Trooper Station, Friday

[pocketpretzels]

On his way to the Station this morning, Watts had very nearly been bowled over by what he could only describe as a herd of raccoons thundering past him.

When he got to the Station, it was to find two raccoons locked in the cells, hissing angrily at each other through the bars.

"Oh, yeah," Ralph said with a knowing nod. "The Mayoral Race can get a little- cutthroat in the final lap."

"Mayoral race? We already have a mayor," Watts felt compelled to point out.

"A humanoid mayor, sure," Ralph agreed. "This was for raccoon mayor. It's different."

"I can see that, considering it apparently involves a literal race," Watts said, before heading to his office.

Did Miss Faden know the raccoons apparently had their own mayor? Did it matter, if the raccoon mayor didn't actually wield any authority over anyone but the raccoons themselves?

Comments

[weirderthanthou]

It was the season, wasn't it? Ring, ring, went the telephone.

[pocketpretzels]

“Trooper Station, Detective Llewellyn Watts speaking,” Watts answered the telephone.

[weirderthanthou]

"Hi, this is Jesse." Beat. "I mean, Mayor Faden." One day she'd get it. "Uh, I just wanted to let you know we've been getting some complaints about you disrupting the democratic process? So I just wanted to check in and make sure the raccoon mayoral elections are going okay."

[pocketpretzels]

“Disrupting the- I was using the stairway!” A dubious claim at best, given how Watts tended to walk along the cement retaining walls of outdoor stairways rather than the stairs themselves, but never mind that.

[weirderthanthou]

"Boris, the raccoon lawyer, is very litigious," Jesse said apologetically. "So we have to make sure we dot our i's and cross our t's on this one."

[pocketpretzels]

“Of course,” Watts said, sounding slightly resigned. “Hang on,” he added, placing a hand over the telephone receiver as Ralph came into his office to ask a question.

“Ralph would like to know if you’ve heard whether a raccoon has shown up at Mooby Land to claim their crown yet.”

Yes, the raccoon mayor got a crown. It was a paper crown from a fast food restaurant but it was a crown!

[weirderthanthou]

"Not yet," Jesse said, an audible sigh in her voice. "I'm really ready for this to be over. I need to know who I have to negotiate with. The process isn't supposed to drag on this long..."

[pocketpretzels]

“Huh,” Watts said thoughtfully. “Negotiations. I hadn’t really thought of that part.”

And this was why he was not the politician.

[weirderthanthou]

"I'm really hoping Ghostface doesn't get it," Jesse said, lowering her voice. "She's a drama queen. And really hard to work with."

[pocketpretzels]

“Ralph is apparently rooting for… Stinky?” Watts said the name a little dubiously. “Says he has some interesting ideas.”

[weirderthanthou]

Jesse tilted her head. "Stinky's weird," she said.

From her, that was almost an endorsement.

"Good at cards, though."

[pocketpretzels]

“Is that- a fundamental part of the negotiation process?” Watts wondered. “Or just recreational?”

[weirderthanthou]

"It helps grease the wheels," Jesse said. A pause. "And sometimes he forgets what he was arguing about. Or for. That's also why I have the banana drawer. Anyway," because this conversation had started with a purpose, "Just... try not to get in their way."

Though if Watts tripped up Ghostface, she'd send him a flower arrangement.

[pocketpretzels]

“Well, unless the race comes through the Trooper Station, I think I should be fine,” Watts said. “Though a heads up next time this is expected would be useful as well. So I can… plan my route more efficiently.”

[weirderthanthou]

"Just once every four years," Jesse promised. "... Unless they get into a fight before then, but you'll know when that happens."

They would all know.

[pocketpretzels]

“Or if someone attempts to recycle the mayor,” Watts pointed out.

[weirderthanthou]

"Well, are you planning to let anyone recycle the raccoon mayor, sheriff?" Jesse said.

Look, the 'raccoon' part had to be asserted in this conversation.

[pocketpretzels]

“Not on my watch,” Watts said firmly. “However I cannot speak for my colleagues.”

[weirderthanthou]

"Then you should get them to shape up," Jesse said. "Human-raccoon relations are vital to the health of this community."

[pocketpretzels]

“You know, that doesn’t surprise me as much as it probably should,” Watts said thoughtfully. “They do run a successful business after all.”

[weirderthanthou]

"I have to liaise with them, the squirrels, the teal deer, the catfish, but the raccoons are definitely the loudest," Jesse said. She cleared her throat. "But I've taken up enough of your time. Have a good day, sheriff."