Dite's Decadent Delights, Monday Afternoon

[glacial_queen]

Of all the things Karla was expecting when she walked to Dite's today, a delivery man toting a cardboard box over five feet tall was not on the list. Anywhere.

"Huh?" Karla was ever so eloquent sometimes.

"Delivery." In case Karla had missed that. "Sign here, please." The delivery guy handed her a clipboard, which she signed without even thinking. Looking it over, the receipt seemed to be for a...

"WHO THE HELL SPENT THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS ON A FIVE FOOT TALL METAL COCK?!?"

The delivery guy shrugged. "I'm just delivering it." He eyed the store. "This is definitely the address listed." And the only store where it would be even slightly appropriate, was implied by his expression. "Sorry, no refunds."

And as Karla was still boggling at him, he snatched the clipboard back, tore off the yellow carbon copy and shoved it back at her, and then fled the scene, leaving her with... a giant cardboard box that contained a metal cock only a little shorter than she was. There was nothing else to do but open it and see what kind of monstrosity had been bought with company funds. Maybe she could turn it into some kind of...publicity stunt? Advertising scheme? Prank to pull on someone else? Something?

Opening it up, Karla found herself face-to-face with exactly what was advertised: a five-foot tall, brightly colored, metal cock:



















Laughing hysterically, Karla left it right there, outside the door. Why not? IT WAS FULL OF WHIMSY!

[Cut contains image. Everything actually SFW, but discretion is advised.]

Comments

Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

Compliment her on her bright new conversation starter!

Re: Talk To Karla

[momslilassassin]

Ben had some time to kill between lunch with Ender and his KKG meeting, which was why he was wandering to Dite's with two milkshakes (and some cookies, and a pie, and a sack of hamburgers...Karla still needed to gain weight back). It wasn't unusual that things from Dite's made him stop and stare, but this was, for once, not because he couldn't figure out what it was.

"That's a really big rooster," he offered.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

Karla tried to keep a straight face, but it was haaaard. "'Dite's is not only a store which specializes in assisting the community with intimacy and sexual health, but also encourages artistic license!"

Guess who'd been practicing that little spiel!

Re: Talk To Karla

[momslilassassin]

Ben stared. "If Topher takes this home, never tell me," he demanded.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"I was going to leave it outside your dorm room door," Karla said, dimpling. "When you were sad. It could cheer you up!"

And then she leveled him a knowing look. "Not that you need cheering right now, or so I hear."

Re: Talk To Karla

[momslilassassin]

Ben's cheeks went scarlet. "Maybe," he admitted. "It's still really, really new."

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Karla did the same kind of squealy stomp-dance behind the counter that she'd done for Ender on the ship.

"I mean, I'm pleased for you," she said. Casually.

Re: Talk To Karla

[momslilassassin]

"You had a dance for it?" Ben replied as his eyebrows arched up.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," she squealed. "Years, Ben. Years."

Re: Talk To Karla

[not_in_the_book]

Having decided to take a walk on his lunch break, Ronan was passing by Dite's when he saw...

A five-foot tall metal cock.

"Well, that's certainly a statement," he said, leaning in the doorway. "Or at least an attention-grabber."

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"Exactly!" Karla said, waving Ronan in. "Look, you stopped! Now come in and start looking around and realize that it's high time you replenished your stock of lubricant or brought home a new and exciting personal massager!"

Someone had been brainstorming all afternoon about how to spin this.

Re: Talk To Karla

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan considered. "I am a little low on lube," he allowed. "Although I doubt you have anything from off-world. I guess it's time to try a new brand, then!"

He grinned. "As for the... personal massager, I've already got one, and I'm quite happy with it."

Ronan? Not so much with the understanding of 'too much information'.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"There's always the opportunity to branch out," Karla replied, refusing to be embarrassed. She was a Black Widow, sex was one of those things. Things she was supposed to be able to talk about unflinchingly.

Okay, maybe she was blushing. Whatever. A little.

"Can I suggest the mango-scented lube? It seems to be quite popular." With Merlin.

Re: Talk To Karla

[not_in_the_book]

"I'll pass on mango -- what about raspberry?" Ronan asked. "And I'll take the largest size of Slippery Stuff you sell, too."

What? It never hurt to stock up in bulk when you were the town bicycle.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"Feel free to look around!" Karla offered, waving a hand around the first room of Dite's. The toys and the more NSFW explicit items were in the second room, behind a curtain. "Since this is your first time, I'll even be happy to offer you a ten percent discount to your whole purchase."

Re: Talk To Karla

[not_in_the_book]

Ronan blinked, then grinned. "Reaaaaaally," he drawled. "No matter what I buy?"

Re: Talk To Karla

[asgardcreated.livejournal.com]

Jon was out to pick up lunch when he saw the rather... interested work of art in front of Dite's.

It wasn't nearly as surprising as who he found inside when he went to ask about it.

"So, tell me, what's with the misleading advertising out there?" he asked, grinning. He doubted Karla recognized him.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"What's misleading about it?" Karla asked, all innocent. "There's a five foot cock outside my door. It's perfectly fitting."

She peered at him closely--there was something familiar about this male, both his face and even his psychic scent. But whatever was familiar had changed enough that it wasn't enough for recognition. "Do I know you? I do, right?"

Re: Talk To Karla

[asgardcreated.livejournal.com]

"Yes, but it's not the type of cock you sell. Some poor chicken farmer could wander in here by mistake." Which would be absolutely hilarious, in so many tragic, tragic ways. "And then you'd have to explain that these were animal husbandry aids."

He grinned and shrugged. "Maybe you do know me, maybe you don't. Although, I'll be really disappointed if I have to threaten your uncle again just to get you to remember."

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"You can't tell me that wouldn't be hilarious," Karla said. She couldn't read narrative, but they had similar senses of humor.

She raised an eyebrow at his hint. "I don't think anyone here is stupid enough to threaten my Uncle Saetan, and the line for threatening my Uncle Hobart is getting pretty long."

Still with the peering. "Keep talking. Your cadences are familiar."

Re: Talk To Karla

[asgardcreated.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure I was the first one in line, at least here." He had to think about it for a moment.

"My three favorite blondes; Karla, Dinah and Claire." Although, he hadn't talked to any of them in a few years.

Re: Talk To Karla

[glacial_queen]

"Jon?!?"

Color Karla surprised.

"But--how?!?" Except it was Fandom; the how was fairly self-explanatory. "How long has it been for you?"

Re: Talk To Karla

[asgardcreated.livejournal.com]

He laughed and shrugged, looking around. "Six years, give or take a few weeks. How long has it been here?"

Mod Your Purchases

[glacial_queen]

Don't ask why the droid seems a little...smug.

OOC

[glacial_queen]

In case you don't get the reference, please read this hilarious blog post.