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The Park: Sunday Afternoon

Zoe had told Jamie that he could put together a message to the school board in order to prevent the future Faandom from becoming a dystopia.

Zoe was probably going to regret that decision.

For now it meant that Jamie and his duplicates had set up a makeshift stage and procured a video camera for the occasion.

As he waited for his fellow campfire members to show up, Jamie settled down to drink his soy latte. He wasn't sure why he was drinking a soy latte but for some reason it seemed appropriate.

[For the campfire members and anyone else who wants to witness a potential train wreck.]

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There was a thundering voice. Which was really just Jamie talking in a very deep voice talking like a movie trailer.

"IN A WORLD WHERE FREEDOM IS LOST AND HOPE IS GONE! ONE MAN HAS TAKEN CIVIL LIBERTIES AWAY AND YOUR FREEDOM!"

Just then a Jamie dressed in a suit from a high school production of a Phantom of the Opera steps out looking somewhat but not entirely like Frank Underwood. He also eating a plate of ribs. And while Frank Underwood has a soft Southern charming accent, Jamie sounds more like Foghorn Leghorn."

"I say-I say-I say these ribs are delicious. Just like the dystopia I've forced on Fandom Island with the Lannisters ruling the island with an iron fist."

"I'm just an average student at Fandom High, and all I can say is that I love it and my grades have never been higher," Johnny said. He was wearing a very fancy dress and a very bad wig. He did not look happy as he stage whispered, "Because if I don't say that, I'm lucky if I get detention."

Warren, decked out as the Phantom if only because it meant he wasn't still wearing the clothes he'd been down into the sewer in, stepped out in front of the camera next. His entrance was heralded by a very dramatic organ riff, provided ever-so-helpfully by Jamie's ~~modded with permission~~ dupes.

Some days, Warren wondered why he didn't set them on fire.

"And I am one of the handful of people who are trying, in secret, to liberate the island and eventually all of America from the tyranny of Underwood."

That couldn't have come out sounding more flat if Warren had been made of cardboard. At least he was pointing at Jamie as he said the name.

And then another Jamie walked out on stage with dyed blonde hair and a crown on his head. Instead of walking on his feet he was walking on his knees.

"And I am Joffrey! I'm in charge of this island and it's mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!"

He came off less as a annoying sociopathic thirteen year old with power issues than a Justin Bieber impersonation.

Still... it was pretty close.

"Joffrey" pointed at Johnny. "You there! Wench! Come to my bed chambers where I shall humiliate you and then threaten to kill everyone you love!"

"Really?" Johnny asked, rolling his eyes before walking over. "Fine. Please don't kill everyone I love! I can bear the brunt of the humiliation as long as it's only I who has to deal with it."

Really, Warren was doing this under duress. This whole thing? Wasn't his idea.

"Never fear," came the monotone interjection of a hero who had never participated in community theater. "Campfire is here to keep you safe from his injustice."

A beat.

"From the shadows."

Another beat.

"While on fire."

He lit a hand on fire to demonstrate. Thus far, it was easily the most passionate part of his performance.

"My. My. My," came the voice of Foghorn Leghorn Underwood,"I say-I say-I say, if I wasn't President of the United States I would say-say-say that I wouldn't have thought such a uprising would have occur under my rule."

He took another bite of his rib. "Lannister? Throw them all in... D-d-d-d-d-d-I-say-detention."

The not-Lannister then began to screech. "DETENTION! THROW THEM ALL IN DETENTION!"

At which point several duplicates appeared on stage wearing oven mitts thinking that was an effective way to combat the Phantom of the Opera who was on fire.

"Wait! President Underwood is right. I never would have thought that an uprising could occur either. But now that I know... It's like I'm going to... FLAME ON!"

The dress and wig burned up way faster than Johnny expected. Fortunately he had unstable molecules in his boxers, or this educational film would have taken a whole new turn. "You sparked a fire... Campfire!"

Warren spared Johnny a look as if to say, 'I can't believe you really just actually said those words.'

"Of course, just the few of us aren't going to be enough, while we're up against the Lannisters, Underwood, and the entire American government."

Which, hopefully, was where the school board would somehow come into play.

None of this, of course, was stopping Warren from letting flames climb up his arms, making 'come at me, bro' gestures to the dupes in the oven mitts.

The duplicates began to do fake-kung-fu at the flaming heroes-

(That wasn't a dig. They are literally on fire here)

-As President Foghorn/Underwood continued to eat his ribs. "You might think that I as a president would be worried at I-say-I-say-I-say this turn of events. But as President... I have thought of everything, I say."

Just then music (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQtdcuTs-5c) began to play and a Jamie in legwarmers and a cut up sweatshirt began to dance on stage. At the climatic moment water fell down with the help of buckets from the dupes.

"DOUSE THEM! DOUSE THEM ALL!" the fake Lannister screeched.

"GRRRAWWAAGGAHHHH," Johnny yelled as his flame was put out, leaving him mostly naked and dripping wet. "That's cold, Jamie!"

"Ahem. We need your help. For some reason, we ended up here in the past, giving us a chance to spread far enough early enough that Underwood and the Lannisters can't even by those buckets. Metaphorically."

Warren's own flame was similarly doused, leaving him standing there with the sleeves burned clean from his costume and steam curling up from his bare arms.

Jamie's dupes were getting one hell of a scowl.

"What we need from you people," he said, with a little more feeling now, "is some sort of early intervention. Some reassurance that measures will be taken to keep Underwood and his lackeys from ever taking control. Because if they do, do you really want the only hope for a free future to be in hands like these? Really?"

Look, it seemed like a compelling argument at the time.

The flashdance Jamie pulled off his headband and stood stonefaced.

"You might think this funny. Or that we're making jokes. I'm good at making jokes and making light of a situation because right now that's the only thing that makes me stomach the world we've become."

He looked down at his feet.

"People are getting hurt for their beliefs or for just being at the wrong place at the wrong time. And that's no place to live."

"We haven't seen or heard from the people we love since we've been in Fandom," Johnny said. "The only people who seem to make due are the people willing to accept what's offered by these evil people without any resistance. And if being here in 2014 has shown me anything, it's that this isn't the Fandom way."

"I went to school here myself, when the island was still almost the same as it is now. Some of the teachers here, I took classes under. I've fought invasions here, even made friends here..." Warren's voice softened a little, and the steam stopped curling up from his arms. "I know Fandom won't stand for this. It never has. But somewhere down the road, somewhere in the next thirty or forty years, it loses sight of that. It doesn't pull through the way we're all so sure we always will."

Jamie stood silent for a moment or two.

"I don't know what else I can say or do to make it clear how dangerous the world has become," he began. "Only to make this threat: if you don't stop this future from happening I will make sure one of my dupes comes back to this time and place and make chaos rain down upon the school board with daily puppet shows and ridiculous pranks."

"He knows magic. He can do it," Johnny pointed out ominously.

"You really, really don't want him to do it," Warren added. "Trust me. I'm one of his teachers. I know."

Jamie... The Real Jamie Madrox stepped out on stage and walked to the camera.

"So to sum up: Future bad. Stop Underwood and the Lannisters or I'm coming for... you!"

Jamie then attempted to point menacing at the camera but of course that would be the point in time that another sock puppet showed up on his hand.

"God damn it. CUT!"

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The Park: Sunday Afternoon

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