine for... for class" Connor said simply. "You'll enjoy seeing the team again, and yes please tell everyone I miss them." Connor shifted somewhat awkwardly as he looked over at Cutter. He hated that heaviness in his chest, that Cutter was going back to see the team, without him.

"I will," Cutter took a deep breath, wishing that things weren't so awkward between them, "I ... should be back the end of next week, I .. just to get away for a bit, I ... I know I'm not cleared for field work but I'm hoping being back for a while will help,"

At the very least having a week off drinking would be a good thing.

Connor smiled slightly at that. And as much as he hated to admit it, some time away would be good for him too. Connor had only been figuring on a weekend but a little more time apart might actually beg good for them.

"I'm sure Lester or Jenny can find a desk job for ya for the week if you get desperate to do something," he said with a small but genuine smile.

Cutter returned that small smile, “maybe,” he said, since he was planning on crashing in his office the entire time, the odds of him doing some kind of work was inevitable, “they might want me to make myself useful, there’s probably a lot of paperwork that hasn’t been filed in the last several months,” he considered.

Okay so a lot of that paperwork was actually his but that was beside the point.

He was also very much trying not to think about what happened the last time he’d been on desk duty …

"Just take care of yourself, Nick. Maybe we..." Connor paused and bit his lip slightly before continuing. "Maybe we can check in with each other afterward. See what we each got up too? If... if you'd like?"

“You too Connor,” Cutter smiled softly at that, “and I … I would like that, to catch up after … I … I would really like that, it would be nice,”

He winced a bit at how awkward that sounded but he did mean every word of it, maybe they were getting to stage where they could talk to each other and not get into a shouting match? He hoped so, it had been nice being able to talk to Connor like this.

One could hope. Maybe things could get back... to being better. Connor didn't want to get his hopes up at the same time. He knew they had to take things slow. Figure it all out. But there might still be hope.

"Then we'll touch base after class next week then" Connor said with a small nod.

Cutter smiled, “sounds like a plan,” he said, taking another sip of coffee, “I’m looking forward to it,”

"Same here" Connor said simply as he suddenly felt a bit awkward. "I... I'll see ya around, by class if not sooner," he said with a nod as he started to head out.

Cutter nodded, shifting a bit awkwardly, “I’ll see you in class on Monday?” he winced at how much of a question that sounded like.

"Aye. I'll see ya, Nick" Connor said as he headed out.

Cutter nodded and picked up his phone so he could reply to Becker's text, "okay, I'll see you then," he replied as Connor left.

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JGoB - Friday Morning

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