The Perk, Wednesday Morning

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan was not nearly awake enough for this. He'd stumbled getting out of bed this morning, tripping over the dog and taking an uncoordinated header across the room. Which would have been bad enough, except for the Kanan-shaped hole that he'd left behind in the bedroom wall.

That had been... new.

He figured he hadn't had enough caffeine to get him through the day, and after a spill like that he didn't trust himself with the caf maker, so he set out to the Perk so that they could take care of it for him.

On the way, he'd barely avoided being run over by a train coming from a tunnel that had been painted on a brick wall, had been almost crushed by not one, but three falling pianos (thank the Force for... the Force), and had stepped in a puddle that three other people had walked through with no issue, only to find himself up to his chin in water.

"Today would be a good day to go terrorize the Empire instead of sticking around here," he muttered to the bemused barista before ordering something very caffeinated. He didn't care what, but he wasn't going to make it through the day without it. And then, wet boots squishing as he walked, he made his way to a seat near the window, where he sat back and eyed the town skeptically.

Just as he raised his cup to drink, a gremlin came flying to hit the window with a splat, and then slid down to fall on the ground outside, harmlessly.

[OOC: RIGHT THAT WAS TODAY. Open!]

Comments

[what_the_shock]

Miguel watched the gremlin splat and turn totally flat against the glass, then...well, run down the glass rather than fall back.

He edged around it slowly, somehow ending up on the very tips of his toes as he made his way to the door.

Okay, this was officially weird.

Fortunately the coffee was coffee and Kanan seemed to be Kanan, so Miguel got a cup and went to sit by him. "Do I want to know what's going on today?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Fandom," Kanan offered. "That's about the best I've got. So far I know you can trust the coffee, though I've seen no fewer than three spit-takes into people's faces since I sat down all of five minutes ago, so please at least try to keep that in your mouth if something surprises you, huh?"

He could dream.

[what_the_shock]

"I'll do my best," Miguel promised. "That'd be a waste of coffee."

Which he was drinking slightly suspiciously now anyway, but it did seem fine.

"So how've you been lately?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Lately? Not too many complaints. I think our boss is convinced that I'm being too judgmental of your planet based on the fact that he made weird faces over some sentient birds, and I have a dog who's afraid of ducks now, but things have been mostly uneventful otherwise. How about you?"

He raised his coffee and took a drink. So far, no spit-take.

[what_the_shock]

"Wait, so...sentient ducks made your dog afraid and Eliot thinks you're being judgmental of them?" Miguel was confused. "Why did they do it?"

[uncertain_dume]

"Two separate set of birds," Kanan replied, shaking his head. "Regular ducks ganged up on Stance at the park. Eliot had trouble processing a bird family reunion at one of his diner tables. The ducks attacked him because he likes to chase them. Eliot just thinks sentient birds are an oddity, even after living on the island for so long."

Kanan shrugged.

"I don't know these things. I read notes written by tiny rodents every Monday morning."

[what_the_shock]

Miguel parsed all that and shrugged. "Well, regular birds aren't usually sentient on Earth. But yeah, neither are squirrels. As long as they pay for their food and don't shed too many feathers all over the diner, what's the problem? Hope Stance is doing okay, though I can't really blame the ducks."

[uncertain_dume]

"I dunno," Kanan replied. "I mean, I do know about Stance. He'll be fine. I don't think he's a fan of the park anymore, though. He fell in the pond on Friday and made a running leap at me trying to escape. But Eliot... it feels like all of a sudden he's got something to prove. Took me to this bar so we could get in fights and everything."

He reached up to scratch his chin, looking thoughtful.

"I mean, he does know I actually mean it affectionately when I call this planet cute, right? I know it's not Earth's fault I showed up here in an era without reliable space travel. And I really am figuring out what the upper limit to Earth's non-human species' intelligence is. I didn't think the birds should have seemed odd."

[what_the_shock]

"I'm not sure humans have figured out the upper limit to other species' intelligence," Miguel confessed. "Not to mention there's enough variation in our own species it can be hard to figure out. There's at least one girl here who can look like a bird." He'd gotten dive-bombed meeting her.

"Anyway, what does getting in a bar fight prove? That we've got aggressive assholes around? Not exactly what I'd call one of Earth's stand-out attributes."

[uncertain_dume]

Kanan shrugged. He'd met the bird girl, too. They'd bonded over killing non-human things. It had been kind of nice.

"A bar's a bar," he agreed. "I suppose he could just be getting antsy, too. Fandom hasn't been what I'd call exciting, lately."

He glanced out the window.

"Strange, sure. Exciting? Not really."

[what_the_shock]

A gremlin ran by the window, chased by a squirrel.

As soon as they were out of sight, the squirrel ran back the other direction, chased by the gremlin.

Gremlin - squirrel.

Squirrel - gremlin.

"It's certainly...something," Miguel admitted.

[uncertain_dume]

"They don't, uh, usually do that," Kanan observed, watching them go by again. This time, the squirrel had procured a large mallet. "Or that."

Fandom, what were you up to today?

[what_the_shock]

"Do you think someone ought to stop them?"

The mallet was gone now and the gremlin had an axe.

"Someone else, that is."

[futurespacemom]

Things in the junkyard today were piled in weird shapes that defied gravity, and Hera had backed away slowly and headed back home.

Where there was a distinctly Kanan-shaped hole in the wall.

So she was calling him up to find out what was going on.

[uncertain_dume]

"It isn't my fault."

Most people answered the comm with Hello, Kanan.

[futurespacemom]

Hera rolled her eyes. "I hadn't said anything yet."

[uncertain_dume]

"Well, then say it so that I can tell you it isn't my fault," Kanan replied easily. "I figured I'd save you a step."

[futurespacemom]

"O-kay...why is there a hole shaped exactly like you in the wall? How is it there? Did you just decide to carve a you-shaped hole?"

[uncertain_dume]

"I tripped over the dog," Kanan explained, "and physics seem to be broken today."

That... that was the best he had.

"It's not my fault. But if there is still a hole shaped exactly like me tomorrow," ponytail and all, "I'll fix it myself."

[futurespacemom]

Hera sighed. "Yeah, gravity's not working at the scrapyard, either. We'll wait and see if it fixes itself. You're okay, though?"

[uncertain_dume]

"I'm fine," Kanan promised. "A little soggy, but that came after. And I'm pretty sure the gremlins are out to get me. You might want to keep an eye out for those, too."

[futurespacemom]

"Got it. And meanwhile I'll just drape a sheet or something over the wall if we...huh."

She stopped, surprised.

[uncertain_dume]

"If we huh?"

That was not how Kanan had figured that line would end.

"What huh?"

[futurespacemom]

"I was trying to drape a sheet over it," Hera said. "It covered the hole, but then it fell down, and now there's no hole anymore."

That was one way to fix it.

[uncertain_dume]

"... Huh."

Kanan took a mouthful of his coffee.

"I can live with that."