The Ink Spot, Friday, October 4, 2024

[fears_no_one]

October was apparently a good month for independence days. On the counter--next to a small, slightly sticky, plastic shark--were small flags representing Cyprus, Nigeria, Tuvalu, Iraq, and Lesotho. Flint was in his usual chair by the window. His book of choice was Don Quixote in the original Spanish.

He was being reminded as he read that his Spanish was kind of terrible.

The shop was open!

Comments

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Hello, peanut!" Wade called out cheerfully as he burst on into the shop. "You're not Logan. Though I'm intrigued by the little model UN thing you have going here. I can't give my opinions on certain current events without Feige coming down on me like the wrath of an angry god."

[fears_no_one]

Flint gave the only reaction reasonable to an entrance like this: "What?!"

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Logan," Wade repeated in that louder, slower way that was just deeply obnoxious. "About yay high. Hips of a dancer. Loads of body hair."

[fears_no_one]

Flint had spent zero time contemplating his employee's hips.

"Ah," he said after a pause that showed how little he cared for talking. "He works Sundays."

There! Conversation concluded, right?

[maximum_eff0rt]

Shame, Flint. They had rhythm.

"And you are? Other than a cover of pirate themed romance novel?"

[fears_no_one]

"Flint," Flint replied. "And you?"

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Wade Wilson," he said, slipping on in to inspect the place. "Quite the hoarder's delight you've got here. Tell me, how does my ol' buddy Logan do here?"

Was he doing well? Making friends?

"Doing well? Making friends."

Fuck you, narrative. He'd say it out loud.

[fears_no_one]

"He's joined the Supper Club," Flint said, cheerfully throwing Logan under a bus. Not that he knew what a bus was.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"...with dinner jackets, cigars, and period appropriate casual misogyny?" Wade ventured slowly.

[fears_no_one]

"With plastic sharks in watered down drinks and a fried onion," Flint said.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Watered down drinks and fried onions... You went to Outback?" Wade was heartbroken that he wasn't there for it! Just heartbroken! "Hugh, how could you?"

[fears_no_one]

"Who's Hugh?" Flint asked.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Not important!" Wade said, pointing at him. "Oh, that hussy."

[fears_no_one]

"Are you his--" Flint couldn't come up with a correct word for this, "--keeper?"

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Is that some old timey slang for something because it's only subtext in the way that's so violent that it's almost more explicit than making it text," Wade replied flippantly. "But I guess we're still waiting to see if they wimp out at the last minute with that new musical show."

[fears_no_one]

"Did someone drop something very heavy on your head recently?" Flint asked.

He could understand the impulse to drop something very heavy on this man's head.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Not recently, no," Wade said, seriously considering it.

[fears_no_one]

"Because your last sentence was absolute gibberish," Flint told him.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Oh, that's what they say," Wade agreed. "But don't worry, I'm charming enough to be worth the R rating."

[fears_no_one]

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

[maximum_eff0rt]

"It's okay," Wade assured him, reaching over unwisely to pat Flint on the cheek. "Precious lil' nepo baby."

[fears_no_one]

"I will stab you," Flint told him.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Oh, I see how you and him worth together now," Wade admitted, shifting gears to pat him on the chest. Totally different and less stabbable, right?

[fears_no_one]

"Has he tried to stab you, too?" Flint asked hopefully. "Did it work?"

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Oh ho ho, many times," Wade replied smugly. "I might look like Freddy Kruger's left testicle, but this here? Regenerative healing factor."

[fears_no_one]

Flint was just learning how to skip past the 80 percent of the sentence he didn't understand and focus on the parts he did. So...yes to being stabbed, knowledge that he did look like a testicle, and healing factor. Flint could work with this!

"How did you get a healing factor like that?" he asked. It could come in handy for when he eventually went back to 1715! How he would get back to 1715 was a problem for future Flint.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Torture," Wade replied. "Oh, just go watch the first movie. This is the recap time."

Wait.

"Or just a mutation."

[fears_no_one]

"Oh, of course," Flint said like he had the vaguest idea what he was talking about.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Hey, maybe it'll happen for you too," Wade said before shaking his head and mouthing, 'It won't'.

[fears_no_one]

"Maybe," Flint said. The silence stretched for a moment. "Logan isn't here," he added.

[maximum_eff0rt]

He was doing the lord's work here, Flint. Honestly.

"Do you two just sit and brood together? I'm getting a vibe."

[fears_no_one]

"Sometimes we just ignore each other, too."

Hint hint.

[maximum_eff0rt]

He got the hint. But he wasn't taking it, no no.

"Precious. Wait until you get to the third act backstory flashback."

[fears_no_one]

"I still don't understand what you're saying," Flint retorted.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"You will in time," Wade promised. "But, either way, let my lil' peanut know I stopped by. Will you?"

[fears_no_one]

"I will not call him that," Flint said.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Oh right, he probably prefers the manly, manly Wolverine, but we can't all have what we want."

[fears_no_one]

"Wolverine?" Flint repeated.

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Oh yeah, that's his code name. Very scary."

It actually was to some people, but...

[fears_no_one]

"What's a wolverine?"

[maximum_eff0rt]

"Like if a bear and a weasel had a very smelly baby," Wade replied, adding in hand gestures to show it was happening. It wasn't very PG.

[fears_no_one]

Flint looked extremely unhappy when he figured out the hand gestures. "Thank you."

Not really.