The Fandom Comedy Festival, The Park, Friday afternoon

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

A stage was set up with a screen showing a brick wall behind it, just to give it a real comedy club atmosphere. There was a drum set off to the side with a blonde woman ready to drum rimshots where appropriate.

Drax stepped up to the microphone looking as pleasant as ever as he glanced at his notecards. That is, he looked like he would kill the stage if he could figure out how he could make it feel pain. "Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Fandom Comedy Festival. We have plenty of entertainment for you this afternoon to make sure that you laugh, chuckle, and guffaw... Guffaw? Who wrote this? Some of our students will be coming up here to show off their comedy stylings, and we'll be showing some other things that will make you smile." Drax was not smiling. "But just to start us off, here is a joke."

Drax glared at the notes. "I'm not going to tell a joke."

"TELL IT!" demanded a voice that sounded like a high pitched Jerry Seinfeld impersonator.

"No," Drax said. The voice didn't respond... yet.

[OOC: For the people who will be participating, please ping into the appropriate thread. People reacting, ping in under them. For reactions to the film clips, just go ahead and ping in. A certain thread is locked to myself, please.

Please wait for OCD.]

Comments

*rimshot*

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"First, let me thank our drummer, Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, for her time. She will be providing rimshots to jokes that deserve them. Or, if someone is terrible, she has my permission to drum loudly to drown them out."

Re: *rimshot*

[scrabblecyborg.livejournal.com]

Hannelore helpfully gave a rimshot, looking warily around at everyone to see if anyone looked dirty or anything.

Film Clip: Charlie Chaplin

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"We start off with a film clip of Charlie Chaplin performing a table ballet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoKbDNY0Zwg)."

The brick wall on the screen disappeared and the clip appeared.

Re: Film Clip: Charlie Chaplin

[anextimeagent.livejournal.com]

Jack had really thought the movie was going to go somewhere completely different, and he was maybe a tiny bit disappointed when it didn't, but he ended up chuckling to himself.

And deciding that Charlie Chaplin was kinda hot.

Musical Performance: Robin

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"Our first performer this afternoon will be a small frog named Robin. He will be performing a comedic song called 'If I Only Were a Goth.'"

Re: Musical Performance: Robin

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

On the stage was a full length mirror, a changing screen, and a trunk. As the music started, Robin came on stage in a weetiny bathrobe. Song is to the tune of If I Only Had a Brain, and is by the band Thou Shalt Not

"I'd be thinner, I'd be taller
Go clubbing in my collar
With skin pale as a moth"

He opened the trunk and began rummaging through it. pulling out a bundle, he turned towards the screen.

"Dressed in black, I'd go creepin'
While the normal folk are sleepin'
If I only were a Goth"

He hopped out, dressed in a sailor suit, the kind little kids wear. He facepalmed in the mirror then rummaged through the trunk again.

"With my hair up, I'd look fancy
Like Siouxsie and the Banshees
With silk or velvet cloth"

Back behind the screen with a new bundle.

"Dressed in boots, never sandals
And the room would be lit with candles
If I only were a Goth"

Again he hopped out, this time dressed in blue jeans and a flannel, with a fake beard. He looked in the mirror and groaned.

"Yes I'd wanna die
From the bottom of my heart impure"

Back to the trunk, then back behind the screen.

"Would I like another clove? Well, sure
And after that, we'll go listen to The Cure"

This time he was wearing glasses and a white polo with a pastel sweater tied like a shawl over his shoulders. "Aw man."

"In my casket purse I'm toutin'
Einsturzende Neubauten
And pagan hymns to Thoth"

After more rummaging and changing,

"Yes the world would be depressing
Over death I'd be obsessing"

School boy Harry Potter uniform with a tie. Close, but no cigar yet.

"With my diet I'd get scurvy
And I'd worship Peter Murphy
If I only were a Goth"

He dives behind the screen, and as the music builds, he finally emerges in the costume he got from Abby's class, weetiny black fishnet shirt and ankh, eyeliner (applied as quickly as only a Muppet can), black mohawk, and weetiny trenchcoat and boots.

He finished the song with a flourish and a deep, melancholy bow. And a bounce. Because his Goth teacher was perky.

Re: Musical Performance: Robin

[death-of-hope.livejournal.com]

Anemone clapped enthusiastically. Yay for sweet-Robin!

Film Clip: Buster Keaton

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"Now another film clip. This time, a musical montage of Buster Keaton (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8XfCvXoN_s&mode=related&search=) performing various acts of physical comedy."

Re: Film Clip: Buster Keaton

[girlzippo.livejournal.com]

Charlie was giggling and wincing her way through this clip, because wow, did some of that look painful.

Re: Film Clip: Buster Keaton

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"This guy is a master of physical comedy," John commented, having moved near Charlie at some point during the clip. "I just hope he had good insurance."

Re: Film Clip: Buster Keaton

[girlzippo.livejournal.com]

"And paramedics on speed-dial. And hey! Yay, you're human again!" Charlie beamed at John and said, "You were cute as a bunny but I like you better this way."

Comedy Magic: GOB Bluth

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"Or next performer will be local businessman, GOB Bluth, performing hilarious magic tricks. I'm sure we'll all be amazed."

Re: Comedy Magic: GOB Bluth

[bluth-illusions.livejournal.com]

GOB walked out to his normal music, The Final Countdown. "Comedy?" he asked. "This isn't comedy. This is ILLUSION!" With that, he threw his arms out to the side, smoke bursting from both sleeves, and a dove flying out of either!

Well, one dove flew, made a sharp turn, and crashed into the screen. The other fell, dead.

This didn't stop GOB. He kicked the dead bird off the stage and threw off his suit jacket, only to drop another dove from the back.

He dropped to one knee and cupped his hands together, opening them and releasing a fireball... that landed on the bird who had just falled out of his jacket.

He stomped on the dead, burning bird to put the fire out. That's when Drax tackled GOB and dragged him off stage.

Film Clip: The Marx Brothers

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"And another film clip. The Marx Brothers perform 'Everyone Says I Love You (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgnVaolzxmM).'"

Comedic Monologue: William Kessler

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"And now we will listen to an abridged monologue. Reading an excerpt from The Daily Show Presents: America The Book, William Kessler."

Re: Comedic Monologue: William Kessler

[l1ttle-billy.livejournal.com]

There is a podium onstage, and Billy, wearing a suit and tie, approached it. He cleared his throat, and began to speak.

"The President of the United States, is the most powerful, most recognizable, and best person on Earth. If America is the world's policemen, the president is the gruff-but-lovable plice chief in charge of enforcing the law, from his comfortable perch above it.

"Once in office, the president becomes acutely aware that he is temporary steward of a permenant position. The 22nd Amendment means that the president has no more than 8 years, and possibly as little as one month to put his stamp on the office. Every day brings him closer to the time he will turn on the TV, to see someone else's face burned in effigy outside of a foreign embassy. The moment, as you can imagine, is bittersweet.

"But just what does the President do? Concieved as a an executive with limited power who needs the approval of congress to take a shit, the president however does have many important duties. For instance, he is the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces. The constitution keeps him from abusing this power, by making it impossible for him to declare war without the written consent of Congress. And if possible, Major League Baseball. It is a foolproof check on the president's power, as the only way to circumvent it, would be by citing 'proof' of an 'imminent threat' to convince congress to grant him broader power through an ambiguously worded resolution.

"Or if he called the war a 'police action'.

"Or if he didn't tell anyone.

"Though he is very powerful, the president cannot make laws. This is very important. The president can suggest laws. He can call individual congressmen and threaten, plead or cajole them to make laws. He can appeal directly to the people, or promise the congressmen that he will make them a delicious sandwich. He can hold his breath and pound his fists and threaten to run away. But the president, cannot make laws.

"The president can observe a vexing situation that seems to run counter to common sense, shake his head, and say aloud 'There oughta be a law,' but the president cannot make that law. The president cannot even write a law and submit it to congress with his name on it for extra credit. He needs someone in congress to submit it for him. All he can do is sit in his office and sign or veto laws that other people make. This sometimes makes the president feel like a pussy. Then he realizes he's the commander in chief of the armed forces, and some island country is about to get a can of 'police action' opened on them. This usually makes the president feel better.

"So there you have it. An abridged description of the office of the president. To learn more, look on the internet. I'm sure it's all true. Today's president is loved and hated the world over. Even the stupidest schoolchildren can name him, while the nerdiest can name all of them in less than 30 seconds. Presidents have been assasinated, lionized, impeached, mocked, shaved, and fellated. Like it or not, more so than any other figure in our nation, the president embodies America. And one day, you could be him."

With that he turned from the podium, but paused, and turned back to say;

"But not really."

Film Clip: Three Stooges

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"Another film clip. This time the Three Stooges teach the alphabet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8Pk1UYkB3I&mode=related&search=) without any violence. I find this disappointing but still entertaining."

Stand Up Comedy: Sokka

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"Rounding out our show with some stand up comedy is Sokka."

Re: Stand Up Comedy: Sokka

[sarcasm-guy.livejournal.com]

Sokka jogged out onto the stage, shouting "TELL THE JOKE!" at Drax, even though he hadn't been the one shouting before.

"Hey, folks! It's great to be... here... in Fandom... I just... flew in from Fandom..." He crumpled up an index card and threw it behind him. "Sheesh, that just doesn't work," he muttered. Then he looked back up at the audience, grinned sheepishly and tried to recover. "... BOY ARE MY ARMS TIRED!!!" *rimshot*

"Okay. That joke sucked. I've got better, I've got better. Because I? Am the man. Okay."

He pulled out a stack of more index cards, each with a joke on it. As he finished each joke, there was a rimshot and he tossed the card over his shoulder.

"So, where did the kitty cats go on a trip? Where did the cats go on a trip? The MEOW-seum! Get it?" *rimshot* *toss card*
"What falls down, but never gets hurt? Falls down, but never gets hurt? -- SNOW!!!" *rimshot*
"Okay, and do you know what kind of animal goes 'tick-tock, woof-woof'? You'll never guess. A WATCHDOG!!!" *rimshot* Sokka couldn't help chuckling at that one.
"And do you know where penguins keep their money? Do you? A SNOW BANK!!!" *rimshot*
"Okay, this is a good one: How do you make a witch itch? Do you know? How to make a witch itch? You take away her 'W'!!!" *rimshot*

"... And I'll leave you with my absolute favoritest joke: What -- this is a good one -- what is brown and sticky? What's brown and sticky? Give up? A STICK!!!" There wasn't any rimshot on that one, but Sokka was laughing himself silly.

"Thank you all, you've been a great audience! I LOVE YOU FANDOM!!! FREEBIRD!!!"

Sokka hopped around waving his hands, and then walked offstage.

Re: Stand Up Comedy: Sokka

[bookyeve.livejournal.com]

"Encore! ENCORE!!"

Like Evie was going to say anything else?

Finale: Drax and the April Fool

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

Drax stepped up to the microphone once more. "That is it for our show this afternoon. Go elsewhere and behave."

"TELL THE JOKE!" that voice from earlier yelled.

"Who is that?" Drax asked.

Re: Finale: Drax and the April Fool

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"It's me, the April Fool!" the voice said. Only it was now attached to the body of a fairy wearing traditional stand up comedian clothes (most specifically an ugly suit jacket), a jester's cap, and wings. "I've been here all week trying to make people laugh! Chickens and horses with long faces and knock knock jokes everywhere! But people aren't laughing! Why aren't they laughing???"

Re: Finale: Drax and the April Fool

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

"Because you're not funny," Drax told him. "Now leave before--"

A pie hit Drax in the face.

The Audience

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

Here for people who are just mingling. Mingle mingle mingle. It's a funny word.

OOC

[deandestroyer.livejournal.com]

Seriously, I love those old clips. THANK YOU, YOUTUBE!