The Park, Sunday Morning

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Nana was having one of those days. But Jeff didn't mind. Not today. No, not even as she dragged him off the beaten path somewhere into the brush, where he managed to acquire several slashes in his favorite shirt. It had been a good week.

After all, everyone else had had their nemesises, but even after three days of cowering in his room, nothing had appeared to make his life miserable.

So Jeff? Jeff was whistling. Even after the branch hit him in the face.

[ jeff's not-expecting one particular person, but open for your parkly needs ]

Comments

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"Oh, Jeffrey," her voice was so disappointed as she stepped out of the brush behind him. Had the boy noticed the branch smacking him?

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

...

Jeff froze up completely.

Literally. He couldn't move. His feet were stuck in the mud. Oh god, was that an airplane?! "...mother." He didn't even turn around.

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"At the very least turn around when you greet your mother," she chastised, tsking at his lack of manners.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"...Sorry," he stammered. He turned around. It looked a lot like he was trying to do the robot. "...I didn't do anything!"

The branch stuck to his hair.

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"A likely story, Jeffrey," she crossed her arms, waiting. "Have you been out trying to put your revolting tongue in girls again?!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

His fingers contracted. His eyes went big. Think, Jeffrey! Think! "Only for dental emergencies!" Jeff squeaked, sweating buckets, his legs trembling. Oh god. Oh god.

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"Oh Jeffrey," she nearly spat the words in her disgust. "Who is this hussy with 'dental emergencies'?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

His girlfriend wasn't a hussy. He didn't need to answer that at all! Jeff knew no hussies. Say that, Jeffrey! Grow a backbone! Stand up to her! That's what your girlfriend would do!

He took a deep breath, and puffed up his chest. His hands unclenched. His head tilted proudly upwards.

"Turtle," he said.

And paused.

And kept pausing.

So much for that.

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

Oh lovely, her son was kissing a reptile. Mrs. Murdock's face contorted in horror. "Filthy boy! I did not raise you to participate in bestiality!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"What? No! Not an actual turtle! She's a real person-- y. Turtle!" Jeff flailed, his expression contorting to suit it. "There's no bestiality here! Just Turtles!"

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"Tell me about this Turtle whore. Has she taken your virtue and flushed it down the loo?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"You met her last year!"

Okay, maybe the wrong thing to say.

"...She hasn't flushed me anywhere! I am thoroughly unflushed! I can't even go to the bathroom, I'm that unflushed!"

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"I did nothing of the sort!" She screeched at her obviously insane son. "Are you ill, Jeffrey?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I HAD A COLD IN JUNE!" he blurted, for lack of a better answer, "AND I MIGHT HAVE EATEN A BAD SAUSAGE THIS MORNING!"

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"Who fed my son bad sausage? Was it that harlot?" She would pay, oh yes she would.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"No, no harlots!" he squeaked. Was he naked? It felt like he was naked. "Th-- the cafetaria!"

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"And I am to assume your harlot didn't accompany you to this cafeteria and assist you in selecting poor quality meats!" It was more her tone than her words that were terrifying.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff did the human thing. He... wibbled.

In the process, he let go of Nana's leash; she happily pranced off. "...no," he manage, "...she was campaigning."

[oh-jeffrey.livejournal.com]

"Campaigning and not paying attention to my Jeffrey as he consumed poisoned meats?" Mrs. Murdock was outraged on her son's behalf. "Why that little trollop!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"SHE'S NOT A TROLLOP!" He sounded as if he was crying.

He probably was.