The Perk; Sunday Afternoon [03/31].

[chef_chocobro]

The rather sudden and impromptu escape to Argentina for a few days had proven to be just the thing to cap off Ignis' excellent week (and how was that, for character growth, that he should be applying words like sudden and impromptu with such glowing regard?), but he and Liliana had made their inevitable return, and it was time to focus again on other things. Namely, the fancy cake that he had promised Nell for Gladio's birthday coming up, and so, once situated back at home, he was overdue for a trip to the grocery store to collect ingredients and probably complain at Apu slightly over a few things being rearranged around the shelves.

And, while he was out and about, he figured he might as well also stop by the Perk for a little pick-me-up for his journey back to the mansion. Yes, there was coffee at home and he would have having some of that coffee when he returned and set to the task of dinner, but when was there ever such a thing as too much coffee? And it had been a while, really, since he'd stopped by and just got himself a nice latte or, in this case, a traditional macchiato, just a tiny spot of something to enjoy and maybe do a little mild people-listening before heading back, a little bit of a reminder that he probably should make the time to do this a little more often.

[[ and also open! with some potential spottiness from me here and there but o h w e l l ]]

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[doesdoctorstuff]

In the shadows, the lurker lurked, watching Ignis through the glass. Watching...waiting...lurking.

And, once the time was right, after it had been determined that Ignis was alone, that no one would come to his aid, the lurker struck.

"Hey!" Navaan said, flinging herself into the chair across from him at his table. "You're the world's bitchiest sorceress's boyfriend, right?"

[chef_chocobro]

There was...a significant pause, and a reminder of why perhaps he should not actually make the time to do this more often.

"Well, I don't know if I would say exactly that," he finally noted, suddenly wishing his drink was either much larger or much closer to being finished.

Did he mean the world's bitchiest sorceress part? The boyfriend part? Both?

Either way, his attention was shifting to trying to recognize the voice.

"Though I suppose it isn't entirely inaccurate. And you are...?"

[doesdoctorstuff]

"I'm Navaan!" she announced cheerfully. And also helpfully.

Well, she had been mentioned on the radio a lot, especially this week. Which she was proud of, the same way she'd be proud of seeing her name and number scrawled on a bathroom wall with the phrase For a good time, call...

"I came to offer you a favor!"

[chef_chocobro]

Shockingly, Ignis' attention for radio this last week had been...limited.

Ignis took a sip of his drink, perhaps as a reminder that this pitstop had not entirely been a mistake.

"Did you, now?" he asked, wondering just how much he would regret asking this question, but damned if he didn't find himself almost terribly curious. "And what sort of favor would that be?"

[doesdoctorstuff]

Probably out of frustration, considering what she knew about his relationship with the world's bitchiest sorceress.

But, that was why she was here! You're welcome, Ignis.

"A nice, healthy fuck when you want it!" she said, with the earnestness of someone who did, genuinely believe that she was offering help. "I know you're not getting it at home and you clearly got this whole pent up thing--" She gestured at him, a sweeping motion meant to encompass his entire...everything. "--so I figured I would help!"

Very noble, Navaan.

[chef_chocobro]

Excuse you. That was the multiverse's bitchiest sorceress. Show some respect.

And a certain, odd sense of dread started to creep over Ignis, the kind that could only been borne from a district fear of being on the brink of losing another of his senses, especially once he depended on as greatly as his auditory ones, because, clearly, he had to have heard Navaan incorrectly. That was the only logical explanation here...

"I beg your pardon?" he asked, feeling incredibly grateful that his cup had not made it back to his lips to drink yet.

[doesdoctorstuff]

Somewhere, Liliana was preening over having been given her due. And also incandescently furious over this entire conversation.

"I'll help you work off some of that pent-up frustration because you're not getting laid otherwise," Navaan chirped. His hearing clearly was going, what with him not having heard her the first time. Abstinence-induced hearing loss? More common than you think! "I do radio sometimes--" Once. It had been once. "--and I listen to it!" Also sometimes. "And there was the time you didn't get laid in the shower and the squirrels are always freaking out reading about your notes, because of the whole not getting any thing, so I'm offering to help out."

Because if anybody needed help loosening up with a few orgasms, it was this guy. And Arthur. Definitely also Arthur.

[chef_chocobro]

See, now, if Navaan was particularly clever about it, she would have leaned into the efficiency of it and taken care of two blind prudes with one bang.

Ignis set down his cup and took a moment to fight the urge to just immediately start massaging the dull migraine already building behind his eyes.

"I assure you," he then stated, very firm and very clear, "there is absolutely no issue in that regard, though I suppose your....concern...is..."

It was not often, that Ignis found himself at an utter loss of words, and yet, there he was now, feeling the urge to reconsider his insistence on keeping those squirrels all on their tows with various threats and knives.

"...flattering?"

Sure. That choice felt safe.

Ish.

[doesdoctorstuff]

Did you really wanna be giving her ideas, Ignis? Did you?

"It's okay," she said, her voice full of sympathy. "I waited to make sure the world's bitchiest sorceress wasn't here. You can be honest. I'm a doctor. I'm here to help." She shook her head sadly. "You go three days without coming, your balls explode. Trust me. I did an experiment about it."

[Comic very NSFW]

[stykera]

What could possibly help Ignis right now to deal with the very awkward conversation he was having?
What about having Stark walk in to observe it? That would totally make it better!

"Ignis," he said, with an unseen nod as he headed to the counter.

"And...Navaan." Don't make it weird, Stark.

[chef_chocobro]

It may, at one point, had crossed his mind at some point that the last time Ignis had bothered people-listening at the Perk, he actually had gotten along with Stark, since it was usually Stark that would show up to chat for a bit...

There was a reason he had not dwelled on that thought, and, well, this reminder was not doing the People-Listening at the Perk concept any favors.

He drew in a breath, one of many meant to solidify his resolve, which felt like it may be slowly crumbling.

"Stark."

Even a short, terse, clipped greeting was still a greeting, and therefore, now no one could accuse him of having been unduly rude...although he'd rather insist he would be completely justified in being so.

[stykera]

They had gotten along then because Stark hadn't yet unwittingly caused harm to Ignis by unwittingly causing harm to the woman he loved lived with. Although the woman in question was doing quite well at this point.

"You're all right?"

He'd met the vampire in the room. She could be a lot!

[chef_chocobro]

And that woman's current status of doing quite well at this point was exactly why Stark was receiving any regard from Ignis at the moment in the slightest.

"I'm doing quite well, thank you," he said, the very veneer of stilted politeness, "though I no doubt have been doing better."

Oh, those halcyon days of but a mere half hour ago, without misguided vampires of sketchy medical qualifications and masked men with overly inflated ideas of their purpose...

There was a great deal of debate within himself about just how dedicated to this barely-there sheen of decorum he was presenting there was before asking, "And yourself?"

[stykera]

Would it help Ignis to know that Stark had been suffering from something of an identity crisis re: his purpose ever since that day?

"Doing well enough," he said quietly. "Ready for a new week."

[chef_chocobro]

Yes, actually, it would, immensely, although Ignis would have much preferred if that identity crisis could have come a bit before he decided to just assume that a plea for help involved guiding the woman he'd come to love live with over to the other side.

"Ah," he said, "then you're in luck, because I do believe we are heading into one."

That was, after all, how time tended to work, Stark.

[stykera]

If they ever had a real conversation again it might come up!

"We seem to be. Though we've had days repeat here, before. It could happen again."
He wouldn't mind repeating yesterday. Or Friday.

[chef_chocobro]

"Well, then," Ignis allowed, with a small reminder to himself to perhaps lighten up on his own pedantry a little, because, good gods, was he truly that insufferable with it? "Here's to hoping, then, that your tomorrow is indeed tomorrow, and that this day," and most of all this conversation, "shall not, in fact, be repeated."

[stykera]

Did Ignis really want an answer to that question posed by his narrative?

"I hope your day is a new one tomorrow as well then," Stark said.

He always felt off-balance when trying to talk to Ignis now. He ought to try and figure out a way to solve it but he had no idea how.

"And that the rest of today goes well?"

Could Ignis feel the look in Navaan's direction.

[doesdoctorstuff]

"Hey! Hiiii...Mask Guy!"

No, Navaan had no idea what his name was. Look, they'd hooked up in the back room of the bar, names hadn't been required.

That didn't make her any less glad to see him! And possibly hook up in the back room of the coffee shop!

[stykera]

"Stark," he said. "My name is Stark."

Sure, names hadn't been required on Wednesday but Wednesday had been an odd day and today was a nice normal day without any pollen in the air. There could be names and no hook ups in the back room!

[doesdoctorstuff]

But...why?

"Stark?" Navaan asked, perking up. "Like naked? Is your last name Naked? If it's not, it should be!"

[stykera]

"No. Not like naked! I'm just Stark. I only have the one name."

His name was going to be Stark Naked to Navaan forever, wasn't it?

[doesdoctorstuff]

But at least it guaranteed she'd remember his name!

"Starkers is another word for naked," Navaan mused. "So that still sounds like your name is Naked."

Starkers Naked, that was him.

[stykera]

"But I'm not naked," Stark protested. He was fully clothed! He'd been fully clothed all day today!

[doesdoctorstuff]

Well, that just seemed like a tragedy all the way around. He should fix that!

"Well, you don't have to do something all the time to be named that," she pointed out. "I'm not 'navaaned' right now and that's my name."