Serenity Cove, Friday Morning to Noon

[endsthegame]

Ender hadn't spent the night on the beach this time, but he'd gotten there early enough that the first sign of the day's weirdness popped up in the sand instead of his cabin. He gave the bag, an unremarkable and disused-looking brown one that read simply Third an idle look, and sat down in the sand to check the ropes on his raft.

When another one joined it a few minutes later, he did look up. Killed Stilson, it read, and Ender pursed his lips and pushed it over, so it laid face-down in the sand. He wasn't going to let the island rattle him.

But another one came, this time reading Abused by brother, and he had to tip it over too. It quickly became a ritual: baggage would appear and he'd push it over so it wouldn't get in his way, hiding the messages from him. He kept at it with each and every one, as his corner of the beach piled full of it.

By the time he tipped the last one, he was visibly shaking. Helped plan the Muslim-Chinese war, it read. He didn't want to think about it. Couldn't the island leave him alone--

No, of course it wouldn't. And none of things should leave him alone.

His eyes flickered with exhaustion, then understanding. He got up, and he turned every single piece over again, running his eyes over the letters before he shoved the more damning ones where only he could see them.

His hands were trembling a little when he tightened the ropes on his raft, but he ignored it.

[[ open either for running into Ender or your own beachly needs, sure, although I'll be SP intermittently ]]

Comments

[momslilassassin]

Ben's morning run had been a little more obstacle-filled than he normally preferred (and he hoped that no one could trace some of those bags back to him as being the source), but he hit the beach at his usual time and almost stumbled at the wave of emotions he felt.

"Ender?" he said softly, moving forward.

And neatly avoided the bag that read "OVERLY FOCUSED ON OTHERS' PAIN AS REPRESSION TECHNIQUE" as it fell.

[endsthegame]

Ender shut his eyes. Of course Ben would have to show up right now. He idly slid one piece of luggage out of the way and out of sight - the one that read RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LAST SURVIVOR OF THE SPECIES, and managed to make it look more than natural.

"Ben," he said, holding his voice steady.

[momslilassassin]

Ben has special skills when it came to finding Ender at just the wrong moment.

His eyes flicked to the pile of bags. "So it's not just me," he said, keeping his voice just as even. "Need company?"

Well, hello there, matching set of ABANDONMENT ISSUES bags. Lovely to see you.

[endsthegame]

"Not really," he said, running his fingers over the rope in his hands. "Do you?"

The EMOTIONAL CONTROL FREAK bag was somewhere hidden among the pile there.

[momslilassassin]

"If it's you, sure," Ben said. "Are you going to try to sail today?"

[endsthegame]

"I was thinking about it," Ender said, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. "But I figured dumping all of this baggage would be a strain on the environment."

[momslilassassin]

"Or might sink the raft," Ben said with an appraising glance at the pile Ender had accumulated.

And tipping the POT CALLING KETTLE BLACK bag neatly onto its side before he could read what it said.

[endsthegame]

"I was willing to take that risk."

While paying little attention to COMMITTED SUICIDE ONCE. That way just laid giving Ben a worse aneurysm, and Ender a headache to go with his jumbling, jumping and completely irrational emotions.

"But it's just an attack of Fandom whimsy. It'll go away tomorrow."

[momslilassassin]

"Or it could last the weekend," Ben said. "I might sleep out on the beach to avoid crushing my cabinmates."

As he'd been standing there, his baggage can been catching up with him. It was...quite a pile.

And still coming.

[endsthegame]

"Which side of the island?" Ender asked him, sliding the rope quietly into another knot. He was still producing tiny bags left and right, but the worst of it seemed to have stopped.

[momslilassassin]

"The other one, if you'd prefer," Ben said quietly, gaze flicking over Ender's pile of bags.

His big trunks labeled "MOM'S DEATH" "DAD'S EXPECTATIONS," "JACEN/CAEDUS' INFLUENCE," and "TAHIRI (ALL)" landed with a puff of sand, neatly obscuring the smaller duffel that read "Ender."

[endsthegame]

Ender tilted his head almost dispassionately, running his eyes over the words on Ben's latest. "It does cover everything," he said, and leaned into the enormous trunk that said PETER.

[momslilassassin]

Ben gave him a wry smile. "I haven't tried opening any of these," he said, gesturing behind him. "I know what's inside."

And had to move fast to avoid being squished by an enormous crate labeled REPRESSION.

"Honestly," he said, glaring up at the sky. "Like I don't know that."

[endsthegame]

"It is kind of an exercise in what we already know, isn't it?" Ender asked, his tone hinting towards the laconic even if his actual words weren't. "I gave up on getting rid of it."

[momslilassassin]

Ben nodded. "You okay?" he asked. "I know sharing isn't exactly your thing."

[endsthegame]

"I'm reminded," Ender said, setting his eyes on another trunk in front of him, "But I'm okay." Sort of.

[momslilassassin]

Ben moved to lean against the Peter trunk as well. "Need to borrow some of my repression," he asked, "or do you have one of your own in here?"

[endsthegame]

"If I believed in repression, I would've flipped them all by now," he pointed out, glancing towards Ben. "Not everyone is invested in your talent to ignore everything."

[momslilassassin]

Ben's eyes rested on several of Ender's tipped over bags, messages hidden. "Really."

[endsthegame]

"Me looking at them is not the same as you looking at them, kreetle," Ender said, following his gaze.

[momslilassassin]

"Me looking at them isn't the same as everyone else looking at them, either," Ben countered quietly.

[endsthegame]

"And it's a logical fallacy if you think that's an argument to see them," Ender said, lightly, logically. "Ben. Let it go."

[momslilassassin]

"They've upset you enough that you showed it," Ben said with a tiny frown as his COMPULSIVE NEED TO SAVE PEOPLE bag shifted closer. "That makes me worry."

[endsthegame]

Ender's eyes caught on that bag, and his mouth set into a wry line. "Listen to your own baggage," he said, simply. "I don't want to be saved by anyone."

[momslilassassin]

"Where's your guilt issues bag?" Ben retorted. "It has to be one of the big ones."

Ben, play nice.

[endsthegame]

Maybe someone else would have responded to it. But Ender was Ender; he had enough issues of his own, and it took more than that to upset him worse than he could ever upset himself.

"Ben," he repeated, "I don't want you to try to save me. Can you understand that?"

[momslilassassin]

"No," Ben said, looking Ender in the eyes. He waved his hand at their accumulated bags. "This is exhausting to carry around, even when it's not physically manifesting. Why don't you want some help?"

[endsthegame]

"Because I can take care of myself," he said. Despite the fact there were still some tears threatening to spill here, he knew that much. "I've always taken care of myself. You think all of my baggage changes that, Ben?"

[momslilassassin]

Ben's forehead furrowed and stretched out a tentative hand for Ender's shoulder.

If he found Ender's piece of luggage that said WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE, he was going to take it and cram it so far up Graff's rear....

"Ender," he said quietly, "just because you can doesn't mean you have to."

[endsthegame]

Ender's shoulder gave a little shrug. "Maybe, maybe not," he said. "But you, of all people, have no right to lecture anyone about whether they're healthy, or normal, or anything like it. I'm not a charity case you dragged up out of the dumpster, and you're not a knight in shining armor."

[momslilassassin]

"No lectures," Ben said softly. "Not when we could build ourselves a really nice apartment complex with our collected baggage."

And USES HUMOR TO DEFLECT FROM EMOTIONAL ISSUES landed with a soft thump.

"You're my best friend, and you're in pain, and I wouldn't forgive myself if I just walked away from that," he added.

[endsthegame]

"Ben, look around you," Ender said, sharply. "I recognize my own baggage. Do you recognize yours? Or do you want me to sit here while you psychoanalyze me and nudge at all of my weaker bits until you're satisfied I've told you everything that's wrong with me? Do you think that'll help you? Because I don't."

[momslilassassin]

Ben's grip on Ender's shoulder tightened slightly as a flash of pain in his eyes indicated a direct hit. "Do you think if you push this hard enough I'll leave too?" he retorted.

[endsthegame]

"Do you think it proves something to someone if you stick around to spite it?" Ender retored. He showed no quarter even as Ben's harder grip sent a spike of pain in his shoulder.

It took him a second to control the impulse to try to break Ben's arm.

[momslilassassin]

"Will it bring your whole world crashing down if you lose just this once?" Ben shot back.

[endsthegame]

"I don't know," he said, coolly, "Will it bring yours if you don't get to massage me into telling me everything? I didn't think we were playing to win and lose here."

[momslilassassin]

Ben took a deep breath, held it and then blew it back out.

"You know things about me my father doesn't know," he said. "That Tahiri doesn't know. I'm not demanding that the scales be evened out ever, but sometimes I wonder if you even like me."

[endsthegame]

An utterly wry look, close to a laugh, passed by Ender's face in an eyeblink. He snorted, instead, and shook his head. "Ben, you're my friend and I love you," he said, sincerely, "But what I'm not is 'poor Ender'."

[momslilassassin]

Ben looked mortified. "I don't pity you," he said vehemently.

[endsthegame]

"No, you don't," he said, "But you do this thing you always do: you see someone who's seen something bad in their lives, and unless they act like real assholes, you go for it. You try to take care of them as obsessively as you can. It's not a bad quality, really, except for when you use it to forget about your own problems."

He sat back, causing the PETER trunk to shift a little in the sand.

"And I know people well enough to know that a lot of them love that and ask you to help," he continued, "But I won't. I'm not poor Ender. I don't have the stomach for it."

[momslilassassin]

Ben looked a little stunned. "Oh," he said in a small voice.

[endsthegame]

Ender watched him for a moment. Maybe two. "But it's ridiculous to think that means I don't care," he said, finally.

[momslilassassin]

He nudged his shoulder into Ender's. "And how much of this is you telling me what you think I want to hear?" he asked quietly.

[endsthegame]

"If I told you what I thought you wanted to hear, I'd have told you I was feeling a little upset and maybe we could go for ice cream," Ender said, dryly. He nudged Ben's shoulder back.

[momslilassassin]

Ben snaked his arm around Ender's shoulder for a kind of one-armed hug. "I'm going with Kyle later anyway," he said. "Wonder if the bags will stay outside."

[endsthegame]

"Probably not," Ender said, allowing himself a momentary reprieve to lean... slightly into Ben's arm.

[momslilassassin]

Ben's eyes rested on their collective baggage--especially the glossy black one labeled JACEN/CAEDUS and let out a quiet sigh before tightening his grip just slightly around Ender.

He didn't like feeling this exposed, but being around Ender made it better.

He ignored the thud of a tiny bag as it landed next to him except to tip it over in the Force. He didn't want to read what it might say.

[endsthegame]

Ender was content to leave him like that, and relax into him - for a little while, at least.

In the end, he spoke up. "You know, I feel strangely motivated to start talking about the weather. It's a little nippy."

Valentine was right: he really was full of shit.

[momslilassassin]

Ben snorted. "There is something wrong with you," he teased. He didn't move his arm, though.