The Wayne Foundation, Saturday

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Tallest in the back, please. Just stand there for ten minutes and you'll get some porridge, you adorable little orphans," Bruce said. He even wiped a smudge off the face of one of the smaller orphans. These orphans were standing in a group three rows deep. And behind them, Bruce took a seat at his desk.

There were some people who claimed that Bruce Wayne hid his shady dealings behind his charitable works. He liked the sound of that, so he made a point to literally hide behind orphans whenever he got to work. He was just about to make a phone call to order another shipment of caffeine pills to flood Fandom with - the profit margins were higher with the pills than they were with real coffee, especially that fine Columbian bean - when he saw a chat window pop up.

service to UR supplier has been disconnected, brother. UR criminal empire is only valid while supplies last.

"Goddamn you, Batman," Bruce cursed under his breath. He had enough problems with the werewolves as it was. But now if his own twin brother was spoiling his caffeine imports? "Get out of here, you goddamned orphans! Go to the breakfast nook and get your porridge!" Bruce needed to think.

[OOC: Yep, open.]

Comments

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Jeffy Maroe, ex-star running back and recent paraplegic, burst into Bruce's office in his wheelchair. "WAYNE!" he snarled. "This is your fault! I know you're the one behind my tragic motorbike accident! I'll never walk again, and now the football team won't make the playoffs! I'll get you for this! I'll GET YOU!!!"

Jeffy didn't actually know who was behind the accident, but blaming random people was more interesting than dealing with it rationally. He started sobbing. "Oh, I'm so broken!"

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Sorry, Maroe. It's on the public record that the only sports I follow are intramural sports in underprivileged neighborhoods," Bruce said. "So why would I set up an accident to take you out before the Big Game? It makes no sense and I certainly did not make lots of money off of it."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"You and your money," Jeffy spat. "It's all you care about. Your money, and your orphans. And your marriages. But not your wives. It makes me sick! There are people, actual people, real human lives that are tragically affected by the things you do!!! Tragically!!!"

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"You must have me confused with someone else," Bruce said, waving for the orphans to join them so he could pat them on their adorable heads. "I only help people."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"These aren't people!" Jeffy cried. "They're orphans!!! You're only using them to look good! Well, I see through you, you... you... orphan-user!!!"

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Such accusations," Bruce said. He bent down to give one of the orphans a bottle of caffeine pills. The orphan knew what to do. While Jeffy ranted, he would just have to sneak behind him and drop the bottle onto the wheelchair. "Remind me not to ask you for an endorsement when I run for Governor."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Right next to Jeffy's own bottle that was already there!

"Governor?!?!" Jeffy wailed. "You can't! You won't! You mustn't! My father works for the current governor! If you get elected, he'll be out of a job! And I'll be POOR!" Because that was how it worked, right? Probably.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Who knows? Maybe I could be convinced to keep your father on once I'm elected," Bruce said. "And sometimes the most convincing argument... is a silent one."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"And sometimes the most effective silence... is permanent," Jeffy countered. Pretend that made sense, and was a scary threat. The writer who came up with that line was new.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Bruce lifted his most adorable orphan and pinched her cheek. "If that's the way you're going to be, you should leave, Jeffy. Maybe call your father. He's getting up there in age, you never know what might happen to him."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"He'll be fine," Jeffy told Bruce. "He's two days away from retirement. You, on the other hand... I'll see you around."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I sure hope you're not blinded in an accident before then," Bruce warned.

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

It was nearly lunch when Pam Poovey dropped by the Wayne Foundation.

"Bruce, darling," she said. He wasn't her darling, and hadn't been for quite a long time, but it sounded nice, going to the man who cut her those lovely alimony checks. "I'm afraid we need to talk."

The music held for a few moments while the camera zoomed in on her face.

(RECASTING NOTICE. The executives didn't like having an actual overweight woman on the show, so they decided to go in the 'Hollywood Fat' direction instead. So for this weekend, Pam will be played by Bridget Jones-era Renee Zellweger. I am pinging this in case icons keep glitching.)

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Dammit, I asked Nikolai to tell any exes I was in the Bahamas!" Bruce said to himself. Loudly, but to himself, so you couldn't hear it, Pam! "What brings you here, Pam? Not another alimony issue, I hope."

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

"No, Brucie, those checks are perfectly fine," she said, pausing to light a cigarette through her smirking lips. "I'm thinking of getting a new Bentley this year. What color, would you say? It is your money."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Flame red or black like an oil slick," Bruce said. "No smoking. There are orphans here."

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Pam reached over to stub her cigarette on his very expensive-looking desk.

"Flame red," she decided. "The boys who help me spend your money like a little flash."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Maybe they'll get more flash and flame than you anticipate," Bruce said, again to himself. "Is that all? You wanted opinions on car shopping?"

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Tormenting Bruce was so much fun, but she did have a reason to be here.

"I got this ... letter," she said, reaching into her purse to find it. "It's from the National Agency of Names, Databases and File Sorting."

That was totally a real thing.

"I'm in their database with my married name -- our married name -- because the paperwork changing it back was filed in the wrong organizational database, and the database has been corrupted."

All perfectly normal functionings of the NANDFS.

"I'm going to be audited. They've seized two of my bank accounts."

The Swiss one, they didn't know about.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I don't see how this has anything to do with me yet," Bruce lied. The database hadn't been corrupted. A flunky had been bought off. It had everything to do with him. Mwahahaha.

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

"Bruce," Pam said, folding her arms. "Everyone knows that your dead father once held an honorary seat on the managing board of the NANDFS, and that most of the board are still very fond of you."

Everyone sure did now, Pam! Hooray for clunky exposition.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I don't see how that's relevant to this discussion," Bruce deflected. "That's true of virtually all banking and name sorting agencies in the country. You might as well claim that it's suspicious that I breathe air."

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

"I didn't say it was suspicious," Pam said, narrowing her eyes. "Bruce, I could go to jail for this. You know how seriously name-sorting violations are taken. I wanted to ask -- as a friend -- as someone you must have loved once --"

This would probably be way more touching if she hadn't led with gloating about the rent boys and his alimony checks.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"You realize that would save me on alimony checks," Bruce said. "I generally find that my life is easier if I only keep any current wives out of jail. You must understand."

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Pam's jaw dropped. "You're joking," she said. "You must be. Not even you ... not even you would be this cold."

AhahahahahhAHAHAHAHAHHAhahahahaahahahahaha *cough* sorry.

She straightened her shoulders. "Then don't call it a favor," she decided. "You have something I want. Maybe ... I have something you want."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I have billions of dollars and an army of orphans. What more could I want?" Bruce asked.

No, seriously, he was curious what she could offer.

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

Pam was trembling, but she held herself together. Her dignity, her shame, none of it compared to going to Federal Supermax prison for illegal name-sorting mistakes.

She swallowed past a nervous lump. "I ... I could do that thing you liked," she said in a soft voice. "The one thing you can't get from any other woman. The one thing you can't get out of your mind, since the day we split up. The reason we both know you'll never get over me. I ..."

Her voice was barely above a whisper, now.

"I could play my accordion for you."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Bruce leaned over and whispered, "I've never liked the accordion. I faked it the entire time." Annnnd then he smirked.

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

An ugly look crossed her face, and she slapped Bruce. Hard.

"You bastard," she seethed. "I hope you know I played that accordion for your best friend."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"You say that like I have friends I don't pay or haven't married," Bruce scoffed while rubbing his jaw.

[holyshitsnacks.livejournal.com]

"You know," Pam said, ominously, "some day, you're going to go too far."

Bruce was just swimming in mediocre threats today.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"But not today," Bruce said before laughing. Serious Mwahaha stuff.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Mr. Wayne." Hannibal Lecter, manager and mentor of Jonothon Evan Starsmore, the stunningly handsome and ridiculously wealthy rock-star descendant of the late Jack Starsmore, heir to the vast Starsmore Fortune, esteemed leader of the mighty and powerful Clan Akkaba, and wielder of Mysterious Powers of Which He Never Spoke, strode in the door. He smiled like a friendly shark and paused dramatically.

"I have a business proposition for you."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"What kind of business proposition could the manager and mentor of Jonothon Evan Starsmore, the stunningly handsome and ridiculously wealthy rock-star descendant of the late Jack Starsmore, heir to the vast Starsmore Fortune, esteemed leader of the mighty and powerful Clan Akkaba, and wielder of Mysterious Powers of Which He Never Spoke have for an honest philanthropist like me?" Bruce asked.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Orphans, Mr. Wayne." Hannibal meandered pseudo-casually around the office, looking approvingly at some of Bruce's knick-knacks. "I understand you deal with quite a few."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"They're what I'm known for," Bruce said. "I do my best to care for them with a large portion of my own extremely vast fortune."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Of course." Hannibal's smile never faltered, despite his jealousy of the extreme vastness of that fortune. He settled himself neatly in a chair in front of Bruce's desk. "You may not be aware of this," because it had been scripted at the last minute, "but Mr. Starsmore has been generous enough to furnish me with a rather sizable sum in order to open an orphanage on the island."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I'd heard rumors," Bruce said, because that was vague enough. "And I imagine you'd like to acquire some of my orphans?"

[sharp_as_knives]

"To put it rather bluntly, yes. Preferably with musical ability. Of...tender years," he added with a mysterious smile.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I have some concerns, obviously," Bruce said. "First, of course, is a question of how qualified you are to take care of these poor, abandoned children. And second, what can you offer me? Keep in mind that these children offer me certain protections from prying eyes and money is essentially meaningless to me."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Oh, I won't be caring for them alone," Hannibal told him. "I have a very qualified staff." Of off-screen people and occasional extras. "I will be standing as a father figure, of course, and teaching them music, in accordance with Mr. Starsmore's wishes. And it will be in my own interest to take very good care of them. After all, with luck we may produce a musical superstar or two."

He spread his hands and smiled. "As to what I can offer you...Because of my travels with Jono, I have contacts all over the world." He reached carefully into his very expensive jacket and pulled out a packet of neatly wrapped butcher paper. He set it on Bruce's desk and pushed it toward him. There were two things inside: beige pills and small, brown beans. "Pure death's head coffee in pill form - two-hundred percent the normal caffeine. And Kopi Luwak, for those of more...discerning tastes."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Bruce didn't touch the beans or the paper as he inspected it. The texture looked right. The smell was correct. It checked out. However... "It should go without saying that the very possession of these items is illegal. Out of respect to your client, I'll forget that you brought them here," he said.

"However, I believe we can come to an arrangement. I'll let my lawyers work out the details in as specifically non-specific fashion as they can. Once the paperwork is completed, you'll receive information on our orphans to see which ones would thrive in the environment you're building."

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal smiled and slid the packet back into the secret pocket in his jacket. "I appreciate your discretion." He stood to go. "And it should go without saying I'd prefer true orphans - no family coming out of the woodwork later on." He sighed. "The legalities can be so tiresome. And I do hate to become attached to the little darlings and have them snatched away."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"If I'm helping them, it's a guarantee that they have no family remaining. I'm nothing if not thorough," Bruce said.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Marvelous." Hannibal held out his hand. "I look forward to doing business with you, Mr. Wayne."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Same here," Bruce said, reaching over to shake.

[sharp_as_knives]

Hannibal shook his hand, nodded politely, and left. That had gone rather well, he thought. He hummed something jaunty, ominous, and out of copyright classical as he left.