fandomtownies | Pixie Dust, Saturday Afternoon

Entry tags:

Pixie Dust, Saturday Afternoon

"Yes, this will do nicely, I think," ~~Ronan~~ Clinton said, looking around the store. "And the mirror! It's perfect. Just like ours."

A new sign was currently sitting outside Pixie Dust, instructing passersby that inside? They could learn:

What Not to Wear

It's also entirely possible that passersby will be accosted by the lovely and fashion-conscious hosts.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Whether you want to come in voluntarily, or want us to drag you in, this is the place to ping!

Hercules, in his old outfit of sash, skirt, and sandals wandered into the shop.

Followed by a dude with a camera. Unfortunately for everyone, it was like the New Labors of Hercules was back for a new season.

"A-ha!" Hercules declared upon his entry. "Tis a great place for me to get vestments for my next labor!"

For some reason reverting to his old reality show came with a bad ye olde English vocabulary.

Clinton just stared at Hercules. "What are you wearing?" he demanded. "No, that's just -- no. No, no, no. Come here, we can definitely help you with your wardrobe woes."

"I dost have woes?" Hercules said, walking over to the man who spoke to him. "This is a classical look that I hath rocked for centuries!"

"Which means, of course," Clinton explained, "that it's centuries out of date. We can get you updated and looking great, and all in twenty-two minutes of airtime."

"This sounds too good to be true," Hercules said. "Have your way with me, soothsayer of fashion! I wish to see your magic at work!"

"Now, with bodybuilders," Clinton explained -- to a non-existent camera -- "there are a number of additional challenges." He stepped over to Herc and started pointing out various bodyparts. "Now, with... What's your name, sir?"

"Hercules!" he said, flexing a bit. "And I'm not a bodybuilder. I'm a hero. So this is all practical."

Clinton just nodded. "I'll keep that in mind," he agreed. "With Hercules," Clinton continued, "we're going to have to take into consideration that his shoulders are that much broader than his narrow waist, and then his thighs are wider in proportion again. Because most fashion is designed for much more typical body shapes, bodybuilders -- or people with bodybuilder-like proportions -- will, when not buying workout gear, often move towards baggier clothes to accommodate the larger portions of their anatomy, to avoid more expensive tailoring."

Moving to one of the racks, Clinton started pulling off some clothes. "We'll start today with the lower body. One of the biggest concerns for someone of your build is the proportion of your thighs both to your waist and to your calves -- slacks large enough to fit your thighs can very easily end up comically loose on the slimmer portions of your anatomy. Tailoring can help, but in the meantime, double pleats offer a degree of flexibility in both the front and the seat, while heavier fabrics, such as wool, have a better drape across narrower calves." He handed a couple of pairs of pants to Hercules. "Just make sure that the waist fits as closely as possible while still accommodating your thighs."

"Ooooh, stylish," Hercules said, holding the pants and placing them at his waist. "And my thighs are powerful. They can squeeze the life out of an unsuspecting foe. That is why they dost be so sizable."

Clinton was very clearly not thinking about those thighs squeezing around anyone. Clearly.

"Now, you run into similar problems with the torso," he explained. "Most men are of a similar width from the chest through the waist, if they're not widening, but muscular men like yourself narrow. With the addition of much broader shoulders, you get the classic 'V' look associated with bodybuilders, but when dressing for fashion, those same proportions can become exaggerated, even comical. Shirts aren't as much of a concern, because, being tucked in at the waist, they don't really alter the line introduced by the pants, but with jackets, you're looking for a few things, most of which will need at least a little bit of tailoring.

"First off, while there's no band of cloth at the waist like with pants, you want to make sure that the narrowest part of the jacket is brought in even narrower. Choose something with wide cuffs; they can help your wrists look larger, helping to balance against larger biceps. Most especially, if you're buying off the rack, the most important fit is across the shoulders -- it's the hardest place to tailor."

"And my last suit tore at the sleeves," Hercules helpfully pointed out. "Though that was because I got really angry while wearing it."

"That's why you need proper tailoring," Clinton explained. "And a better quality suit.

"Now, in terms of casual wear," he continued, handing Hercules a shirt and jacket, "a lot of the things you want to hide with the suit -- the extreme proportions which throw off the dressed-up look -- are things you want to accentuate. Consider polos or t-shirts that are banded on the sleeves; they'll draw attention to your biceps. For longer sleeves, try a henley, especially in solid, dark colours and a tighter, though not necessarily skin-tight, fic. The lack of collar draws attention down from your neck, while the smooth line from wrist to wrist sets off your shoulders."

"...bands on the sleeves?" Hercules said, thinking he'd look pretty ridiculous in a polo.

"Trust me," Clinton said. "Bands on the sleeves."

It depended on the polo, really, but it would totally work.

"Don't forget the importance of the class tank-top, either," he continued. "Something with a wider strap, generally speaking, will look better, and again something with an off-set colour banded hem will look better than something solid. Obviously this is for the most casual of situations, but it's still worth keeping in mind. Now, for jeans, try something low-slung. With your narrow waist, it means you can get away with a slightly wider waist on the jeans, making it not as difficult to find something that will fit your thighs without being quite so baggy."

[And now we're getting to the part where I'm really making shit up as I go along.]

"...this is why I generally don't wear pants," Hercules pointed out.

"And that's why you're on our show," Clinton retorted.

"Pants are overrated," Hercules stressed. "Just ask any Scotsman."

Once they ping in, if you want to catch them while they're not helping a ~~victim~~ guest.

Clinton was there and looking fabulous in a powder-blue cashmere v-neck over a steel-grey button-up, a pair of charcoal slacks, and black Alexander McQueen half-brogue shoes.

Stacy was looking amazing as usual, while "dressing" a mannequin that she obviously had had no real part in dressing but she was supposed to look like she was doing the work for the camera.

This weekend is ALL THE BEST CRACK. :D

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pixie Dust, Saturday Afternoon

Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Re: Get Advice/Get Accosted by the Hosts

Talk to the Hosts

Re: Talk to the Hosts

Re: Talk to the Hosts

OOC