fandomtownies | The Perk, Saturday Morning

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The Perk, Saturday Morning

Jennifer had seated herself in a corner booth after getting herself a cup of hazelnut coffee. She sipped carefully and quietly, trying to focus on the coffee and not the events of last weekend.

She was reasonably succeeding. Baby steps in dealing were happening. Baby steps.

[ooc: Jen is (unknowingly) mainly there for one, but open for any coffee needs and Jen (for visits that come chronologically before her visitor]

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Zack was a puppy on a mission, today. And it was a fairly simple enough one. Jen hadn't been in her room, and so she had to be somewhere else.

They needed to talk.

It had taken him the better part of an hour, checking each business in town door-to-door before he'd finally hit paydirt. And now that he'd finally located Jen, he was going to... Stand there. Awkwardly. And take a deep breath or three.

And then quietly make his way toward her table, his head bowed and his eyes on the floor.

"Hey."

Jen couldn't stop herself from flinching when she heard the voice. What she also couldn't do was bring herself to look up to greet him.

"Hey Zack," she replied, her voice at least trying to pretend everything was okay. "Didn't think you'd need coffee."

"I don't, really," Zack replied, shrugging. "I get all twitchy and bouncy and excitable and anyhow, coffee kinda tastes like feet-" Relevant conversation, Zack? "-And I need to talk to you."

Jennifer set down her coffee down on the table, took a deep breath, and looked up at Zack.

"Yeah. So do I," she said. "Talk to you, I mean."

See, this eye contact thing was totally a step in the right direction, if Zack's desperate grasp for a silver lining at all given points in time had any say in the matter at all.

"About what happened," he pressed on, not about to stop now that they were on a roll. Of sorts. "And-" Now it was time for a slight derail. "Are you okay?

Only slight. It was still on topic, but knowing that Jen was okay here and now was more important than burying his guilt over something that hadn't entirely been him.

"Depends on your definition of okay," Jennifer said, failing at making light of this. "I'm getting better, though. Starting to sleep better."

"Sleeping's good," Zack mumbled, his gaze dropping to the floor while his stomach lurched a little. There was the guilt, coming back to pay him a visit.

It was a good thing that he hadn't eaten breakfast yet.

"I wish I could undo all of that," he admitted. "Just... get a big eraser and strike out the whole weekend, and then get as far from here as possible so that none of it could happen, and you'd be alright, and... All of it."

Which wasn't quite what he'd been trying to get at, either.

"I'm so, so sorry, Jen."

There. There it was.

Jennifer's lower lip trembled a bit, and she looked down at her coffee.

They both had their own guilt. And she knew that Zack was hurting too, she could tell. Her stomach lurched, and her eyes watered. She both wanted to blame him and felt terrible about wanting to blame him.

It wasn't Zack that had done those things, even if she'd spent the whole time reminding herself that it was Zack under all of it so she wouldn't hurt him.

That plan had kind of backfired on her.

"Thanks," she said, softly.

Zack stood there for a moment, like he was hoping for something that he knew he wasn't going to get. A thanks was more than he could expect.

Because it wasn't okay, and he knew it.

He nodded. He'd accept that, then. Thanks. Okay.

"Mind if I sit down?"

Jennifer shook her head. She quickly wiped her eyes and gave a weak smile. "Hey, coffee's always better with friends, right?"

She'd get around to forgiving eventually.

Just not today.

"Right," Zack murmured, pulling out a chair and taking a seat. Slowly. Carefully. No sudden movements. Nothing at all that suggested anything but sanity and humanity and see? It was just Zack, here. Not that... that thing from last weekend, at all.

And now that he was sitting down... He had no idea.

"Have you had a chance to talk to Alice, yet?"

She'd seemed about as broken up about this as he was. Only maybe for different reasons. Maybe not. It was hard to tell, with Alice.

Jennifer shook her head, slowly picking her cup back up. She then took a long sip, since she wasn't sure what else to say.

"So do you remember it like... a movie? Or was it like you actually did it all?"

Way to keep it casual, Jen.

Perhaps wisely, Zack knew better than to reply with, 'I know exactly what your blood tastes like and your heart sounds like and what your fear smells like.'

But not being able to say that meant that he was going to need a moment, to stare at the top of the table, to find words that were both honest, and not entirely terrifying.

"Like I did it," he settled on, wincing. That didn't make it any less frightening, no. "Like it was me, without really being me."

"I'm sorry," Jennifer said, trying to even comprehend that.

And even if she didn't quite feel it yet, she was going to offer it.

"I forgive you. As much as I can forgive you for something you didn't do."

There had been a lump forming somewhere in Zack's throat. He swallowed it. His breath kept threatening to hitch with every inhale. He held it. His heart in his chest seemed hell-bent on just stopping entirely.

He ignored it, and he looked up at her at that, as though he was trying to figure out what that forgiveness was. Actual, honest forgiveness? Or Jen, just going through the motions.

... Maybe, he decided, he ought to be thankful for the attempt, at least.

"Thank you," he replied, not because he believed for an instant that she really did forgive him, but because 'thank you' was the right thing to say to the words that she'd said, first. And then he found himself woodenly pushing himself to his feet again. Trying on one of those cardboard smiles of his. Now was typically when people would smile, too, after all. "More coffee?"

"More coffee," Jennifer replied. She had a feeling they were doing the dance of make-believe, where everything was okay on the false veneer.

But the false veneer was slightly comforting, at least for now.

And really, it was the first step towards dealing. "Thank you."

Zack nodded, and made his way up to the counter. Another of whatever she had for her, and an apple juice for himself. Because he totally walked on the wild side. Oh yeah.

He returned, setting Jen's coffee on the table and sitting himself down in the chair that he'd been in a moment before.

And proceeded to be very quiet, while feeling suddenly very awkward.

"Right. Maybe I should... Uh." Go? Or something?

Jennifer just nodded.

"Thanks for... checking in," she said, still very unsure of all of this.

"Right. Yeah. I mean... Of course."

Zack hesitated for a moment, and then, still holding on to his juice box, he pushed out of the chair, stood there for a moment, too, and then sighed, turned, and made his way for the door.

That probably could have gone better. Though he had no idea how.

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The Perk, Saturday Morning

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