Caritas, Thursday afternoon

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Kenzi was not going to stick around in town after dark. Noooooo. She did, however, feel an obligation to protect the booze from being disappeared. So she was going to load up a bag or two with bottles and take them back to the dorm.

"I'll bring it back!" she was telling Tino. "Look, don't you want people to be able to drink here after this is all over? Why take chances?"

[for those charming visitors]

Comments

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

Two Auditors walked into a bar.

Neither ducked. Because you see, it was not necessary for them to duck, seeing as how the bar was in fact not a piece of metal, but a place where humans went to in order to imbibe alcohol and look like total idiots once inebriated.

It wasn't a very good punchline.

They walked in, and right up to the bar, where Mr. Blue looked at the barstools and decided, "I believe these to be chairs, but they appear broken, and missing parts."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Kenzi blinked, and turned, booze in one hand. "They're bar stools. Easier to sit on, easier to fall off." She frowned a little, studying them warily. "You guys want something to drink?"

What were the odds these were the people you were supposed to avoid? Eeeeeek.

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

"We do not drink," Ms. Periwinkle said. "It is against our religion."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Okay! So! Weirdness at twelve o'clock!

"Really?" Kenzi said with panicked enthusiasm. "That is so interesting! Tell me about your religion. You're sure you won't drink? Free drinks for missionaries!" She started pouring shots. Because if nothing else, she was going to need one as she tried to figure out how to get out of here.

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

Mr. Blue tilted his head, a gesture he had not planned on and did not understand even as he did it. "If it is against our religion, why would you insist on offering us drinks?" he asked.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"Rules of hospitality!" Kenzi burbled. "And, and, politeness? Just in case! Gotta cover those bases! Tie up those loose ends! You never know what can happen in the next two seconds, do you?" She took a shot herself, and then a deeper breath. "Ahhh."

If she ran past them would they chase her? What about if she just tried to leave out the back?

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

"Would it not be polite to respect our wishes?" asked Mr. Blue.

"She is doing what we believe is called 'babbling,'" noted Ms. Periwinkle. "She appears to be nervous, and so the mouth will say things that mean nothing and make no sense."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Whatever calm the alcohol had given Kenzi was gone in two seconds when they said that. They just weren't acting human. She'd been on edge before, and even though what they'd said hadn't been overtly menacing, the way they said it.... And now, well. Suspicions and panic confirmed.

"I do that," Kenzi agreed. Keep them happy. Keep the customer happy! "I totally respect you, and your wishes. Don't feel like you gotta do anything. At all. Please."

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

"This is more babbling," Mr. Blue said, leaning forward just a bit to see if the usual signs of nervousness, such as perspiration, were visible. "What might we feel we... 'gotta' do?" He paused. "'Gotta' does not feel like a word."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Possibly? Just a little at the hairline?

"Ohhhh I don't know. Drink the alcohol. Or Kool-Aid and why are you leaning so close, wow, did I mention your suit is nice? Love your shoes," Kenzi told the female... person, as she leaned back from the guy. "Gotta is, um, got to? Only faster?" Kenzi's breathing sped up as her eyes darted to Tino, who was just watching, puzzled at all this.

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

"Your speech makes little sense," said Mr. Blue, who kept to a more rigid standard for things like that. For an Auditor, anyhow. "Why do you breathe like that?"

"Why would you tell me to love my shoes?" asked Ms. Periwinkle, looking down at her feet. They were gray, and perfectly functional. They served their purpose.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

"'Cause they're pretty? And people should know other people like their stuff...."

In Kenzi's case, it was also a warning she might walk off with it. But not while they were on someone's feet. Not yet anyway, you never knew, she might figure out how to do that someday. ¹

"And I breathe like this 'cause you're freaking me out!" Kenzi shouted very loudly.

¹ Kenzi was panicked enough that even her narrative was starting to hyperventilate.

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

"My ears do not appreciate your raised voice," said Mr. Blue, leaning back again. "I was able to hear you perfectly well."

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Tino was now trying to sneak by, sideways, and Kenzi cut a glare toward him as she said, "Really? You don't like that? I'm sorry. Sort of. You're going to let me leave, right? OR I CAN TALK MUCH MORE LOUDLY!"

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

"That is not necessary, and offensive to our hearing," Mr. Blue said.

Meanwhile, Tino's inching was just going to put him in the path of Ms. Periwinkle, who idly touched his shoulder, zapping him out of existence.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Kenzi screamed, jerking back from the bar, looking around wildly for a weapon, an exit, something. And continued to scream.

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

That horrible noise just continued to offend the Auditors' auditory senses, which led to them both holding their hands up to their ears to try and block the sound.

"She is very loud!" said Ms. Periwinkle, sounding annoyed without realizing she was doing it.

If there was ever a time for Kenzi to escape, this would pretty much be it.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

They were just standing there, and Kenzi suddenly got an Idea. Holy wow.

She picked up two bottles, threw them at the creepy people who disappeared Tino--

-- and vanished, reappearing just above the pond.

Splash!

Shivering, she climbed out of the pond, coughing and shaking. "Holy crap."