fandomtownies | All and Sundries, 6/24

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All and Sundries, 6/24

There was an argument going on in the store. The argument was about a siding sample and whether Baldrick would be allowed to keep it.

It might have actually looked like a game of hide and seek as Edmund chased his scurrying dogsbody around the shop.

Who knew where Baldrick might pop up?

All and Sundries is open.

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Artie strolled into the store, intent on seeing if the proprieter was in, today, to perhaps make a sale.

"Good afternoon, sir!"

There was a rustling noise and a running figure darted by at the far end of an aisle.

Edmund poked his head around the near end of a different aisle and rolled his eyes when he saw who was there. "What do you want?"

"Mr. Blackadder, I presume? I wonder if I might have a moment of your time to discuss a business proposition?"

"You presume?" Maybe someone had finally hit Artie over the head.

"What sort of business proposition? You want to open Nutters R Us? Or perhaps Loon for a Day? Insane Eye for the Sane Guy?"

Yes, Edmund had discovered cable television. It wasn't like he got out much.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a potential partnership. Your store does in deed have almost all there is to sell, but I can't help but notice a lack of quality siding. I happen to have a great deal of self-installable aluminum siding for sale, which I would be willing to offer at a very reasonable wholesale discount."

"Aluminum..."

scritch scritch scritch scritch

"You gave Baldrick that sample?"

"Yes, I did! Tell me, how well is that sample holding up? Our siding is nigh indestructable!"

"I think you should spend the afternoon here with Baldrick and see for yourself," Edmund said coldly.

"I might be willing to speak with you about your aluminum siding if you were to do so."

"Hmmm, it is very important to spend time with customers. . . . even repulsive ones like your friend there." As Artie pondered, Mortimer, his buggy companion, fluttered about urgently. Mortimer knew something was wrong with his friend and tried to get his attention. "Goodness! It seems you have an insect problem. Well, we'll see about that,"

Artie swatted at Mortimer with his briefcase, sending the poor beetle careening into a display of radishes.

Edmund made a face at the insect in his produce. "Baldrick! Bring your siding and get this insect out of here."

Baldrick appeared and looked around for the source of the problem. He was clutching his now-filthy piece of siding possessively. "Yes, Mr. Blackadder?"

The beetle flapped a few more times before it went sputtering to the ground.

Artie stared at it for a long moment, confused. "M-mortimer?"

Baldrick clutched his siding closer and looked confused.

Edmund sighed and approached the beetle. "Can neither of you be trusted to deal with a simple insect problem?"

"Mortimer," Artie said again, this time with a bit more conviction.

"No, that's a beetle. All it takes is a shoe and a broom to deal with it properly."

"Beetle? Shoe?" Artie jumped, then struck a pose. "Nay, Shop Keeper! I will not let you harm Mortimer!"

Edmund stopped and blinked at Artie, who was suddenly behaving quite differently, but more familiarly.

"You're the one who hit it to start with," he reminded the superhero.

"I? But I would never . . ." He paused, seeming to listen to the poor beetle. "But . . . Mortimer. . . ." He frowned. "No, Mortimer, it is I! Artie! Don't you remember?!"

Grand. "If you are quite finished. Are you going to spend the day here with Baldrick and your aluminum siding, or are you going to dispose of the vermin?"

Interpretation is open to just which vermin Edmund means.

"Spend the day with Baldrick? Capital idea! We haven't had an adventure in quite some time!" Artie paused, again looking at Mortimer. "No, you remember Baldrick! You don't?"

Tragedy! Mortimer had amnesia!

Baldrick perked up. Mr. Blackadder was going to encourage him to have a good day? Oh joy of joys. Next there would be a rain of turnips and aluminum siding from the sky!

Edmund did not facepalm. He was just rubbing his forehead. Really.

"Don't worry, Mortimer! I will help you get your memory back!"

"Will that be cash or charge?" Edmund asked wearily.

"Cash or charge for what?"

"His memory, of course."

"You've stolen it?!"

"Of course not, I'm a legitimate businessman."

"Then how could you get it back?"

"Through diligent research. The sort of research only money can buy."

"But all Clark needed was to get hit by a golfball."

"But your little... friend... there would be rather flattened by a golf ball, would he not?"

"Then I will find another way."

"Good luck with that, and," he made a sudden lunge for Baldrick's siding sample, "good day!"

"And a pipe day to you as well, Shop Keeper!"

"Don't forget your briefcase!" The last thing Edmund wanted was more siding samples for Baldrick to get... close to.

But, alas, Artie was not listening as he headed out, chatting with Mortimer.

Veronica headed in to town after detention to pick up some snacks for tomorrow night and get a copy of her room key made for Cally.

Baldrick was in charge at the moment. "In charge" being loosely interpreted by a man in love with an aluminum siding sample.

scritch scritch scritch scritch

Veronica blinked. "Um, excuse me," she said. "I need a copy of this key."

Baldrick came closer to take the key from her. "Oh! Mr. Blackadder showed me how to do this!" He offered her the siding in trade. "Can you hold this for me, miss?"

Trying desperately not to breathe through her nose, Veronica took the piece of siding and handed him the key.

Fortunately for all involved, the key machine was the new style that required nothing more complicated than selecting the right blank and sticking the blank and the original into slots in the machine and pushing a button.

Baldrick looked amazingly proud of himself when he handed her both keys after the machine finished its work, though.

"Will there be anything else, miss?"

Veronica handed him back the aluminum siding and quickly stepped as far away as she could. "Yeah, I need some groceries. I'll be back."

scritch scritch scritch scritch

Veronica picked up a bunch of graham crackers, chocolate bars and marshmellows for s'mores. She also grabbed some other assorted snacks and finally made her way up to the front to pay.

Baldrick looked everything over, did some mental calculations that involved looking at his fingers and down at his feet where one might imagine he was mentally counting toes through his shoes and proudly announced, "Eighty-seven cents!"

"Okay," Veronica said, pulling out her wallet and handing him a dollar bill. She felt vaguely guilty because she knew her items were worth a lot more, but the owner left the guy in charge.

Baldrick considered making change and gave up, handing her back a quarter instead. "Thank you, miss. Please come again."

Okay, that was too much. Veronica set the quarter on the counter and picked up her bags. "You keep that. Thanks!"

"Thank you, miss!" Baldrick pocketed the quarter and began making plans for that turnip in the country he'd always wanted.

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All and Sundries, 6/24

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