Mystery Sign Theater 3000, Wednesday Afternoon

[spin_kick_snap]

It was December now, which meant that it was officially time to get into the Christmas spirit! And Kathy could think of no better way to do that than by introducing people to some of the Christmas classics--on the big screen no less! Today, the theater was showing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Santa hat firmly on her head, Kathy was prepared to unironically enjoy 55 minutes of cheesy Claymation goodness.

"You're gonna love this," she enthused to Anders, in line for popcorn. "It's one of the best Christmas specials around! It'll explain pretty much everything you need to know about Christmas."

Except for how it wouldn't really at all. But that was okay. That's why Kathy was here!

[Kathy's here for the one mentioned, but the theater is open for anyone else who wants to see some old-timey Xmas specials!]

Comments

[not_every_mage]

Anders pushed his hat out of his face, scrunching his nose impatiently as he did. He didn't mind the hat so much, but he wished it would stay out of his eyes.

"Good, because I didn't understand it at all last year," he said, with a little laugh. "I got that somebody brings gift because somebody else was born in a manger. Which doesn't make any sense, by the way."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Which part? The getting presents bit or the being born in a manger?" Kathy asked, signaling for more butter. Even if they were only going to be here for an hour, there was no point in not trying for a snack-induced heart attack. "Because the second one was an accident, pretty much. Everywhere else was full."

[not_every_mage]

Anders watched the attendant add the butter, and tapped the case to ask for some M&Ms as well. Popcorn was just better with chocolate.

"No, I understand that," he said. "But I don't understand why one person being born means other people give gifts. We don't give presents on Andraste's birthday."

[spin_kick_snap]

Anders had an excellent point. At least about chocolate and popcorn.

"But think of how much better her birthday would be if you did," Kathy suggested cheerfully. Though Anders had asked a real question and deserved a real answer for it. "My guess though is it's a mix of reasons. The story of Jesus's birth involve three wise men traveling from afar to find him and giving him gifts once they got there. Also, when Christianity was spreading, they coopted a lot of pagan celebrations to make it people want to convert. Odds are good that at least some of the midwinter holidays it incorporated involved gift-giving, so early Christians were just, 'Oh, you give presents? Cool, cool, we do that too, but to celebrate Christ not the pagan goddess Wulfa.'" She dimpled at him. "Christians. We're just like you."

[not_every_mage]

"Convert everybody by stealing their best traditions," Anders said, half-serious. "I like it. I'll have to borrow that when I start my religion. And the presents part,of course."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Don't let Cassandra hear you say that," Kathy teased, snacks in hand and heading towards the screening area. The movie was scheduled to start in less than five minutes and heaven forbid Anders miss a single frame. "I mean, not unless your plan is to make your getaway while the heart attack hits."

[not_every_mage]

Anders snickered. "She doesn't need to worry. I'm too lazy to start a religion anyhow. Though pretending I want to could be funny."

He snuck some popcorn from the bucket as they slid into a pair of seats toward the middle-front of the theater.

[spin_kick_snap]

"I think you should," Kathy said, putting her feet on the back of the chair in front of her. Like a rebel. "But make sure I'm there to trip her up as you make your getaway."

[not_every_mage]

"You've always been my hero," Anders sighed easily, slouching lower in his seat. He opened the M&Ms to shake them into the popcorn. "So what exactly are we going to see, anyhow?"

[spin_kick_snap]

Kathy reached over to snag a handful as soon as Anders was done adding the candy. "A movie about a reindeer!" she said with far more enthusiasm than might have been appropriate for that description. "And an elf that wants to be a dentist! And a miner and the abominable snowman!"

Beat.

"It makes more sense when you watch it."

[not_every_mage]

"I'll take your word for it" Anders decided. "Why can't the elf be a dentist if he wants to be? They have teeth."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Because all the elves have to work in Santa's toy workshops," Kathy explained. "Making toys for all the good boys and girls throughout the year."

[not_every_mage]

Anders looked at her as if she'd sprouted a second head. "So the elves are slaves? And this is a story for children?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"No, they're not--" Kathy hadn't thought of it like that, but she couldn't pull up any evidence to the contrary. "Hmm."

Well. This was interesting.

[not_every_mage]

"Well, if they have to make toys all the time and they don't get a choice, it certainly sounds like slavery to me," Anders noted, and grabbed a handful of candied popcorn. "Are you going to worry about the elves now?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Honestly, Anders," Kathy sniffed. "They're imaginary, it would be ridiculous to get all worried about them."

There was a long pause.

"...Okay, yeah. Yeah I am."

He'd called it.

[not_every_mage]

"I won't laugh at you," Anders said generously. "It's very sweet of you to care so much about the imaginary elven slaves."

[OOC: Sorry! It helps when I hit post.]

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're very kind and not at all condescending," Kathy said, sticking her tongue out at him. "Maybe they just need someone to write a few treaties delineating their rights."

[No worries! I straight up fell asleep early last night anyway!]

[not_every_mage]

"And who would they get to enforce the treaties?" Anders wanted to know. "They'd need a true revolution to rise up and protest the shackles of Santa's tyranny."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Well, the bumbles might help," Kathy said. She tapped her chin in thought. "Maybe some of the other holiday denizens? I mean, someone has to be upset that Santa is using sweat shops to make toys for children."

This was not the "true meaning of Christmas" Kathy had been hoping for Anders to learn.

[not_every_mage]

"It's easy to ignore things when it doesn't affect you," Anders said grimly. "But maybe if the elves talked about it more, people would catch on. Also, what's a bumble?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"You'll see once the movies get going," Kathy said, hand reaching for his. She hadn't meant for this to upset him/ "And now I'm picturing Herbie leading an army of bumbles all commando-style. I'd read that fic."

[not_every_mage]

"Maybe I'll write it once the movie is over," Anders answered, clearly not that upset. "You know. Once I understand the spirit of Christmas and all of that."

[spin_kick_snap]

TRAUMATIZED. ANDERS WAS PROBABLY TRAUMATIZED.

"It's a very complicated concept," Kathy assured him. "Fortunately, it's able to be summarized in one fifty-five minute claymation movie." She nudged him as the screen was filled with spinning newspapers. "Be sure to read the headlines. They're relevant to the plot."

[not_every_mage]

Anders nodded, watching the headlines spin as he munched on more popcorn. Movies were still enough of a novelty for him that he got lost in the story fairly quickly, and was soon 'awww'ing at wee baby Rudolph.

He had a red nose. The movie's title was accurate.

[spin_kick_snap]

They weren't really going for subtlety here.

And even though she'd seen it a thousand times, Kathy couldn't help making distressed noises when the bullying started. She kept hoping that the next time she watched it, they'd be more accepting and understanding from the start.

Kathy was the softest soft touch ever. "So mean," she whispered more to herself than Anders.

[not_every_mage]

"And they're very stuck on what color nose a reindeer should have," Anders noted quietly. "Oh, look, the girl's being nice to him. Thank goodness someone is."

[spin_kick_snap]

"Wish his dad was," Kathy grumbled. "Don't worry, though. He'll show them. He'll show them all."

[not_every_mage]

Anders squeezed Kathy's hand briefly. "Identifying with the reindeer a little bit?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Not exactly," Kathy said. "I just like rooting for the underdog. Reindeer. The under-reindeer. Finding acceptance after being judged is a major theme of the movie."

Watch her get sniffly at the Island of Misfit Toys. Just watch.

[not_every_mage]

"It's like the story is made for us," Anders said, with a slow smile, before he got distracted by something on the screen. "-- oh,is that the elf who wants to be a dentist?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Yup! You can tell he's important, because he's not identical to all the other elves. He has hair." She shook her head as he started getting literally shamed by all the other elves at the table. "So...yeah. Not your kind of elves, thank goodness."

[not_every_mage]

"No, they look more like dwarves with pointy ears," Anders agreed.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Not enough beards," Kathy declared with the full confidence of someone who'd met exactly one dwarf in her entire life. "Goatees don't cut it."

[not_every_mage]

"Some of the surface dwarves at home shave," Anders informed her. "But they usually aren't this, er, cheerful."

[spin_kick_snap]

Because they had impressive chest hair to make up for it.

"What does Thorin think of that?" Kathy asked, trying not to grin. "The shaving, I mean. Not the comparative cheerfulness."

[not_every_mage]

"Somehow I've never brought it up with him," Anders admitted with a smile. "Do you think I should?"

[spin_kick_snap]

"Absolutely," Kathy declared. "I think he'd appreciate the cultural input. Maybe he could even take it a a suggestion."

[not_every_mage]

"He's probably think I was trying to flirt," Anders said, then considered it. "Or that I'd gone mad. Or, most likely, both."

[spin_kick_snap]

"You're not giving me any good reasons why I shouldn't be encouraging this," Kathy told him. "Just the opposite, really. I'd love to see Thorin responding to what he thinks s flirtation. Or madness. Or both."

[not_every_mage]

"You're welcome to flirt with him and find out anytime," Anders suggested generously, as he scooped up another handful of popcorn.

[spin_kick_snap]

"We don't have that kind of relationship," Kathy said, shaking her head in mock-regret. "Pretty sure it's up to you for this one. Don't worry, though, Anders. I believe in you."

[not_every_mage]

"And I believe you've got some very interesting ideas about what kind of relationship I have with Thorin," Anders laughed.

[spin_kick_snap]

"Well, he actually likes you, so still a better one than I do," Kathy said, helping herself to more popcorn.

[not_every_mage]

"Why doesn't he like you?" Anders wondered. "Or do you just mean he doesn't really know you?"

He was more interested in the conversation than the movie. He might never learn the true meaning of Christmas at this rate.

[spin_kick_snap]

But then how would he understaaaaaand? Christmas was important!

"I guess both?" Kathy said. "We've had a few conversations and we seemed to get off on the wrong foot, sooo..." She shrugged. "It looks like discussions on dwarf-shaving are all up to you."