The Walmart in the Woods, Friday Afternoon

[carbsliftthespirit]

It was hard to say where the idea had come from, but clean out of other ideas, someone had suggested, "What if we just attack Walmart?" and so a call had gone out. Well, a group text, with instructions to bring your friends.

And now...it was time. The monster and its low, low prices awaited.

...Uh, did anyone know how to defeat a Walmart? Theft, maybe? Was looting involved? Let's try that.

(Come one, come all, to the Walmart riot. You know you've always wanted to do this.)

Comments

Gather in the Parking Lot

[carbsliftthespirit]

For all your riot pre-gaming needs. Warm up. Stretch. Make a game plan for what you're gonna steal first.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[justalittlerepressed]

So, the fire station now had a singing fish that would sometimes spout the evils of Capitalism at then.

That was fine.

But Walmart was still there and Eddie was... there to see what they could do to stop it. Ignore the Christmas list in his hand.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[grenadesandohana]

Did Steve need to drive up in another rickshaw? Probably not. Did it need to have a new bumper sticker that read "Can We Stop at Buc-ee's?" Definitely not.

But here they both were anyway.

Steve stepped out of the rickshaw and surveyed the Walmart through a pair of completely unnecessary binoculars. "Right. Their defenses are just as flimsy as yesterday."

Because it's a shopping center, Steve.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[sword_chocobro]

Once word got out that the plan was basically just to show up and fuck up the Walmart, it didn't take much to get all three chocobos on board, with their various levels of hating almost literally everything about this. Prompto even hitched a quick portal back from New Jersey, knowing that at least Liz and Noctra would be safe out there in case things got really hairy, but...hey, it was Fandom. Gathering together and joining forces to fuck things up at times like this was kind of what they did best.

And, you know what? It just felt really good to get together and do what they did best together, too. See? Gladio told you guys all that training wasn't for nothing! Maybe they could even manage to snag a few spoils while they were at it, too. Baby supplies. New cookware. Literally every Cup Noodles^TM container on the shelves...

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[napking]

It was too bad, Gray thought, that they'd set the Halloween candy by the entrance on fire yesterday. Those poor Reese's pumpkins hadn't deserved that fate. They had deserved to be thrown into his cart and then scarfed down at will as rioting fuel.

Oh, well. He had a very large, very syrup-laden coffee (from The Perk, not any of those other places) as a substitute, and he was bouncing on the toes of his Converse, ready to get to it.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[carbsliftthespirit]

Raiden was unsure about this plan. Specifically, its lack of a generalized plan shape, which even he could recognize. Surely there was like an evil beating heart inside the Walmart that they needed to stab or a demon manager or something....? No? Just 'attack the Walmart.' Okay, sure, he could do that, and someone needed to keep an eye on Gray in the chaos.

There was probably some cookware or something in there that he could use, although it was Walmart, so he might have to fight Ignis for the stuff worth actually having.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[no_culdesac]

Nancy wasn't entirely sure what attacking a Walmart entailed -- but the last time she'd had to deal with something messy and retail-adjacent, guns had been the answer.

Did she feel maybe a lot silly walking up with a totally-not-a-felony sawed-off shotgun slung across her back? Like, this was overkill, right? But at least she was prepared even if all she ended up doing in there was stealing one of those new video game consoles for Eddie and kicking some stuff. Merry Christmas, friend. Fuck the man.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[seriesofbaddecisions]

Sabine didn't know what attacking a Walmart meant, but she was pretty sure she didn't need armor for it. She did however arrive armed and with a couple bombs just in case, as is good and normal.

You never knew!

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[meepmeepmeep]

Beaker had kitted out a shopping cart to make it move under its own power (ie: had strapped a smallish rocket engine to it because you can buy ANYTHING at a Walmart).

Fear not! He was wearing a helmet, too, so clearly all shall go according to plan.

And in deference to the Muppet Rule of Funny, he also had an improbably large boombox with him, cued up to the Benny Hill theme song.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[special_rabbit]

Amaya may have had her class chucking pumpkins at the Walmart earlier, but how many times does she get a chance to pull out the Crumbler and bring it to something and have it actually fulfil its intended purpose and live up to its name???

Not nearly often enough!

So she was there, and so was Missus Crumbler, and they were ready to....well...crumble!

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[deathsmajesty]

A swirl of inky black vapor reached out with thick tendrils and a second layer, Liliana was stepping out from the middle of it. "So this is a Walmart," she said, lip curling. "Unimpressed."

Because she was here for violence, she'd left her long, rustling gowns and fine jewelry at home - save for the golden headdress she always wore, though right now it felt a little bit like angels, if you were sensitive to that sort of thing. Instead, she was wearing a thin linen dress, split in the front and high enough to show not only the tops of her thigh-high boots but also the garter holding up her stockings (and the sheathe attached to the garter on her right thigh). Black leather fingerless gloves stretched up to her elbows and the chain veil rested on one hip, chiming softly with every step. A thick, leather satchel was slung along the other, carefully placed so it wouldn't foul up her movements. Other than the knife at her thigh and another at the small of her back, she carried no weapons.

But then, why would she?

Already, her eyes were glowing with a soft purple light and the occasional sigil glimmered over her skin before it vanished again.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[died8yearsago]

Rosa's plan was simple: get in there first, grab one of those giant bags of popcorn they sold in the concession stand/maybe a Subway, and then duck out with it, find a place to sit, and enjoy the show.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[drumsticksandd20s]

Oh look, a way to vent all the anger that came with her regularly scheduled October PTSD, plus all her irritation with, well, everything this week! Steph wasn't ordinarily a violent person -- no, some of her particularly vicious boss battle encounters didn't count here -- but her inner meta Tyler Durden had been climbing the walls all week.

Not being accustomed to this sort of thing she didn't have any gear on her, just a lighter and an aerosol can because she'd always wanted to try that anyway.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Listen. Arden would like to insist she was here for a bunch of high-minded reasons like how capitalism was a nightmare hellscape and was ruining their planet...and that was super true!

But also she was broke and hell yeah she was here to go riot-shopping. She'd even made a list of stuff she needed, in order of necessity and also likelihood of getting raided first.

Hell yeah, her hair was getting the good conditioner soon.

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[wildgalegirl]

Charlie was here and ready to riot!

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Jon...had no idea how you fought a Walmart, but given capitalism on this scale was de facto evil, he was going to do his best!

Re: Gather in the Parking Lot

[giveittoyoursister]

It wasn't that Vi was opposed to attacking the Walmart, but she had been around enough riots not to worry about how quickly this might turn.

Time for a Riot

[carbsliftthespirit]

Show your disapproval of the capitalist hellscape by wrecking the shit out of it!

Re: Time for a Riot

[meepmeepmeep]

Well, someone had to get this ridiculous, amazing plan started, and he did have the theme music and a limited amount of fuel in his rocket, so...

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep--" shrieked Beaker in his tactical shopping cart, aimed mostly at the automatic doors.

The Benny Hill music played jauntily over the screaming.

Re: Time for a Riot

[deathsmajesty]

Amidst all the violence and rioting and more haphazard looting, a zombie in neatly-tailored livery was strolling through the baby aisles, adding everything in reach to the largest cart he could find. And when that was full, he carefully pushed it out to the edge of the parking lot, then grabbed another cart and began the process all over again.

There was one cart given over to just diapers, 8mos and up.

Re: Time for a Riot

[drumsticksandd20s]

...yeah, look, Steph was going to try and save all the gaming stuff she could, okay? Not to resell in her store, because that would be weird, but she knew of a bunch of queer gaming clubs that were always up for donations and she couldn't think of a better place for the stuff to end up, so... as much of that as she could fit into a cart would be leaving with her, thank you very much.

Re: Time for a Riot

[carbsliftthespirit]

Raiden was still unsure how to properly attack a Walmart, but while he was pushing a cart half full of snacks around trying to figure out how to proceed he came across a display of those waffle makers with the removable seasonal plates. He looked around, verified Gray was nowhere in sight, then tucked the box underneath some chips in his cart. That was Gray's Christmas present sorted.

After further consideration, he went across the aisle and pushed a display of allergy medication over. "Oops," he said aloud, and then moved on. Was there anything in a Walmart Castor might like? Unlikely, but he'd keep looking.

Burn That Sucker Down

[carbsliftthespirit]

Please wait for the lucky RNG'd individual to ping in.

Re: Burn That Sucker Down

[deathsmajesty]

By the time Liliana's spells had finished, she was out of breath, her forehead drenched in sweat. But the building was sagging, a little. It was grimy and gross and looked like it should be condemned.

But that wasn't enough. This place needed to be gone.

She floated back down to the ground in the doorway of the building, sagging just a little. "If you're inside, head out now," she thundered, loud enough to send one of the light fixtures falling to the ground.

She waited a minute or so, and then satisfied that she'd given sufficient warning, she reached into her satchel and pulled out the Shadowblood Egg. Hefting it in one hand, she flung it down into the ground where it shattered, turning into red and black mist that circled around her and absorbed into her skin, causing her purple markings to glow brighter.

And then she reached back into her bag and pulled out her fireshrieker, an artifact carved to resemble the mouth of a dragon - for very good reason. The artifact was no sooner equipped then she was swinging it outwards to send a gout of flame around the room.

Red wasn't her preferred mana type, but it didn't require finesse, only a desire to destroy. And she didn't need much - just a drop, to turn all the black mana she was pouring into it into banefire.

Half the store was on fire by the time she was done with the first blast and her legs were feeling rubbery, but that was where the fireshrieker came in handy, allowing her to push away her fatigue and do it again, pouring the last of her mana into the spell.

She couldn't help but think of a song she'd heard (over and over and over again) yesterday in the shop.

"We don't need no water," she said, the heat from the fire pushing her out the door one step at a time. "Let this motherfucker--"

The mouth of the fireshrieker glowed red and then white and the flames that poured forth were bright enough to create afterimages in her vision.

"Burn."

Escape From Walmart

[carbsliftthespirit]

Regroup in the parking lot with your spoils. Possibly sway like the Whos and sing that song from The Grinch look, IDK, this part is Elaine's vision as capitalism is destroyed, kinda sorta.

Re: Escape From Walmart

[napking]

Good news, everyone! Gray had made it out of the Walmart before going down this time. And as an additional bonus, he had collapsed on top of his looted cartful of Squishmallows. He actually looked rather comfortable.

There might not be room for him on his bed after this. Oh, well. He'd figure that out later.

OOC

[carbsliftthespirit]

I can't believe it's finally time to burn down Walmart.

I also can't believe I haven't been hauled away for questioning in a Walmart black site by this point in the plot.