Caritas, Friday Evening

[built_fjord_tough]

Apparently the band had gotten wind of Fjord's little danger shop mishap from earlier in the week. He wasn't sure how, and they certainly weren't telling him, but they were standing there on the stage decked out in fancy pirate garb and only wanted to play through the track listing of The Pirates of Penzance through his entire shift.

It had taken Fjord the better part of twenty minutes to get Tino to confess to putting them up to it. But when asked why, he only vaguely and mysteriously said that he would much rather focus on someone else's unfortunate Tuesday, thanks.

Someday, Fjord would figure out how to listen to the radio, and he'd actually get to know about things like unfortunate gremlin bites.

Today was not that day.

[OOC: Open!]

Comments

[special_rabbit]

Amaya took maybe two steps into the bar before she realized that, wait a second, she recognized that music, and she just about nearly pulled a Rosa and turned right back around to walk right back out that door (partially just because she could), but it was Friday, and she'd put in a hard day's work, and she'd been looking forward to having an ale or two without being a bunny far too much to be dissuaded by...

...she couldn't even feel like she should call it pirate music. She grew up around pirates. She would never insult them like that.

She was going to give a dubious look at the stage, though, as she passed by on her way to the bar, a dubious look that remained solidly on her face once she got there with a very uncertain, faintly concerned, "'Evening, Fjord..."

[built_fjord_tough]

"Evenin', Amaya," Fjord said with the long-suffering tone of a man who had already listened to four attempts at Modern Major-General only to have them all cut short by unfortunate dropping limb incidents, and he was considering dipping into the ale, himself. "Your usual for today?"

[special_rabbit]

Oof. Now that was the sound of a man who was on the wrong side of the bar, and the tilt of Amaya's faint smile went sympathetic. "The usual for today," she agreed with a nod, "though I think I'll skip the saucer this week."

Her nose wrinkled a little at a particularly...enthusiastic swell of the music just then. "And maybe pour a little something for yourself, while you're at it, too," she added.

[built_fjord_tough]

"On it," Fjord reported, pouring her drink - in a glass - and then making a reach for a second glass for himself. "Remind me we presumably like Tino, would you? And I'm not supposed to stuff him into a supply closet."

[special_rabbit]

"Do we presumably like Tino?" Amaya asked emphatically. "That's news to me. And I'm pretty sure if you did stuff him into a supply closet, even the supply closet would spit him right back out again. Oi! You hear that, Tino? I bet if you fell down an abandoned well, the dragon that'd been stuck down there would still shake his head and say, 'Oh, no, thanks, you guys. I'm not really even that hungry.'"

Look, she had a soft spot in her heart for hurling insults at Tino, and it really had been far too long, and when you saw an opportunity, you seized it.

"He's behind all this, then, is he?" she asked Fjord before volleying another out. "Better behind than in front, though; that way none of us'll have look at him!"

[built_fjord_tough]

"Well, I like employment more than I like Tino," Fjord admitted, scratching his chin in thought. "I get the feeling Kitty might have a protest or two over the possibility of me stuffing Tino into a closet, tempting as it is. Especially since it is his fault. He's the one that put 'em up to it, anyway."

[biotic_psychotic]

Jack rocked on in to the bar and paused when she heard the music. Then she cackled and began singing.

"I am the very model of a scientist salarian,
I've studied species Turian, Asari, and Batarian.
I'm quite good at genetics (as a subset of biology)
because i am an expert (which i know is a tautology).
My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian,
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian.

In four directions cardinal I know the blot routine-ry
I problem-solve with tools and guns and even farm machinery.
I'll sing your genome base to base, the T the A the C and G
I'll solve your ailments be you sick or stroking out or seizure-y

He'll solve your ailments be you sick or stroking out or seizure-y

My knowledge is prodigious though I'm stuffy and professor-y
I'm fluent in the Vorcha tongue and Hanar luminescer-y
My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian!

His xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian
He is the very model of a scientist Salarian!

While you're still eating breakfast I am studying catalysis
My ideal date would finish with statistical analysis
I've mastered optic instruments, reflective and refractory
I don't begrudge the Quarians their hypochondriact-ery

I've memorized - eidetic - all my patients' anamanesises
I've written papers, scores and scores, and that's not counting thesises!
I'll toxify my enemies with nary an apology
Then spend my weekends brushing up on Elcor enzymology

He spends his weekends brushing up on Elcor enzymology!

When I complete a surgery I sign my name in suturing
I've cut up more Batarians than Torfan's famous butchering!
If knowledge is a library than I'm its king librarian
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian!

If knowledge is a library than he's its king librarian
He is the very model of a scientist Salarian!

When I know all the acids be they levo, dextro rotamers
When I tell your Asari child her genes are only sort of yours
When I read all the theories that my colleagues find heretical
When I know all the finer points of therapies genetical
When I could still cure cancer with my brain just halfway functioning
When I can fix mutating cells, the point, the nondisjunctioning!
In short, when I've a smattering of transgenetic strategy
You'll say another scientist has never yet been half of me!

You'll say another scientist has never yet been half of him!

Though my skeptics call me mad and though they always try to censure me
And even though I'm lucky if I live just half a century
Even on my offdays I'd outdo the best Noverian
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian!

Even on his offdays he'd outdo the best Noverian
He is the very model of a scientist SalaaaarrrriiiiiiiiAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!"

She took a deep breath after she was done with that last ha Shepard tone and blurted, "Fuck. Now I miss my favorite Salarian shithead. Fjord, whiskey in memory of the best damned Salarian scientist in my galaxy!"

[Canon song here. Extra lyrics gleefully stolen from fanfic here. LOOK I COULDN'T PASS THIS UP.]

[built_fjord_tough]

"Whiskey it is," Fjord replied dutifully, reaching for the usual and pouring... two. One for her, one for himself. 'Whiskey in memory of' was best drank in company, after all. "You got anything you wanna say, or you gonna just knock it back?"

[biotic_psychotic]

"This one's getting knocked right the fuck back," Jack said and did as described, tearing it down in one swallow before she pushed the glass back across to Fjord for a refill.

"Guy was a genius. Like a legit, motherfucking, Grade A genius. Salarians don't live all that long. Like the song? If they reached 50 that's like.. 200 for a human. Where I'm from, humans only get about 150 and that's if they do everything right and ain't, y'know, shot at and shit. Mordin Solus was 50 and in the half-century he had he did some amazing shit. Didn't die of old age, neither. He died making sure the cure for the fucking genophage got dispersed." Jack paused and squinted at the ceiling. Right, Fjord wasn't from tech. "Genophage is like... It's mutation damage, right? Only it wasn't goddamn natural. One race built it and set this fucking biological warfare loose on another species to cut their birth rate down to nothing. Every fucking one of them was infected with it. Mordin fucking cured it in one goddamn year. Died making sure the cure went into the atmosphere of the planet so it'd hit everyone, you know?"

She left out the part about how Mordin had been able to do that because he'd had the original genome of the genophage and had been instrumental in adapting it when the Krogan started to evolve and overcome it. He was dead. He didn't need to be hated for that. Not by people never met him.

"Building was on fire. We all knew it was gonna blow. He went in anyway, wouldn't let any of us take it. 'Had to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong.'"

[built_fjord_tough]

Fjord looked thoughtful, nodding and reaching to fill her drink again. There was a lot to process in that. Words he didn't really comprehend, lifespans that, by human standards, were beyond the pale.

"Sounds like a hell of a guy," he offered. Nothing else seemed appropriate, really.

[biotic_psychotic]

"He was," Jack confirmed, taking the second drink with a nod of thanks and working it more slowly. "Usually I can't fucking stand Salarians. They're hyper little shits. Not that Mordin wasn't hyper because goddamn. He never stopped talking or moving or.. He was more Salarian than most. I still liked him, though. He was.. "

Kind, Jack. The word you're looking for is kind.

"Decent."

That word worked, too.

[built_fjord_tough]

"Short lives, gotta fit a whole hell of a lot more in there," Fjord mused. Most half-orcs got maybe seventy-five years if they were lucky. He could appreciate having to live fast, embrace what came at you. "Sounds like he did it right. Good on 'im."

[biotic_psychotic]

Jack nodded agreeably, "Yeah. I get that too. It ain't like I'm gonna reach granny-age. Never fucking expected to reach the age I got."

She was 26.

[built_fjord_tough]

Hey, living hard had the same effect. Fjord could appreciate that.

"Well, you ever make it to my ripe ol' age," of like thirty-something, "I'll throw you the party myself."

[biotic_psychotic]

"Your license says 36," Jack reminded him and pulled a face, "Man, that's like a decade." So old. Her head cocked to the side while she considered that. "Huh. Wonder if we'll both still be hangin' around this fucking place."

[built_fjord_tough]

"At the rate I'm goin' I'll probably be here until I die of old age," Fjord sighed. "Still no fuckin' clue how to get home as it is."

[biotic_psychotic]

"What is up with the gnomes pulling that shit on people?" Jack scowled. "I can't figure for why."

Sipped her whiskey and said with a smile, "In Seivarden's case, it's probably a public goddamn service to her home galaxy."

Meow.

[built_fjord_tough]

Fjord gave a soft, amused snort in reply to that.

"Hell if I know if it was the gnomes or not. I didn't get here by portal as far as I'm aware. Just kinda washed up on the beach one day." A pause. "Which was a hell of a trick, since I went to sleep that night in the mountains."

[biotic_psychotic]

"Kaidan didn't either," Jack said, "He was on a shuttle tryin' to go home and he thought there was some sort of.." Fjord would not understand, "He thought it was some sort of accident. I saw one open and came through that one weekend I was here but I didn't know what it was. Figured it for some fucking anomaly in space."

She sipped her whiskey and grimaced. "It's always the fucking gnomes somehow. Little shits."

[built_fjord_tough]

Fjord smiled wryly.

"We try not to blame an entire group of people for that sort of thing back home," he noted. "But hell, I'd appreciate it if they managed to figure out how to reverse my being stuck here anyway."

[biotic_psychotic]

"I don't blame their whole race," Jack explained, "It's just all what's staffing Portalocity. I mean those little gnome shits in particular."

[built_fjord_tough]

"Oh. Well, those little fuckers can all line up to get their asses kicked if anyone finds out they're directly at fault for them bein' trapped on the island."

A beat.

"With Seivarden."

Catty, Fjord.

[biotic_psychotic]

Jack laughed. "That's a fair point," she acknowledged. "She still being her sunny, sunny self? Saw her at Liam's party last night. Looked like she was tryin' to give you the cold shoulder."

She oozed, positively ooozed sympathy. "I'm sure your feelings were so very hurt."

[built_fjord_tough]

"I tried to bore a hole in her thick head on Monday at movie night," Fjord replied, smirking faintly. "Funny, starin's less fun when she's the one bein' stared at."

[biotic_psychotic]

Jack smirked. "And here I was thinking you tried that with a chisel," she said cheerfully, "Might've worked. Might've chipped the chisel."

[built_fjord_tough]

"I respect chisels too much," Fjord deadpanned.

... It was not untrue.

[biotic_psychotic]

"...but not your eyes?" Jack asked with a tiny smirk, "At least she didn't assume you were checking her out?"

You're welcome.

[built_fjord_tough]

"Ugh," Fjord intoned, wrinkling his nose. "No, trust me, it's pretty fuckin' easy to tell the difference, there."

One involved a definite air of murder about it.

[biotic_psychotic]

Jack chuckled and acknowledged, "Sure, if you weren't tryin' at all to be polite, I could see it. I'm the other way around. I usually gotta try to make my face do somethin' other than tell people they're one wrong word away from a knife to the guts."

Some people have resting bitch face.

Jack's didn't take time off.

[built_fjord_tough]

"That why she's so freaked out about you?"

Was Fjord grinning?

Fjord was absolutely grinning.