fandomtownies | Caritas - Friday evening [Open]

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Caritas - Friday evening [Open]

"Why are you dressed like that?" Jolee asked Tino when he got to the bar tonight.

Tino was wearing green clothes and pointy ears. He was holding up a red and white outfit for Jolee. "No," Jolee said. "I'm not wearing that."

Tino gave a pleading look.

"Fine. But this evens everything between us. None of this, 'Oh, old man Bindo is so mean' stuff you make me put up with. Deal?" Jolee asked.

Tino agreed. And then he led Jolee up to the stage where he would have to listen to people tell him what they want for their seasonal holiday festivities.

The zombies were dressed like reindeer, of course.

[OOC: I don't know. There's a chair by Jolee's Santa chair. Sit in that if you want to tell Bindo Claus what you want. Sit on his knee and get thrown out.]

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Ho ho ho! Visit Bindo Claus and tell him what you want for seasonal festivities!

There's still room on the stage if anyone wants to sing seasonal festivity songs.

"I be knowin' what this be!" Barbossa exclaimed, weaving his way on stage. "Ye be Santa Jolee Bindo Claus!"

"Yeah yeah yeah. What do you want?" Jolee asked. He saw Tino frown. "... for whatever winter festival you celebrate?"

"I be celebratin' th' one that be gettin' me free things," Barbossa said spiritually. "'n I be tired o' gettin' soaps 'n deorderant 'n other things I be havin' naught a use fer."

"When people give you those, they're probably actually trying to give a gift to the people around you," Jolee said. "The gift of you smelling better."

"I be preferrin' the gifts be for me," Barbossa said pointedly. "I be not carin' about those around me."

No kidding.

"No kidding," Jolee said, agreeing with the narrative, although he didn't know that, of course.

"So what do you want?"

"I be havin' a list," Barbossa said, holding out a very thick scroll which he'd been carrying around for the last, oh, fifteen years.

"I be tellin' ye th' highlights," he said. "I be wantin' a ship 'n crew that be competent but not terribly bright, 'n rum."

"I can have Tino get you an egg nog with rum in it," Jolee said.

"That'd be most obligin'," Barbossa said. "'n the ship?"

"You'll see on Christmas Day," Jolee said. "And you have to pay for the drink."

"...that be less obligin'."

"I never said I was giving you anything. Get your drink and pay the man at the bar," Jolee said.

Barbossa sighed heavily and tromped over to the bar.

"Look, Max," Sam said, adjusting his hat. "The local watering-hole, filled with colorful characters, hard liquor, and a zombie rock band in an advanced state of decomposition."

"Awwww, it's just like home!" Max exclaimed. "Except for how it's different in almost every conceivable way!"

"The zombies are a nice touch," Sam decided. "You know, I've never met the fellow, but I'm almost convinced that's not actually Santa Claus."

"SANTA!!!"

Max catapulted himself forward at Jolee's lap. He started reciting his list while still airborne. "I wanna bicycle, and an AK-47, and my very own religion, and a trip to the moon, and a My Pretty Pony waterfall playset, and a..."

Jolee held a hand up to block the leap with the Force. It was a handy thing to be able to use. "Sit in the chair if you're going to rattle off gifts."

Max didn't seem to notice that he'd bounced off the air and fallen on his butt. He just looked up at Jolee with a beatific smile and continued his chatter. "...and a third-world nation, and a transforming robot action figure, and a rotten monkey corpse loaded with an as-yet-unknown virulent plague, and a choo-choo-train, and a swimming pool, and a SANTA CLAUS WITHOUT TELEKINETIC POWERS!!!"

Oh, wait, he HAD noticed. And stood up and pulled a gun on Jolee.

Edited 2008-12-13 03:06 (UTC)

"Ooh, I'm scared," Jolee deadpanned. "I suppose I have to give you all the animal corpses you ask for. Come on, do you think that's really going to work here?"

Jolee was fairly certain that Max didn't know about the Sanctuary Spell. Any attack and he'd be teleported out of the club.

"Max," Sam said with a bit of a huff. "Put the gun down. If you kill Santa Claus, then neither of us are getting any presents this year. Besides, you already have robot action figures. All those Maimtrons that Congress keeps trying to abolish."

Edited 2008-12-13 03:11 (UTC)

"Those aren't action figures," Max insisted. "They're battle robots! There's a difference!" He waved the gun at Jolee in a vaguely threatening manner. "Why isn't it going to work here?" he demanded. "Are you going to stop me with your TELEKINETIC POWERS?"

"You really think you can threaten Santa Claus and win?" Jolee asked. "Go ahead. Take a free shot. I promise I won't block it. And Santa Claus wouldn't lie about that, would he?"

"He might," Sam offered. "It might be that Santa's an immortal, pagan god, and shooting him counts as a first strike. His retaliation would be swift and merciless. At the minimum, you're sealing your fate vis-a-vis coal."

Confused, Max scratched his forehead with the barrel of his Luger. (No, of course he hadn't put the safety on.) "But I thought you said this WASN'T Santa?" he asked. "It doesn't matter anyway. It's no fun shooting someone who WANTS to be shot."

"That's what I'm here for," Jolee said. "Ruining fun."

"Celine" came onstage in a surprise performance after her show in the park. The powdered sugar was mysteriously absent from her person.

Waving to the crowd, she waited for her cue before bursting out in a cheerfully festive little ditty, shredding her vocal cords the whole way.

"Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero año y felicidad.

Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero año y felicidad.

I wanna wish you a merry christmas
I wanna wish you a merry christmas
I wanna wish you a merry christmas
From the bottom of my heart.

We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
From the bottom of our heart.

We're just getting hot.

Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero año y felicidad.

Come on you can sing with me.

Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero año y felicidad.

Ok, let's do it.

We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
From the bottom of our heart.

We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
From the bottom of our heart.

From the bottom of my heart.

Ça sent bon m'man!

Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero año y felicidad.

Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Feliz navidad
Prospero año y felicidad.

We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
From the bottom of our heart.

We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
We wanna wish you a merry christmas
From the bottom of our heart.

From the bottom of my heart.
From the bottom of my heart.
We wanna wish you
From our hearts.
The bells of the village"

Jaina didn't even speak Spanish. She had no idea what the hell she just sang.

"Either you've had too much to drink or I need to start drinking. I don't know which yet," Jolee said.

"Celine" laughed pleasantly. "You're so jolly," she said, and went to sit on Santa's lap for the next song. "For my next number, I would like to slow things down a bit."

Jolee raised his hand, lifting Jaina off his lap. Then he used the Force to float her towards the door. "I don't know what's going on with you, but I'll talk to you when you're not inclined to sit on my lap."

Even while floating towards the door, "Celine" looked perfectly composed, like it was all part of the show. And she sang.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...."

"Play Freebird!" Sam called, holding up his lighter.

Someone had to.

Tino the Elf is serving egg nog. Nothing but egg nog. And egg nog with other stuff in it if you want that.

That snowman in that booth? That's actually Zombie Yoko. Say hi!

Look, I've been inhaling glue, paint, and other glue fumes at work for two weeks. This is the result.

May we kill Zombie Yoko for breaking up the band?

No, for the band is still together. They are reindeer!

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Caritas - Friday evening [Open]

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