J, GoB - Saturday Morning

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

Vala wasn't sure what she was going to do. She trusted the technology of this universe, up to a point. Unfortunately, that point was right in front of her, telling her what she didn't want to hear.

How could she have been so stupid?

Barney was the mark. She knew he was the mark. But she'd taken her eye off the prize, and now she wasn't going to be able to just take off with all of his lovely, shiny money and set up shop in some other galaxy.

Oh, no. First she had to give birth to his baby.

Well, not his baby, but even she wasn't irresponsible enough to leave a child alone with Biff.

[ooc: Open to everyone, and particularly to the baby daddies.]

Comments

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

Vala squeezed his hands in hers and met his eyes, blinking away ready-made tears. "Not like this, dearheart. You--you're--I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Barney stared.

Blink.

More staring.

"But sweetums, that's impossible." The words were out of his mouth before he realized the implications.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"What? Of course it's not! With a lover as virile as you, I'm only surprised it hasn't happened sooner!"

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"But..." Barney didn't know how to tell her.

"The doctors said I could never father a child, not after that accident in my college days. Remember? I told you all about that." It was the cover story for the truth that must be kept hidden or his new life would be gone in a flash.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"Doctors are wrong all the time, sweetheart. Think of this as a wonderful gift. A miracle."

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"No, Vala dear, you don't understand," Barney tried. "I really can't have children..." He paused.

"You dirty tramp."

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"What?" She stared at him, completely aghast. He couldn't know, could he? No, of course not. "How can you call me that? I'm going to be the mother of your--of your--" Vala sniffled. "Your child. I thought you'd be h-happy."

She burst into tears.

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Normally Barney would turn and take her in his arms, soothing her tears and telling her not to cry.

Today was different. "How can I be happy? I'm engaged to a lying slut! Who have you been screwing? Huh? Biff?" Barney had always thought those looks between his best friend and the love of his life were too familiar, too special to be anything less than the looks of lovers. "Dammit, Vala, I need to know!"

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

No, didn't, and damn, she was really losing her touch if someone like Barney figured her out that easily.

"But there's been no one but yooooooou," she sobbed into a tissue.

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"That would be a little more believable if I didn't know for a fact that I could never have children except for adoption," and any that might be waiting in the wings from his childhood.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"Why not?" She'd never believed that college accident story.

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Barney looked around hoping there was no one lurking to overhear. "Remember how I told you I have a sister, Barbie Stinson? And showed you all those pictures of Barbie growing up? Ever wonder why there were no pictures of me and Barbie?"

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

She'd never really given it a ton of thought, no. "I figured you were the one holding the camera."

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

She wasn't understanding. He needed to just say it. The truth would set him free and she'd know and hey, maybe her whoring spawn didn't have to be the end. She would understand, right?

"No, Vala, the truth is, I am Barbie Stinson." The overhead music in the pastry shop swelled with the revelation.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

Vala stared at him. "You're a woman???? How could you not tell me? I'll never be able to trust you again!"

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Dammit, of course things wouldn't be okay. "Because I knew you'd react badly! Besides, it's proof you've been cheating!" Remember, she was the dirty whore, not him. At least, that she knew of.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, but if he'd told her the truth in the first place...

"You're the liar here, not me! I--I..." Vala sniffled as she tried to think. "I loved you, and it's only because I knew that you were hiding something from me that I had to turn to someone else!"

Or not.

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

This was not the morning he'd expected at all.

"Whose baby is it, Vala? I demand to know who I can't trust!"

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"You can't trust yourself, and neither can I!" She cried, voice rising.

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"Oh yeah? Consider the wedding off!" Barney's voice raised to match Vala's.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"As if I wanted to marry you anyway!" She got to her feet, holding her mug of lukewarm tea.

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

Barney stood. "Don't get up, I wouldn't want you to jostle Biff's baby! Good day, ma'am!" He turned on his heel.

[spacepiratevala.livejournal.com]

"The best one in months," she shouted after him, "Since I won't have to spend the night in bed with you!"