fandomtownies | Dite's Decadent Delights, Friday

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Dite's Decadent Delights, Friday

After a good day of lecture and discussion yesterday, Kathy was back in the brick-and-mortar Dite's today. The weather had her energized and now it was time for some spring cleaning - much needed considering how long the building had been shut up. The late spring air was nice enough that she had the door propped open, with retro pop spilling out of it. Right now Kathy was dancing with a mop to Elton John's I'm Still Standing, doing the choreography in the video as she made her way across the store, possibly with some Risky Business thrown in for good measure.

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time...

"Ronin, to you for the solo!"

Ronin, chewing on his toy from the other week, just huffed at his owner like she was a weirdo and remained flopped down on his doggy bed.

"Your loss!" she declared, continuing her dance down one of the aisles.

Dite's was open, if not particularly sexy.

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...It's pretty easy to find her, even if she's out of sight.

Look, a mop is a great combination mic/guitar/and dance partner. Don't judge

Jaskier clearly could not judge such things! Okay, he technically could, but he'd let it slide because she was cute.

"Well, hello there."

The business had 'decadent' and 'delights' in the title. You bet your ass he had to go in to check it out.

And surprise! It was a store devoted to sexual heath and pleasure! Which was a way classier way of saying 'sex toys and porn.'

Kathy spun around, mop going from dance partner to potential weapon in that short span of time, taking a few defensive steps backwards until she saw who it was.

Or rather, who it wasn't - a potential customer, not an immediate threat.

Which was when the flush came, yup, as she realized how she'd probably looked when he'd walked in. "Well, hello there yourself," she said, pretending like she wasn't bright red and had been ready to bean him with a mop just an instant ago. "Welcome to Dite's."

Oh god!

Jaskier sort of scuttled back a little because his face was far too pretty to be hit. "Get a lot of unruly customers?"

"Not so much the people I'm worried about," Kathy said, setting the mop down to show she meant him no harm. "You probably haven't been here long enough to find out yet, but sometimes the island gets attacked and invaded and it's just a whole mess."

Kathy had missed the Krampus. No way in hell was she coming out for a winter picnic.

"Well," Jaskier said, making a face like he was considering how to word it properly. "I didget captured by a goat man here once. And I know it sounds like maybe I was just returning for more. A glutton for punishment. But my return was but a coincidence."

"Kidnapped by the island?" Kathy asked, sympathetically.

It was a distressingly common thing.

"Also, hi. I'm Kathy. Welcome to Dite's Decadent Delights, where our business is your pleasure." Because right! Manners!

"You may call me Jaskier," he replied, eagerly going back in now that his pretty, pretty face was safe from harm. "And that is a business I can get behind."

Kathy waved to the store, all two floors of it. "Whatever you're interested in, odds are we have it," she said. "On the off-chance we don't, our online store almost certainly will."

...She had no idea if Jaskier had been introduced to the internet yet. Appearance said no, but this was Fandom and appearances were dirty, dirty liars.

"On what now?" He found out about a Discman and it blew his fucking mind, Kathy.

"Ah, haven't learned about the internet yet?" Oh no! If she taught him about that, he'd learn that porn was free!

Argh, stupid do-gooding personality.

"If you get a phone," she said, reaching for hers from where it was still blasting tunes (this time, 90s R&B with some En Vogue), "you can use it to get online. And there you have access to all sorts of goods, services, and information."

She brought up Dite's webpage (www.triple-Ds.com) and handed the phone over. "See, more stuff than I could ever fit in here." Including a Members-Only section!

For porn.

Sure, introduce him to modern porn! You fiend, you.

Jaskier accepted the phone with an amused look before he started looking it over. "Huh."

Well, now you were just never getting it back.

Hey now! That was her phone and she had a LOT of pictures on it that she was not about to let just anyone see.

"And there are uncountable different sites just like that out there," she explained, not yet aware she was going to have to fight for her phone. "Or about any other topic you could think of."

"Huh." He might give it back if she helped him find one of his own! But, you know, hostage situation here. "Perhaps I could stay here just a bit longer than I intended."

Not just for the porn. Maybe.

"What about music? Is there also some sort of.. Discman on this?"

He'd been exposed to the Spice Girls. It had been amazing.

Dammit, Jaskier!

"Oh, way better than a Discman," Kathy scoffed with the full arrogance of someone who had been born around the time they were going obsolete. "So much more music and a way better format for playing them. A Discman plays one CD's worth of songs. The internet holds millions."

Look, he'd been talking to Tahani. Who thought she was just ahead of the game and not dressing like a VSCO girl.

"Now that I would like to see," he said with absolutely puppy-like enthusiasm.

This would be a perfect opportunity for Kathy to reclaim her phone, but noooooo she had to be helpful.

"Tap the x on the top right of the screen," she said, smiling. "And then when it goes away, look for the icon of green circle with three curved lines on it."

Oh, Kathy. His phone now.

"Tap the x--Oh, look at that!" He tapped again, squinting at that sweet, sweet Spotify app. "What should I pick?"

If it wasn't Carly Rae Jepsen, you were wrong.

There were too many naked pictures of people on that device for her to ever let it go without a fight.

"Oh god, I so much music to pick from," Kathy said, laughing. "K-pop, J-pop, regular pop, country, numetal, black metal, rock, R&B...Oooh! Type in Baby One More Time!"

Jaskier nodded along like those held any meaning to him! He frowned, poking at things until letters appeared to do as the lady requested.

You were just feeding into his thot energy with this music, Kathy.

"How have I missed so much music?"

He practically radiated it, how could she not?

"Well," she said delicately, looking at his clothing, "I'm guessing you're from a very different time. Or place. Or both."

"I need to hear all of it." So he could do aggressive lute covers of Toxic. "Absolutely all of it."

There was a pause as he looked around to just enjoy the atmosphere.

"And come here more often--those are some intriguing undergarments."

Still better lute than another fucking ukulele cover.

"You know," Kathy said helpfully, "we're hiring. And employees here get a discount."

So Jaskier could save up money for his own phone.

All blame to

rebelseekspizza for the ear worm.

Guess what's on loop for my Alexa right now.

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