Graveyard: Late Sunday Night

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

This is Mel.

This is Mel on patrol.

No, there aren't any vampires in Fandom. Or demons... Or at least no demons who are going to kill anyone on the island. Today.

Nevertheless Mel continues to patrol. It's a slayer thing.

Now if she could only get rid of the guy with a deathwish.

[For one person who knows who he is but always open for those who stalk graveyards]

Comments

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I really should start a vampire den around here," Jim said. "Or nest. You know these things, is it a den or a nest?"

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"You would know if you were an actual vampire," Mel grumbled.

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"Not really. I haven't interacted much with vampire culture. How am I supposed to know these things without somebody to help me out?" Jim asked. "Do you think there are self-help books?"

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"Not the kind you want but definitely the kind you need," Mel replied. "Seriously. Don't you have anything better to do?"

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I should probably be buying 'The Dummy's Guide to Vampirism' on Amazon or something, but I'm not sure that would be better," Jim said. "I mean, I haven't spent nearly enough time with my arch-nemesis recently. That comes first."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"I am not your arch-nemesis!" Mel retorted. "How am I your arch-nemesis? You're supposed to be a pacifist vampire. Or something."

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I may be a pacifist but I'm still the only vampire around for now," Jim said. "And any monster slayer person needs an arch-nemesis to fight. That's just the way these things go. So by default, that's me."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"So what? I'm supposed to beat you senseless and you're not going to fight back?" Mel asked.

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"No, you just have to thwart my fiendish, nonviolent plans," Jim said.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"If they are non-violent, why should I fight them?"

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"Becausse they're just that fiendish," Jim said.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"Really. Fiendish. Would one of them be hassling me?"

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"See? That's what makes you such a great arch-nemesis. You've already discovered one of my plans," Jim said.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"Can we just say I've defeated you then?" Mel pleaded.

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"Nope," Jim said. "And this kind of persistance is what makes me a great arch-nemesis for you."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"Jim. We seriously need to find you a girlfriend," Mel grumbled. "And not the inflatable one you had at that dance."

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I have bad first dates. I think the bloodsucking scares them off," Jim said. "And that girl from the dance was very nice! Kind of an airhead, but that's not her fault."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"You don't suck blood. You're not a vampire. What's it going to take to get you off this thing, Halpert?" Mel asked wearily.

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"If you dress like a mime for a day, I'll give up vampirism entirely," Jim said. "And you'd have to act like a mime, too. No talking, pretending to be trapped in a box... The whole nine yards."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

Mel just stared at Jim.

For a long time.

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"See? I'm a great arch-nemesis. So, what do you say?" Jim asked.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"I hate you. Shut up."

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

Jim laughed a little. "I think we both know that's not going to happen."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"An entire day? Like from when I wake up until the end?"

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"Yep," Jim said. "And it can't be a day where you sleep until three in the afternoon or anything. You have to be out and about."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

Mel glared at Jim. "Seriously. You need a girlfriend."

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"I agree. But I don't have one. You should be able to buy the white greasepaint at Turtle's store," Jim said.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

Another glare.

"You are so dead, Halpert."

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"Undead, technically," Jim corrected.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

Mel let out a scream of frustration.

And then glared again.

"Stop it."

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"Not until the mime thing happens," Jim said.

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

"I could just stake you now and not have to be a mime," Mel warned.

[fat-halpert.livejournal.com]

"But you won't," Jim said with confidence. "You'll miss me too much."

[cantjossme.livejournal.com]

There was a lot of grumbling on Mel's part.

Followed by more comments by Jim.

And then more grumbling.

And thus the cycle of patrol continued throughout the evening.

Jim was not staked.

Mel may regret not doing that.