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Cabot & Associates, Saturday

If anyone had warned Roy about what happened after prom, it had gotten lost in the general haze of 'omgwtf' that was about his first week here. So when he reported to work on Saturday, he had no idea anything was amiss. Yet. Give him time.

Cabot & Associates was open. Roy was playing Spider Solitaire.

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So.

Dinah had three children with her, ages four to seven, and at least the seven-year-old just thought of Roy as "Uncle Roy" from what she could work out.

The other two, well....

Before they could do anything too traumatic, Dinah felt the need to get her disclaimer in. "Roy? I swear I didn't do this. It just happens. After Prom."

Roy looked up from his game at... "Dinah. Where'd you get kids? Are you babysitting?"

"DADDY DADDY DADDY!" Lian shrieked, running around the desk to fling herself at her daddy.

Roy suddenly found himself with a lapful of small child. What?

"What?"

Dinah was keeping a good hold on Sean, who now echoed Lian. "Daddy!" And reached for him.

"...meet your future kids. Courtesy of Fandom and your possible future girlfriends." Or not. She gave Sean a look and tightened her grip on him. "Surprise?"

"What? I..." Roy examined Lian critically, or as critically as he could when she was basically trying to climb him, and beaming at him like that. She was cute, but... "What? Okay, give me a second." Weirder things had happened, right? He was sure they had. "These are...my kids?" The one in his lap he could buy, since she looked to have at least some Caucasian background. The redheaded boy, okay, sure. The second girl he was not so sure about.

All things considered, if these were kids you might possibly have or have had, Roy figured he was getting off pretty light with two.

"Just these two. Lian and Sean. I adopted Sin," Dinah said, carefully putting Sean down and letting him run to Roy since Roy wasn't freaking out. Yet. Sin wandered over and leaned against Dinah, then gave Roy a shy wave. "And Sin and Lian say they're cousins. Sort of."

Sean had glomped against Roy's leg and was now talking a mile a minute. "Daddy. Daddy! I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Leia and I have to ask her daddy first but then we're gonna go to the playground and have cookies and I saw Uncle Tony and we're gonna watch movies!"

"Yeah, you're definitely my kid," Roy said proudly, and then, after a moment of trying to pick out the important details there, "Uncle Tony? Who the f--who's Uncle Tony?"

"I dunno," Lian said oh-so-helpfully, "I haven't gots an Uncle Tony, I gots an Uncle Dick an' Uncle Gar an' Uncle Fishhead an' Uncle Connorrrrr but no Uncle Tony. Daddy Daddy I didn't mean to, I know I'm not s'posed to play near portals but it was an ACCIDENT don't be mad." She had to get that in ASAP.

"I have an Uncle Tony," Sin said, voice soft. "But he is not my mother's brother. He is Sister's very good friend." She looked up at Dinah and smiled wide. "We are going to watch Jackie Chan movies tonight and eat popcorn."

"Jackie Chan movies are good," Roy said, meaning, 'to make fun of.' Can we focus on what's important here? "Who's Uncle Tony?"

"...Um, my friend. Tony Foster. You've met him a few times, I know...?"

And yes, the obvious conclusions can probably be drawn from that.

Edited 2010-04-11 00:40 (UTC)

"Yeah," Roy said slowly. "I have."

His brain was refusing to make the connections that would allow the obvious conclusions, though.

"Mommy says she's known Uncle Tony forever and revor." Sean was trying to climb up next to Lian now. "Like you know Uncle Dick!" He grinned and said, "Can we go shooty things here?"

"Maybe when you're older," Roy said, the words apparently pulled from some deep universal well of parenting, since God knew it wasn't something anyone had ever said to him.

"...who's your mommy?" No, those neurons were still not going to fire. This was just outside of Roy's paradigm or whatever.

"My mommy's a bad guy," Lian put in. "But I love her anyway and that's okay 'cause she's still my mommy! I just need to run away if I see her outside of jail."

Dinah had been about to bite the bullet and claim the DNA donor spot for the other half of Sean, but that had her just staring. And blinking. "Holy wow. And you say I'm from crazy world."

Then again: Batman and Catwoman. Maybe it was a superhero guy thing?

Edited 2010-04-11 00:57 (UTC)

"Well, maybe she wasn't evil when we--" had sex was not a thing he could say in front of the kids, right-- "were together."

"YEAH she was," Lian put in unhelpfully.

Roy kind of wanted to facepalm and demand the whole story, but the kid was what? Five? Six? No way she had the whole story.

Sean was bouncing now, and said, "Why not with arrows? Can I have darts?" Since Daddy was being unhelpful, time to appeal to the other parent: "Mommy, tell Daddy I can have darts! Or boomerangs!"

"Maybe later, tomorrow, with a grown-up, Sean." Dinah bit her lip, and then carefully said, "But Daddy said no shooting so no shooting 'til you're older or you're back home. Okay?"

Her brain had classified Roy as Older Brother Type a while back, so this kind of hit several levels of Awkward without even trying.

And Dinah was the teeny version of the only mom-type Roy had ever had, so, you know, ahhhhh what? "Sean," Roy said slowly and carefully, as most of his attention was on not letting his brain break into pieces and keeping a lot of swear words from coming out of his mouth, "let's be clear here. Is that Mommy?" He pointed at Dinah.

Daddy was funny. "'Course it's Mommy!" Sean snickered into his hands, and thumped his head into Roy's chest as he lost his balance with laughing. "And you're Daddy. And I'm Sean Lance Harper and I'm four and you're just silly. Even sillier than Uncle Tony."

Ow. Ow, ow. Roy needed a moment and, he thought for a moment, some narcotics, but that was not a way he should be thinking. "How is that even--what?"

"You're asking me?" Dinah sighed and rubbed her face, wishing they could have this conversation somewhere else, but. Not so possible. "He's four, he has no idea. Mommy and Daddy have always been together as far as he knows." She blew out a breath. "I don't know, some other Dinah, some other Roy? There were two kids here last year who were mine, who aren't here this year. It's really, really random."

But kind of fun, too.

Sin was confused too. She tugged on Dinah's arm until she bent down, then whispered to her Sister, "You are not married to Uncle Roy! You are not married to anyone, and he has many girlfriends."

Heh. Dinah grinned and whispered back, "It's okay. We won't tell Sean. Somewhere it's real. Just... not where you are."

"Okay. Okay. It doesn't matter," Roy said, because he'd decided that was the best way to keep from hurting his brain with this. "They're still here and we still have to deal with them, right?"

"Yeeeah," Dinah admitted. "Last time they were here through Monday night. Then they all went home." She grimaced. "We can trade off?"

Sort of like Health Class, or Ethics, or ... well. No. Nothing like that, not really.

Roy looked down at his lapful of kids and said, faintly, "Yeah, we can do that."

Sean hugged his daddy, then slid off the chair. "Ice cream! We should get ice cream!"

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Cabot & Associates, Saturday

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