Trooper Station | Tuesday

[knife_bender]

Diego's paranoia about Annie going into labor while he was at work was still there simmering in the background, however after just a few days of her on bedrest...well, he was kind of looking forward to being at work.

He loved his wife, but he underestimated how little time it would take for her to be absolutely done with bedrest and he could use the break.

[Open]

Comments

[defenderofdesmoines]

I would be so fckn good on the Price is Right. read the text that came in about mid-morning.

Annie was obviously making the most of this bedrest, how dare you.

[knife_bender]

Diego snorted when he read the text, leaning back into his chair.

what makes you say that??

[defenderofdesmoines]

you're telling me you don't think I could make that wheel land EXACTLY where I wanted?

Granted, she'd be on TV with her eyes glowing. People might notice. The plan could maybe use some workshopping.

[knife_bender]

o so this has nothing to do with your ability to guess the price of things

That made so much more sense. Because he knew he didn't know how much a bottle of detergent cost.

[defenderofdesmoines]

for that matter I would also be real good on Wheel of Fortune.

Which also had nothing to do with her ability to spell. And in fact, that would probably be where she fucked up.

the price guessing thing was probably easier when commercials listed prices too. and people shopped circulars.

But fuck all that anyway, cheating was the way to win these games! (Except Plinko. No electricity appeared to be involved in Plinko.)

[knife_bender]

Do you think they'll let you compete from your bed?

Just roll her out on stage.

[defenderofdesmoines]

they SHOULD.

Honestly, with how pregnant she was? She would be such a good pick for Price is Right, really. She was so pregnant she was definitely more interesting than some guy in the military, or some woman who had a birthday. Everyone had birthdays! Diego and Annie's kids would have a birthday, in fact.

Any day now! Any. Day. Now.

that should be a game show. Watch ladies in their ninth month not kill people for being annoying, creatively reach stuff on the floor, and also win prizes

[knife_bender]

and all the work would induce birth! Great idea!

Maybe they should create an obstacle course in the house to get those kids out.

[defenderofdesmoines]

we could call it DUE DATE and you only win if you go into labor close to your due date but not after.

Like The Price is Right! Though honestly, Annie felt like anyone who went past her due date deserved extra money, based on how she was feeling a full three weeks before her own.

[knife_bender]

i hope you're writing these brilliant ideas down

It'd be a way to pass the time at least.

[defenderofdesmoines]

I have a whole list in my phone to send to Merv Griffin's people.

Merv Griffin was, like, super-dead, right? Whatever.

ftr I don't think I'd be as good on Jeopardy.

And not just because the only category she'd had any luck with this morning had been Potent Potables, okay.

[knife_bender]

oh me either. Our skills lie in other areas

No trivia nights for either of them anywhere in the near future.

maybe we can put on some horror movies tonight. try to scare the kids out of you

[defenderofdesmoines]

nothing with parasites or aliens, tho.

Did that need explaining? Annie felt it did not.

or clowns. you know they're gonna have some little friend someday whose mom didn't get the clown memo

Really, they might need to build immunity against clowns before it was too late.

[knife_bender]

i'm so afraid of other parents, you have no idea.

Kids he could handle. Other parents? There was a 80% chance Diego was going to get a nemesis in the PTA when the time comes.

[defenderofdesmoines]

we've got a little time before we really need to talk to other parents, at least? other parents of babies, anyway.

A good...oh, six months or so, before Annie would be pretending the idea of playdates made any sense at all.

[knife_bender]

good point. I'm still ready to throw hands with them if need be

Well that wasn't shocking information.

you need me to pick anything up after work?

[defenderofdesmoines]

did you hear Raiden had candy corn pizza yesterday?????

Dangerous questions got dangerous answers, Diego.

we need to also model good behavior, remember. can't have little hands being thrown, too.

Though honestly, a baby fight was kind of a cute image.

[knife_bender]

I am not allowing candy corn into our house

What if Annie ate candy corn while pregnant and then the twins ended up being candy corn fiends? The horror!

[grenadesandohana]

"No kids yet?" Steve asked, grinning, as he came into the office.

[defenderofdesmoines]

Look, they were already doomed to loving coconut, apparently. And probably bullshit taffy, too.

Man, if only Annie wasn't off peanut butter. She would have been all over those cheap black-and-orange-wrapped peanut butter-flavored taffies that no one on the planet really liked.

The only response to this affront of a text from her husband, naturally, was a slew of emoji crying faces in a row. Like, six of them, at least.

[knife_bender]

"Nope," Diego said, sighing. "Just one very frustrated, very pregnant wife on bedrest at home."

[knife_bender]

sorry babe this is where I put my foot down.

The good news about Annie liking gross candy, however, would definitely pay off when the kids were old enough to trick or treat. Nothing would be thrown away in disgust!

[grenadesandohana]

"I'd last about a day," Steve admitted. "I hate sitting still."

[defenderofdesmoines]

They also probably had a good handful of years ahead where, like, 'nuts were gross,' and Diego could take Snickers off the kids' hands, too.

this is unfair but it's also hot when you put your foot down.

Obstacle courses were just one activity known to induce labor. Just saying!

[knife_bender]

are you trying to make me leave work early?

Because it was just oh so busy here. He was totally swamped with...the tons of work he had.

[knife_bender]

"She's definitely doing better than I would be," he said. "But I'm kind of afraid she's going to start fighting people on the internet out of boredom."

[defenderofdesmoines]

Plus he had, like, a super unbeatable trump card in the form of Oh No My Pregnant Wife At Home Needs Me!

are you offering? I thought you had crimes to solve and stuff.

Annie was sincerely unsure whether the FPD had solved literally even one crime in the three years she'd lived here.

[grenadesandohana]

"Well, there are worse ways to spend time," Steve said.

No, Steve. Bad Steve.

[knife_bender]

so many crimes. up to my eyeballs in crimes.

Ahahaha that would never be the case.

but i'd be willing to give them all to Ralph and come home

[knife_bender]

"She's supposed to be relaxing," Diego said. "Internet trolls are the opposite of relaxing."

[grenadesandohana]

"Okay, that's a fair point," Steve said, settling into his chair.

[defenderofdesmoines]

you trust Ralph with that kind of responsibility?

Annie did not trust Ralph to tie his shoes. Or anyone's shoes, since the troopers didn't seem to wear shoes with laces on the reg.

[knife_bender]

no. do i care? also no

Great future parent.

[knife_bender]

"If you have any suggestions on entertaining a pregnant woman, I'm all ears," he said. "There's only so much Price is Right I can watch."

[defenderofdesmoines]

this will give you such good practice at being sternly disappointed in someone, then.

There you go, justify it!

which like, again, hot.

[grenadesandohana]

"I'm pretty smart about a lot of things, but entertaining pregnant woman has never come up," Steve admitted. The last pregnant woman he'd known was Danny's ex-wife Rachel and she and he had low-key loathed each other about it.

"Um. Don't suppose she wants to take up knitting or something?"

[knife_bender]

I'll be sure to practice my stern looks on you when i get home.

Weird dirty talk, people.

[knife_bender]

"I could suggest that," Diego said. "But only if you agree to be the recipient of anything she knits."

That'd be a nice challenge for Annie. Make a dorky knitted hat for Steve.

[grenadesandohana]

He could wear them with his giant puffer jacket that made him look like a marshmallow. A badass marshmallow.

"Sure!"

[knife_bender]

"Excellent!" Diego said with a grin. "I'll let you know when your first wonky pair of socks are ready."

[grenadesandohana]

"I'll wear 'em with pride," Steve promised, grinning back.

He didn't get a lot of homemade gifts.

[defenderofdesmoines]

guess what? I'm eating candy corn right now. got it doordashed.

So, like, it was now an emergency. Get home to put your foot down stat, Diego.

(It was also a lie, but that was neither here nor there.)

[knife_bender]

"You're a good man," Diego joked. "Or a weird man. One or the other."

Or both. Both was an option.

[knife_bender]

NOOOOOOOOO

He knew it was likely a lie, but still. He had to be dramatic.

coming home asap!!!

[grenadesandohana]

Steve grinned. "Possibly both."