Devil's Nest, Monday

[arboreal_priestess]

"No, Tiny," Verity said sternly. "I don't care how good you are at healing. You're not going outside during the eclipse, even though it'll be dark. It's not going to be that dark. We're, like, three hundred miles north of the 'cone of totality.'" She wasn't entirely sure why she had to explain this. Again.

Probably so she didn't get stuck sweeping up the ashes of her ex-coworker.

"And no, a pair of shot glasses taped together don't count as 'eclipse glasses,'" she added. "How the hell did you live this long, exactly?"

The bar was open, shark-free, with an exasperated bartender.

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25% off your drinks as long as you don't mention the eclipse

[OCD free]

Comments

[texted3times]

"I went outside and didn't catch fire!"

Shhh, Eric loved eclipses.

[arboreal_priestess]

Immediately, Tiny started whining behind the bar. "Now look what you did," Verity said, throwing her hands up in the air. "I'm never going to hear the end of it now."

[texted3times]

"Don't you like science, Verity?" Eric asked.

[arboreal_priestess]

"Not enough to have to vacuum Tiny out of the rug," Verity retorted.

[texted3times]

"If Tiny really wants to go outside and explode, we'll just keep the doors closed so that the dust doesn't come in," Eric said.

What an amazingly caring boss Eric was.

[arboreal_priestess]

And Verity was such a compassionate coworker! "But then who will I send to mop the bathroom floors?"

[texted3times]

"We could poach a new employee from the Perk," Eric said.

[arboreal_priestess]

"...How literally do you mean poach?" Verity checked.

[texted3times]

"...I will probably not cook them in a small amount of water, but I'm not above grabbing them with a giant net as they leave the coffee shop?" Eric replied.

[arboreal_priestess]

She needed to check, okay? She'd met Eric.

"That reminds me of hide and seek when I was a kid," Verity said with a fond smile. Look, they'd played for keeps in the Price home. "Do I wanna know how much experience you have with rigging net traps?"

Basically, was this going to be one of her jobs?

[texted3times]

Eric looked shifty. Er. Shiftier.

"I've had some, but it's been centuries," he said finally. "I preferred more civilized ways of catching my prey."

[arboreal_priestess]

"Offers of drinks and dancing?" Verity asked with an amused grin. "If you need a refresher sometime, I've got you."

[texted3times]

"Why do you think I own several bars?" he said, grinning toothily. "This is so much easier. The suckers come to me."

[arboreal_priestess]

"And they say romance is dead," Verity said wryly.

[texted3times]

"They're not wrong," Eric said. "I've seen some fucked-up things done in the name of love."

[arboreal_priestess]

"My grandma runs through various Hell dimensions looking for my grandpa," Verity said. "You don't have to tell me twice."

Though she still kinda thought it was romantic. Stupid, but romantic. Shh.

"HAIL THE NOISY PRIESTESS!" the Aeslin mouse accompanying her said from her handbag. "HAIL!"

[texted3times]

"Your purse is talking," Eric said, staring at it.

[arboreal_priestess]

"It does that sometimes," Verity said, betting he wouldn't accept that, but willing to try anyway.

[texted3times]

Eric arched up one of his eyebrows. "Care to try that explanation again?"

[arboreal_priestess]

"It does that sometimes....sir?" Verity said, way too cheekily to be able to pull that off.

[texted3times]

Eric snorted--a clear affectation for someone who didn't breathe. "No."

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity sighed and opened her purse. There was a moment where nothing moved and then a mouse crept out to the edge of the it and looked out at Eric fearfully.

"It's okay," Verity urged, holding her hand out. "You can come out, he won't hurt you."

The mouse scurried onto Verity's hand and gave her a bow. It was wearing clothing embellished with feathers and beads and bits of fur. It bowed to Verity, "As you say, Priestess" before turning to Eric and prostrating itself on her hand. "HAIL THE TWO-LEGGED PREDATOR!"

[texted3times]

Eric preened. "Well, at least it shows good taste."

He paused. "I'm not sure why it's a talking rodent, though. Does it know the radio squirrels?"

[arboreal_priestess]

"They talk," Verity said, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "This is Cha-cha, an Aeslin mouse. He's part of the splinter colony that accompanied me here to, uhh..." She tried to figure out a way to word this.

"Chronicle the life of the Arboreal Priestess!" Cha-cha piped up eagerly. "HAIL!"

"...Yeah, that."

[texted3times]

Eric burst out laughing. "So the squirrels were actually a normal thing for you."

[arboreal_priestess]

"I don't have to buy them baked goods for their religious observances and those don't revolve around me and my family," Verity said dryly. "Dealing with the squirrels was a goddamned--"

She glanced down at Cha-cha, swallowed, and very obviously adjusted what she was going to say. "--easy thing to get used to."

[texted3times]

"I'm supposed to provide you with baked goods?" Eric replied, grinning toothily.

[arboreal_priestess]

"That's not another reason to kidnap some poor sucker from the Perk or JGoB," Verity told him. "But all mice rituals involve food, especially the Sacred Invocation of Food fir Privacy."

"CHEESE AND CAKE!" the mouse squeaked.

"Yes, cheese and cake," Verity said fondly. "But I'm not invoking privacy right now, so there's no cheese or cake here."

The mice's side of the fridge was way better stocked than Verity's.

[texted3times]

"Only marshmallow vodka," Eric said, frowning at the bottles Tiny was holding up. "Who the fuck ordered that?"

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity pointed at Tiny. "He ordered like cases of those," she said. "I figured it was some weird vampire thing I didn't understand."

[texted3times]

Eric made a face. "I don't drink that. I drink Southern Comfort with my blood."

Because that's much more normal.

[arboreal_priestess]

Verity was also making a face. "I mean for him," she said, jerking her thumb at Tiny. Who was suddenly looking a little nervous. "To drink with his blood."

[texted3times]

Eric burst out laughing. "Tiny's not a vampire."

[arboreal_priestess]

"He's--he's not?!" Verity asked, whipping her head around to glare at Tiny.

Who was wearing a definite 'busted' expression.

"He said he was! That was why he couldn't go outside to wash the windows!"

[texted3times]

Eric laughed even harder. "And you believed him?"

[arboreal_priestess]

"Well...I don't know what he is!" Verity sputtered. "And it seemed rude to doubt! We're in a dimensional nexus! I just figured there was a dimension out there made up of completely rubbish vampires!"

[texted3times]

"Oh, there are," Eric said gleefully. "There's some that apparently fucking sparkle in the sunlight. Tiny, did you tell her you sparkle?"

[arboreal_priestess]

The bartender shook his head, managing to look sheepish and proud of himself all at the same time.

"I've been arguing with him all day to make sure he didn't go running into the daylight and catch himself on fire!"

[texted3times]

There were tears in Eric's eyes (made of blood, so, ew) as he continued to laugh.

"Tiny, you're getting a raise."

[arboreal_priestess]

"And a punch to the throat," Verity mumbled.

[texted3times]

Eric snorted. "He deserves both."

[arboreal_priestess]

Kathy eyed Tiny. "He's definitely getting one."

She was legitimately short and Tiny was huge, which meant she'd have to get him in the solar plexus so he'd bend over and expose that throat to her, but she wasn't feeling all that fussed about the idea of hitting him twice.