Midnight Manor Boarding House Kitchen, Wednesday Morning

[single_man_tear]

You know what's good in the morning? Leftovers.

Dean had brought home his french fry extravaganza yesterday and stored it in the fridge for later consumption.

And because poutine is always better the second day (it probably isn't but Dean was craving gravy), Dean opened up the fridge this morning to find.

Everything moving.

The french fries were crawling around the fridge like worms and the various sauces and toppings were sliding around as well.

Dean just stood there with the open door at the chaos he just found.

"Son of a bitch."

[Open! Feel free to mod the French fries]

Comments

[professionalweirdo]

"Oh wow!" Gonzo said, popping up behind Dean to peer around him. (There were many advantages to being made of felt.) "I thought that stuff only happened with Muppet food!"

[single_man_tear]

“So this is normal?” Dean asked. He had picked up a fry which was squirming around between his fingers. “Because I do not think this is normal.”

And if it was a muppet thing it was definitely not cute and fuzzy.

[professionalweirdo]

"Of course not!" Gonzo said. "Muppets don't do normal."

[single_man_tear]

The clam chowder was now making its escape from the refrigerator all the while making strange “galurph” noises. Dean grabbed a spoon and tried to get it back in the original container. “Okay, so it’s not just me feeling it’s weird!”

And now the chili fries were making a break for it.

[professionalweirdo]

"Try using a spatula," Gonzo suggested. "At least it's not trying to eat us?"

A beat.

"You know, yet."

[single_man_tear]

"Not a helpful thought, Gonzo!" Dean shouted as he grabbed a spatula and tried to scoop and move the chowder but instead started crawling up his arm.

And now the chili fries were on the floor.

[professionalweirdo]

Gonzo had found a whisk. He started helpfully whacking at the chowder with it. "No!" he said. "Bad soup! Down!"

[single_man_tear]

Some of the clam chowder sprayed into Dean's face. "Aw, jeez," he groaned. And now all of the fries were escaping the fridge. "Not the poutine! I was going to eat that!"

[professionalweirdo]

"Welp, that just seems rude," Gonzo pointed out. "Maybe ask the poutine first."

[hasaknightjob]

Marc heard the commotion and came by. When he saw the moving food naturally he had to go with, "Midnight, cut it out!"

At which point two red eyes appeared on the wall looking, quite frankly, offended.

"Okay, you had better style," Marc acknowledged. But if this wasn't one of Midnight's illusions then what was it?

"The fuck?" Marc asked Dean. He figured that covered a lot of ground.

[single_man_tear]

"I opened up the fridge and..."

He gestured to all the escaping french fry dishes. The chicken bacon ranch was heading your way, Marc

"Yeah. Fuck sums it up. I swear yesterday it was just lunch."

[hasaknightjob]

"Fucking - " Look, instincts were instincts. Marc grabbed a knife off the counter - a butter knife, but still - and threw it at the approaching dish.

It hit, but did not help.

"At least you see it too," Marc said. Hey, with his life that counted as a silver lining.

[single_man_tear]

"Scooping seems to be more effective than hitting, stabbing, smashing or kicking," Dean said shoveling another scoop of clam chowder into a trash can and smacking back the stuff trying to crawl out. "I was eating this stuff yesterday."

[hasaknightjob]

Marc looked at the stuff climbing out of the trash, then looked at Dean. He had to ask, "Is it coming out of you next?"

Marc was not gonna offer to hold Dean's hair if that was the case.

[single_man_tear]

There was a sudden look of alarm as Dean's posture went very upright as he looked down at all the wiggling french fries on the ground and all the toppings.

"Son of a bitch! I hope not," he groaned.

[hasaknightjob]

Marc possibly scooted a little bit away from Dean. No reason.

"Okay. Uh, Midnight, can you help us out here?" Marc asked.

The eyes on the wall narrowed. Then metal plates slid up from the floor, encasing the crawling chicken bacon ranch. Before it could climb out, another plate slammed on top of it to hold it in place. Then the box started to grow smaller onto itself with the clear intent to disappear.

"Nice," Marc said. "I guess that's one way to - "

And then Marc realized. "Wait! No! Spit it out! Drop it!"

Marc didn't know if this counted as Midnight trying to eat the food, but at the same time Marc did not want to find out if a sentient pocket dimension could get the runs if it swallowed something it shouldn't. Frankly, nobody did.

[single_man_tear]

Okay now Dean was focusing on something other than the clam chowder.

"The house can do that too?!"

I mean stripper poles are one thing but...

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Soooo...Arden currently had a goose. Graham seemed like a very polite goose all things considered, but there was no denying that he was, in fact, an unnecessarily oversized waterfowl with teeth. (Even with her affinity for birds, Arden was of the opinion that most waterfowl were unnecessarily oversized, because most of them were fucking bullies. Graham was most emphatically not a bully, but there had been a slight scuffle over pie last night that had underscored the fact that geese did not have to be as big as they were.)

So when Arden came down before her library shift, Graham, of course, accompanied her. And when Dean allowed the French fry monstrosities to escape well...Graham was also there.

Graham was also a big fan of French fries, apparently in either form. "Graham, no!" she said, slightly horrified. "Dean, whaaat?"

[single_man_tear]

"I don't know! Yesterday it was lunch!" Dean exclaimed as he was trying to scoop the nacho fries into the trash can. "Now I'm wondering if I need my stomach pumped."

Then there was a realization in between scoops of fries.

"A goose?"

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"It's Graham!" Arden said, trying to catch Graham before he could scarf down any of that buffalo chicken dip. "He turned into a goose when he covered my radio shift!"

Why were these words she had to say in her real life?

[single_man_tear]

Dean opened his mouth to say something but the eggy french fries launched itself from the counter at Dean.

"Gah! Yeah. Well I would keep his beak shut because I don't know what would happen if we ingest this crap!"

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

"Are you gonna go to the clinic?" Arden asked, still chasing Graham.

Yeah, Dean, go to the clinic. It would probably be fine.

[single_man_tear]

"I didn't eat it today," Dean reasoned. "And I don't want any acorns!"

There's a logic to that statement but only if you knew Navaan.

[afraid_of_marshmallows]

Arden had met Navaan and it still didn't make any sense. "Cool, I don't want any coffee, is saying stuff we don't want supposed to help somehow?"

[single_man_tear]

"Just keep the goose out of the bacon ranch fries and don't worry about it!" Dean said looking and feeling exasperated.