fandomtownies | Caritas, Thursday evening (3/8)

Is playing Gloria Gaynor. As you do.

Kenzi will be happy to get you any girly or womanly drink you want!

A little squirrel had passed along to Butters the news of the bar's special today (sometimes, it paid off to talk to squirrels, and maybe a few of them almost missed Big Texas Butters), and he took a moment to weigh the good versus evil of the chance to have an excuse to put on a wig and some heels and having to deal with Kenzi.

The wig won out.

The wig usually did win out.

"Can we still get half off of root beers?" asked Marjorine. You could tell it was Marjorine because it was a few forced octaves above Butters's voice.

Kenzi turned around. Her eyes got huge. The urge to giggle was strangled, but the smile couldn't get bigger. "Why yes. We have half off our non-alcoholic drinks too. And you're...?" Butters in drag but with a weirdly high voice?

"Why, my name is Marjorine," said Butters, his eyes growing wide a little himself, but with the pure excitement that perhaps Kenzi didn't recognize him. Oh, boy! This was gonna be real good. He put on his prettiest smile and batted his well-mascara'd eyelashes. "It sure is nice to be meetin' you....?"

He trailed off in the universal trailing off of wondering what a person's name was since Marjorine clearly didn't know who Kenzi could possibly be.

Kenzi refrained from calling herself Butch. But had to throw out, "Anastasia! I have so much bartending here on Thursday nights, Marjorine." She grinned as she poured Butters a glass of Root Beer. "So, are you a new student, sweetie?" She batted her eyelashes at Butters as she handed over his drink.

There was a moment, with Butters's eyes narrowed at Kenzi because he knew she was lying, but then he kind of was, too, so he just ended up laughing. A very Butters laugh.

"I sure am!" he chirped. "I just transferred here, a little late, but oyu know how that goes. Aren't you a little young to be bartendin'? That must sure be an excitin' career!"

Yup. She wasn't crazy. Butters was cross-dressing and pretending to be someone else to get root beer. Only Tex.

"Just call me Stacy," Kenzi said cheerfully. "Not to be confused with the other Stacy, she's from New York. And I'm only bartending until I get on reality TV." Look, it'd been a while since she'd gotten to full-on bullshit like this. "

Hey. Butters was cross-dressing and pretending to be someone else because he liked it. The half-off root beer was just an added bonus.

"Oh, I've met Stacey!" Marjorine said happily. "She has such pretty hair, don't you think? I wonder what kind of conditioner she uses. Anyway, reality TV would sure be a lot of fun! I'd like to be on America's Next Top Model! Or maybe Project Runway. Maybe Top Chef, but that'd be real hard 'cause my parents don't let me play with knives on account of the fact that they're real dangerous. What show do you want to be on....Stacy?"

"She really does," Kenzi had to admit. She bit down on a giggle again. "Funny, I have a friend whose parents don't let him play with fire... And I want to be on one of the Kardashian shows." She leaned forward to whisper, "Someone needs to bitch-slap those girls, don't you think?"

Marjorine's face was just as bright as a lantern at the mention of the Kardashians, but then Kenzi continued on, and the expression completely fell. "Maybe a few of them," he allowed cautiously. "But not Kim. She's the best! Well, I guess maybe if it was to let her know that maybe she needs to be a little bit better about pickin' out her next husband. I think...maybe she needs to find herself a nice guy, maybe someone, you know, blonde, from some small mountain town in, oh, I don't know, Colorado or something, whose really good at dancing and will treat her real nice and like the beautiful, pudding-butt goddess that she is."

Cue the wistful sigh and the dreamy, longing eyes...

Kenzi repressed a chortle, nodding very seriously as Marjorine explained this, and poured herself a coke. "You know, if I went on there, I bet I could get myself adopted. I'm cute. Okay, my first name doesn't begin with K--" Except for how it did. "--but I can change it. To, oh, Kissinger or something. And then I can pass your advice along to her." She made big eyes. "You don't know any guys from Texas or Colorado or anything, do you?"

"You could be Kasey!" Marjorine suggested. "That rhymes with Stacy. But I wouldn't go and do anything stupid that starts with a K, like...I don't know, Kenzi or something. Ugh!" He scrunched up his face, kicking his feet a little as he sipped his root beer. "What a terrible name! I bet anyone with that name is just real ugly or crazy or something."

He really, really couldn't help himself, peeking back at Kenzi with big eyes of his own, all big and innocent and sweet and lined perfectly with glittery blue eyeshadow. "And sure I do! I'm from Colorado, would you believe it? Lots of really cute, hunky guys from Colorado."

Well there went your chance of an introduction, Butters. Hmmph.

"Kasey aka Stacey, the lost Kardashian," Kenzi said, trying it out loud. "They don't have enough Goth on that show... and I don't know, Kenzi sounds more like someone who possibly has stunning fashion sense and the ability to talk high finance. I don't think I could pull it off."

She smirked at Butters. "I would believe it! Ski instructors. Rock Climbers. Are there cowboys in Colorado? ... but you know, most of them may not want to date Kim. What would they have in common?"

Marjorine looked very doubtful of Stacy's assessment of a Kenzi, but then the last question caught him. He shrugged his shoulders cutely. "Oh, there are lots of cowboys, and they're real rugged. They'd share an appreciation for her beauty, for one thing! I bet Kim would like that lots and lots. And her cowboy would take her on all sorts of excitin' adventures and wrangle her up some real pretty jewels and clothes and other things that she'd deserve. A cowboy would know how to treat her real good; what girl wouldn't want to be with a handsome, rugged cowboy? I know I sure would!"

"I bet she would appreciate that too," Kenzi said, earnest as all get out. "Well, I myself find cowboys to be fascinating, but I don't know that many. Although my pal Tex would probably qualify. He can sing. Like Roy Rogers." She beamed. "And kiss. But I don't know, I know he likes Kim, but I think he'd be awful overwhelmed by New York."

Despite himself, Butters couldn't help blushing a little. "Gee," he gushed, "he sure sounds swell, but any cowboy could handle New York! New York's got nothin' on the wild open plain, I bet. Why, all New York's got is a bunch of big buildings, taxi cabs, and pimps. And somethin' tells me that if your Tex is anything like the Big Texas cowboy I know, he also knows how to handle himself around pimps."

"You may have a point there, Marjorine," Kenzi said, nodding thoughtfully. "I mean, the Tex I know got in trouble for being a kiss pimp. I'm sure he could take on any New York Pimp. Plus, I heard things on the Radio about him and topiary." You know, bushes. "I'm sure Kim would appreciate someone who could garden, am I right?"

The blush was only getting worst, creeping into the well blended hairline of Butters's wig. He gave a polite little cough. "Every girl," he said, sweetly as he could, "appreciates a gentleman who really knows how to take care of a bush."

It took everything he had not to add that she should just ask Annie Edison about that. But Marjorine was a lady...

Marjorine had class, yes. Along with great hair!

"There you go. Yes, I think this is a very good plan. Now I just need to get onto the Kardashians, prove I'm their long-lost little sister, and then introduce them to my good friend Butters so Kim can live happily ever after." She paused. "Hmmmmmm..."

This was actually sounding like something she could do for fun, sometime.

"I bet he'd really like that!" said Butters happily, bouncing despite the fact that he knew it would probably never happen. "You'd make a better Kardashian than me, I'm much too blonde. I think I'd be a better Girl Next Door..."

Kenzi managed not to cough. Or snicker. "You do have that blonde thing going for you, I gotta say that. And your boobs-- well, you can get some work done, am I right? Plus they need to get someone tall on there."

Butters patted his chest a little forlornly. He knew he should have done a little more padding. "I think a little work done is a prerequisite for that show, anyhoo," he noted.

"Look on it as an investment in your career!" Kenzi nodded vehemently. "And everyone remembers the Girls, no one ever remembers those Top Models. I think you're focusing in on the right area. In fact..." She grabbed her iPhone. "I think they're having Playboy Casting calls this month. See (http://www.playboy.com/girls/pose-for-playboy/person.html)?"

It was International Woman's Day, so. Hey. Irony intended.

"I remember the Top Models," Butters insisted, sounding a little injured. "I can name every winner all the way from Adrianne to Lisa, who won All Stars, even if she's too old and Alison is so much cuter. I'm pretty sure I'm still a little too young for a Bunny, though."

"Well, if you're not 18, you've got a point." Kenzi bit her lips in thought. Or something. "And if you're that devoted to modeling... are you good with hang-gliding off a water tower? And wearing tarantulas as clothes?"

"Believe me, honey," said Butters with a dismissive wave of a manicured hand, "I've been through a lot worse than that!"

"All right then!" Kenzi snapped a picture of Butters, and started humming. "There has to be a website to submit this to...."

"H-Hey," said Butters, blinking when he realized what Kenzi was doing. He leaned forward on the bar, pushing himself up on it to look better. "W-what're you doing?"

A bit of panic ran through him, but, on the other hand, it wasn't like have was really that concerned....it wouldn't be Marjorine's first night out on the town or anything, here....

"You have to have a portfolio, Marjorine," Kenzi said patiently. Tongue firmly in cheek. Although the temptation to find a website to submit it to was strong. No, there had to be something better. "Hmm. I think the lighting in here washes you out. Maybe some more blush?"

Butters fixed Kenzi with a dubious look. "Or maybe, if you're going to make pictures for a portfolio, you don't use pictures that you take in a bar. There should be a real photoshoot, or at least something just a little bit professional. I don't wanna wind up lookin' like some cheap Jersey Shore party girl or nothin'!"

"You think?" HMM. "Okay, then you should come by my workplace tomorrow, we can do a photoshoot there. With lingerie even!"

Muahahaha.

Butters's eyes shifted a little. Lingerie could be risky. He was getting better at tucking, but, well, it was always a little tricky when you were hung like a horse.

Ahem.

"Gee, K--Stacy, I don't know...."

Kenzi quivered her lip. "Marjorine! You have to believe in yourself!"

"I just don't want it to be too..." Butters wrinkled his nose as he tried to find the right word. "Slutty."

"I would never!" She so would. At least if he kept pretending he didn't know her. "You come by 'Dite's tomorrow, Marjorine. Promise me."

[and I crash out! SP?]

Butters pouted a little bit as he considered, and he still wasn't too sure about the lingerie idea, but maybe if he brought some of his own costumes, he could change Kenzi's mind. "Oh, all right," he said, "I promise I'll come by."

Because, that way, he wasn't promising nothin' about the pictures.

For Girl Talk. Or Talky Talk.

Watch a soap. Or a football match. Women watch anything they want.

YAY International Woman's Day!

Around and available.

Caritas, Thursday evening (3/8)

The Band

The Bar

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The Lounge

The Back Room

OOC