Demon Marcus, Sunday

[myownface]

Yeah, Sparkle was here. He was here mostly because the bars didn't open first thing in the morning and he couldn't stand to be in his room any more. He wasn't doing anything. He'd pulled up a chair behind the counter and was mostly just staring at the stock around him. Occasionally he felt the urge to just... something. Break things. Something.

He didn't, though.

He did, from time to time, just slam his fists down on the countertop before retreating into the back room for a few minutes, here and there. Whether it was to drink some of Callie's old alcohol stash, cry, or throw up was his business and nobody else's.

[OOC: Open store, but Sparks isn't going to be terribly helpful today.]

Comments

[sharp_as_knives]

"After not having them, it must have been quite overwhelming." Hannibal sipped his wine and looked at Sparkle. "Tell me about one of them. Any one, but only one."

One at a time, Sparkle.

[myownface]

But Sparkle was so prone to wordvomit that he really wanted to just throw all of his words on the table at once. He actually hesitated for a moment, stared down at the table, and tried to pick out what was eating at him the most.

Oddly enough, 'eating people' was a few down from the top of the list.

"Of all the things this place could have dredged up, it just kept throwing fucking family in my face."

That seemed like a good place to start.

[sharp_as_knives]

"I listened to the podcasts from the radio," Hannibal answered. "One of the versions of you, you had parents."

[myownface]

When parents are mentioned, swig.

Worst drinking game ever.

"Yeah. I guess they adopted me... him... around like eight. My big sister, too. It seemed pretty cozy. All like perfect little happy family. I was... fucking stupid. I tried to call them this morning, like an idiot, like maybe some part of reality stayed fucked up and maybe they'd remember me or I'd at least get to talk to Carla or something."

Ahahaha no.

[sharp_as_knives]

"I take it that didn't go well." It wasn't even really a question; if it had gone well, they wouldn't be here. Not to mention, they had had a part of this conversation already. "But you had to be certain."

[myownface]

"Had to be certain," Sparkle agreed. "The Kirby family is still disgustingly wholesome. They just didn't have to adopt in order to have kids, in my reality. Congratulations to them for having their own perfect little daughter."

He kind of wanted to kick her in the face just for existing.

[sharp_as_knives]

"And your sister?" Hannibal asked.

[myownface]

Sparkle just hitched his shoulders up in a shrug. A few moments later, he actually relented, dabbling with one finger at the edge of his wine glass while he nerved himself up to make words.

"I haven't spoken to her or heard from her since I was a kid. We wound up in different homes, and I started getting in... you know... trouble... and maybe she got adopted or maybe she grew up and she's on her own now. She always had it more together than I did. Guess she had to. She was the oldest in a pretty fucked-up home."

And that was more than Sparkle had said on that subject in years.

"I think she was thankful when it wasn't her problem to worry about any more."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Would you want to look for her?" Hannibal asked. "Do you think it would help?"

[myownface]

Sparkle gave another shrug of his shoulders. The thought of seeing Carla again made his heart ache in the same way that thinking about Amelia did. They were both a fresh ache- losing Carla again had ripped open a hurt that had scarred over years ago.

"Dunno," he admitted. "It sucked enough when some people I never actually knew shut me down."

Sparkle was pretty sure that the only thing worse than never actually getting anywhere was trying, actually giving a shit and putting himself out there and pouring time and effort and his fucking soul into something, and then just ending up right back at square one again anyway.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Rejection is a difficult thing. Even if, as in this case, it is clearly not personal."

Perhaps he'd see for himself if he could find her. Then there was no need to get Sparkle's hopes up if she were rude enough not to want to speak to him.

[myownface]

"That's the thing," Sparkle muttered, sticking a finger into his wine because... why not. It was a distraction. He could use a distraction. "It's always personal to someone. Right now, it's pretty fucking personal to me."

Which was why he was halfway to hammered, yes.

[sharp_as_knives]

"To you, yes," Hannibal allowed. "But they aren't rejecting you on the basis of who you are. They simply don't know you. And wine is easier to drink with your mouth than your fingers," he chided. "Unless you've become a plant now."

[myownface]

"Plants have fingers?"

Sparkle knew what he meant, and removed his hand from the glass a moment later, staring at the way the wine stained his fingertip.

"It's nothing I did, for once. I guess I can feel better about that, at least."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Nothing you did or failed to do; nothing you are," Hannibal agreed. "And nothing you can do to change it," he added mildly.

He slid his handkerchief toward Sparkle, but stopped short of insisting. "There is no part of you that could have affected the outcome, and nothing to be done now. If you dwell upon it, you will only continue hurting yourself. Acknowledge it, and set it aside."

[myownface]

After another moment's pause, Sparkle reached for the handkerchief.

"If they never knew me... yeah." He nodded grudgingly as he wiped his finger clean. "Somewhere else, they knew somebody that was kind of like me, but only if you squint. But not here. Dunno how I feel about any of the people I was. If I should be jealous or angry or relieved or... what."

He'd been sick a lot. His appetite was pretty shot today for anything that didn't come out of a bottle smelling at least slightly reminiscent of turpentine.

[sharp_as_knives]

"Somewhere else, they saw the child you were and adopted him," Hannibal pointed out. "The lack in this world would seem not to be in yourself, but in your circumstances.

"And there is nothing that says you can't be all those things and more - jealous, angry, relieved, happy, grieving. The trick is to feel it all without letting it overwhelm you." He toasted him and took another sip of his wine. "Hence the one thing at a time. Choose one, work through it. Then move on. You'll never get it all at once."

[myownface]

Sparkle nodded, just the tiniest bit.

"I just... how did I have it more together as a frigging vampire than I do now? I mean, even the reality where you and I..." He tapered off, stared down at the wine glass again, and tightened his grip on Hannibal's handkerchief. "... Even there, at least I can still understand it."

He didn't want to ask about the cannibalism. He had just decided very firmly then and there, that he didn't want to know.

"But the vampire didn't give a fuck. Amelia was his pet, the island was convenient, everything that couldn't bare a pair of fangs back at him was eventually going to be meat. I shouldn't be jealous of that."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Why not?" Hannibal asked. "Life was simpler for him. He was powerful. He didn't have the worries you do. There's much that is attractive about that."

[myownface]

Sparkle shrugged.

"He was powerful. He didn't have anything to really worry about. Hell, I turned into him like a few seconds before I would've died because of a giant fucking scorpion getting me through the chest in an alley." So, you know, Hannibal's protege Sparkle was probably dead somewhere. Or would have been, if everything hadn't been undone. "He didn't really have anything to live for, either. He just kind of was. He lived for the thrill of ripping people's throats out with his teeth."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Was it enough for him?" Hannibal asked, curious. "You would want more in your life, but did he?"

[myownface]

"Dunno," Sparkle admitted, shrugging. "He was still pretty new at it. Maybe he would've gotten bored eventually. He liked having Amelia around, but he didn't... didn't care about her the same way I... you know."

He picked up the wine glass again, putting the handkerchief down between them.

"Serves me right for getting attached, I guess."

[sharp_as_knives]

"Yes," Hannibal answered. "Would you rather you hadn't?" There was no judgment either way, but you got attached and missed people, or you didn't.

[myownface]

"Wouldn't hurt so damn much right now if I didn't," Sparkle muttered. "She was my little sister, you know? Should've known better."

[sharp_as_knives]

"People often disappoint you, whether they intend it or not." Hannibal weighed how much to say, but Sparkle knew he had been an orphan himself, so.

"That version of me from France, he grew up with a family, too."