fandomtownies | All and Sundries, 5/5

Clothespin for your nose?

Anders, likewise, wouldn't know Cinco de Mayo if it hat-danced on his head. (There are many things Anders might not know if they came up and did any sort of dance you could think of on his head, but that's a subject for another time.) In a bit of a hurry (and still highly traumatized after this morning's ~~not-yet-played-out~~ Driver's Ed final), he proceeds to scurry about the aisles and pick up a picnic basket's worth of food suitable for eating by a campfire, a couple of bottles of sparkling cider, a bundle of firewood, and a large basket of strawberries. Oh, and a small battery-operated stereo and batteries.

Yes, he even remembers to get the right kind of batteries, and the right amount. It's kind of amazing, really.

He's in such a flurry of excitement that he leaves all fifteen dollars or so of his change on the counter when he goes. Silly boy.

Is in, but not especially chatty today.

Walter opened the door to the store to allow a very scantily clad Nadia (http://community.livejournal.com/fandomtownies/812027.html?thread=32066811#t32066811) precede him.

Staring at anything revealed by the apron? What do you think he is? A teenage boy?

Nadia seemed entirely unconcerned with her currently mostly unclothed state, and headed straight for the party decorations section, with absolutely no dithering to ~~shoplift~~ browse because ~~there was nowhere to hide anything in that outfit~~ she was almost completely out of money.

Edmund raised an eyebrow and may have craned his neck a bit as Nadia walked by.

Was this common warm weather attire?

Walter may have also shot Blackadder an extremely unfriendly look and interposed his body between Blackadder and his view of anything exposed by Nadia's apron.

That he had the view instead was entirely incidental.

"So, pirate themed stuff."

"Yes," agreed Nadia, who had, in fact, not noticed Edmund staring. "Skulls, crossbones, hats, bandanas, hooks . . . no eyepatches, though."

"Yes, we can skip the eyepatches." He sorted through the party supplies, snerking at the odd blue gnome things wearing puffy white hats and no shirts.

"How about mugs of fun (http://www.orientaltrading.com/otcweb/application?namespace=browse&origin=categoryDisplay.jsp&event=link.itemDetails&sku=46/626&mode=Browsing&catDestinationJSP=/browse/categoryForward.jsp?categoryId=375302). Just hooks, no eyepatches. Pirates lose body parts a lot."

"Ooo, those are cute. We're going to need a treasure chest, too."

"Definitely. A pirate has to have a place to stash her booty." Hush, booty doesn't mean that in the 40s.

He glanced back at Blackadder and moved again. He was liking that man less and less every time he came in.

Nadia leaned down to look at something on the lower shelves.

"And look, bootie!"

Really, you'd almost start to suspect she was doing it on purpose.

Meep! If he hadn't been so distracted with trying to distract himself, he might have wanted to accuse her of doing that on purpose. Instead, his eyes were fastened firmly on a roll of gift wrap (http://www.mcphee.com/items/11478.html) which happened to be on a shelf above bootie/booty level.

"Perfect." She could have shown him a new color of lipstick she thought would look flattering on him and he would have had the same response at that moment.

~~a nice, dark red~~

Nadia snapped back to standing, holding the booty, in a way that would make one of the future teachers at the school very proud.

"What else do we need? Decorations, right?"

Bend... and snap!

Bwuh?

Walter blinked. "Decorations. Right. Um... balloons (http://www.sillyjokes.co.uk/party/balloons/small-packets/pirate.html)?"

"Sounds good. There isn't a lot of space up on the roof to hang things, or I'd recommend streamers or something, too. Do they have any lanterns?"

"Hm..." Walter looked around and shook his head. "No, I don't see any. But here. You might need this (http://www.deadmentellnotales.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/butbs.jpg)."

Nadia raised her eyebrow, a small smile on her face.

"Why would I need that? I don't mind sharing."

"I didn't think pirates other than Pippi did. That's why there are dead pirates buried with treasure chests, right?" Oblivious to double entendres, our boy is.

"Well, some people want all the booty to themselves."

"Yeah. I think Pippi would say something like, 'duh, pirate.'"

Why did the apron make such a difference? Would she smack him if he asked her to change into her bathing suit? Did she have her bathing suit?

Her bathing suit had included shorts.

"Probably." Nadia popped up on her tip toes to look for Blackadder. "Do we have enough booty?"

And her wet in a pool... bad thoughts!

"Yes. I think we do. Just give me one moment. I need to pick something up."

He walked off to the clothing section, hoping she wouldn't follow him while he hunted for some boxer shorts (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0009SM7W2/qid=1146872434/sr=8-2/ref=sr_1_2/102-7971963-6395353?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance&n=1036592). ~~Hey, it's a theme~~. Just in case.

Nadia gathered up the booty and decorations and headed over to the sales counter to wait for Walter.

"Hi, Mr. Blackadder!"

Today, I love this town.

"Good afternoon." He raised an eyebrow, did a discrete bit of ogling and began to ring up the purchases. "Is this a new fashion craze I should be stocking the store for?"

Not discrete enough. That would be Walter scowling a little as he joined Nadia at the register. Which was stupid since she was more than capable of handling the man.

"I guess that depends on how much of a trend setter I am." Nadia grinned. "I think it's a cute look. What do you think?"

Hm. Walter was kind of cute when he got all protective.

Edmund smirked at the scowling boy and drawled, "That depends. On you? Superlative. On most others? A call to resurrect the iron maiden."

Walter slapped the boxer shorts and gift wrap down on the counter and reminded himself that Nadia was not his girlfriend, that she was more than capable of taking care of herself, and that public displays of ~~jealousy~~ pique were not things Alfred would approve.

So he settled for eying Blackadder in a less than friendly manner.

Nadia, on the other hand, had learned at a young age to take full advantage of any assets she might have at her disposal when dealing with businessmen. She leaned forward on the sales counter, giving Blackadder what was probably a very good view indeed.

If Walter was paying, then she was going to do her level best to get him a discount.

"You're sweet. How much do we owe you?"

She pressed one finger to her lower lip.

Edmund was quite smart enough to know he was being manipulated. He was also quite willing to draw it out as long as possible, since the view was... memorable.

"Let me see... is it International Pirate Day, by any chance?"

"It's Cinco de Mayo, of course." Nadia was banking on Blackadder not knowing what that was, and on him possibly being too proud to admit it. She put all her weight on her right leg, causing her right hip to thrust out and up.

There was no way Nadia was doing that accidentally. So there was a reason. Which probably had to do with Blackadder. And ewww... it didn't have to do with Blackadder that way.

So Walter shut up and watched her vamp.

"Ah, yes. And Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of piracy. Of course." He leaned closer to Nadia. "Which would put me within my rights to celebrate piracy by adding 10% to all of my prices. Pirate tax."

Nadia leaned closer back, raising an eyebrow. "Actually, it's the celebration of Mexican Independance and has nothing to do with Pirates. Pirate day isn't until November, so you'll have no call to sell much pirate things until then. But I'm sure a very clever man like you knew that. You were just trying to . . . take advantage . . ." She let her finger run down her jaw to the neckline of her apron. ". . . of silly little me."

Walter? Transfixed.

Guys didn't know these tricks. They should.

"If I were, it seems I have fallen short." He was being played, played, played, and he rather liked it.

"However, I think you will find your total to be reasonable." Which it was.

Walter didn't have the assets for this trick. Well, not right now, anyway.

"Hmmm," hummed Nadia in a throaty tone. "Very reasonable. You'll just have to try a little . . . harder next time." She oh-so-slowly stood back up, giving Blackadder a smile. "Thanks."

Walter stepped in to wave a couple of bills in front of Blackadder's face. If the man would just pop his eyes back in his head...

Edmund looked away from the girl to the money. Girl. Money. Girl. Money.

The girl was taunting him, the money? At least one of the two would be his.

All and Sundries, 5/5

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