fandomtownies | Turtle & Canary; Monday [09/14].

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Turtle & Canary; Monday [09/14].

Something was definitely up when Summer got to the store that day; Apu had that sort of focus and busy-ness in him that immediately sent her into a suspicious and slightly nervous mode. Especially since she was making no effort to hide that she was watching him closely and knew something was up, but she was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and let him finish.

And then there was a sign. Summer narrowed her eyes at him with particular pointedness before going out to read what the sign he'd just put out actually said.

Welcome to Turtle & Canary!
Today Only!
One Free Package of Mostly Fresh Toilet Paper
included with every purchase!

...

"Mostly fresh? What does that even--" Thankfully, Summer managed to stop herself, holding up her hands, halting that entire train of thought. "You know what? No. Never mind. I don't need to know, I don't want to know, all I do know is just...no, okay? Just no."

But Summer! How else were they going to get rid of it?

Today's Squishy Flavors
Cream Filled Donut
Hoagie
Red

Turtle & Canary is open!

[[ this was sent to me a million years ago and I just randomly remembered about it the other day, so here, enjoy, thanks THAT PERSON. ]]

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Barry was not to ask about the special. No. Today he came into T&C with a box of items under his arm and bravely got a large red squishy without asking if the lines were clean first.

He approached the counter with a calm and respectful look. "I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the text on Saturday and will not stand in your way of your new relationships. In fact I have brought you something that will help facilitate you in your path forward with your beloved bard and man with tattoos."

He put the box on the desk which had several helpful items for someone in such a relationship. Along with a $25 gift certificate to a certain website

"I wish you the best of luck and hope we can still be friends."

It was getting a bit hard to keep a straight face at this point.

If there was anyone to appreciate this kind of commitment to a stupid bit, it was definitely Summer. She quirked a brow at Barry before pulling the box closer and having a tentative look through its contents.

And struggled to not immediately laugh. She was pretty proud, though, of how well she managed to just shift that into what would hopefully seem like a truly touched and grateful expression.

"This is the most thoughtful fake breakup present I have ever received," she said, hand to her heart in deep sincerity, and making sure that fake was in there because of her own known commitment to a stupid bit, it seemed a particularly important detail. "Thank you, Barry. May you never catch anything particularly skeevy from any of your beautiful starlets, and may you always stay one step ahead of the law in your relentless pursuit of the musical and the inked."

That said, was she already rifling through the box for a tattoo for today? Oh, she was definitely already rifling through the box for a tattoo for today.

Edited 2020-09-14 12:31 (UTC)

"Oh, I had to give up on the starlets," Barry admitted with false sadness. "The only one who was interested was Lindsay Lohan and that's a non-starter. Also it turns out I look horrible in spandex so I'm leaving the vigilante shit to the professionals."

He let out a long pitiful sigh.

"So it's back to the obsessive hand-washing and hermit lifestyle.

And once Summer started digging through the box he had to smile. "Which tattoo are you going to use?"

"Mm." Summer shook her head with that skeptical hum. "I'm not believing you on the spandex until I see some proof," she informed him, "but I can get you a good two-for-one deal on Purell if you want. We've even got industrial sized buckets!"

Then she pulled out at first choice, one of the bigger ones, a butterfly centerpiece with the elaborate curly-cues behind it.

"Definitely this one," she said. "I'm way overdue for a tramp stamp. And this one," an armband joined it, "an arm one is necessary. And theeeeen," picking out a rose, "I'm thinking maybe a face tat. I can definitely rock a face tat."

Barry was very amused by all this. "Definitely send me a shot of the face tattoo," he said, "Because if it doesn't look like Mike Tyson's I'm going to be fucking disappointed."

Edited 2020-09-14 13:56 (UTC)

"I actually did use to have one kind of like that!" Summer said brightly, as she took a moment to consider her choice and decide that, yeah, she was satisfied with what she'd picked out so far and turned her attention more o Barry now. "A little more understated, and ever, but, like, pretty super cute. It was, like, an Apocalypse tattoo, though, so the quality was pretty shit and it faded, like, super fast."

But very...conveniently.

So convenient so animators didn't have to redraw it again in future episodes! Very nice!

"I got to admit I haven't gotten any tattoos," Barry said with a small shrug. "I've considered getting something with a Rube Goldberg illustration but if the tattoo artist got a fucking detail wrong I'd look at it and be pissed every time I look at it. You got any pictures with that facial tattoo?"

Because fuck yeah, he wants to see that.

"Fuuuck," said Summer, "that was, like, ages ago. Back when I was still in high school..."

But Summer was also a selfie addict, so, duh, of course there were pictures, it was just a matter of scrolling back far enough to find them.

Get comfortable, Barry. This might take a while...

And after a considerable amount of time and scrolling and feeling very glad she hadn't felt like cataloguing much of her life actually during the apocalypse, even once they did get society back up and running, she located a set from once she got back to Fandom, found the best one, then turned the phone toward him so he could see her mugging at the camera with the silver swoop under her eye featured prominently.

"Cute, right? I kind of miss it sometimes, but it's really for the best. It fits a very specific aesthetic and can you imagine what a bitch it would be to always have to accessorize around it? Pass."

"Yeah. I can see that," Barry said admiring the image. "Still it looks fucking bad ass."

He was sorely tempted to swipe right to see what the next image was but successfully resisted.

"It reminds me a bit of the tattoos some of the people from Ramaat used to wear," Barry said thinking back a bit. "But those tattoos were done with a needle attached to a stick and a tiny mallet. To get a tattoo there was fucking hardcore."

Oh, the next few would just be more selfies of pretty much the same thing but with a slightly different pose, anyway. Which Summer was now actually swiping through with a fond nostalgia herself for a moment, because, yeah, she was pretty cute.

Until suddenly she discovered that she had catalogued at least a few things about that era of her life after all, and that was a bucket she hadn't seen in a while, and she was just gonna X right out of that and tuck her phone back into her pocket with the reminder that, girl, you have got to clean out that photo album...

"That sounds badass," she said. "What's Ramaat?"

Because, yeah, that was enough talk about her and her terrible life decisions for a little bit...

“Oh, a planet in another dimension ruled under the benevolent dictatorship of a telepathic gorilla,” Barry replied with a shrug. “They had no source of power there due to something called they called “The Drain.” I spent about five years there helping them not be something more than just rejects out of a ~~meta~~ Mad Max movie.”

This is why Barry love Fandom. He could talk about this stuff and rarely anyone would freak out.

And, on the one hand, Summer was feeling like this was a conversation she should be veering as far away from as possible, but on the other hand...

It was hard to refuse throwing at least a little post-apocalyptic shade.

"'The Drain' is a much cooler name for it than 'the Boom-Boom.' But, then again, we didn't have a telepathic gorilla dictator, just a glowing green rock called Isotope-322."

Barry had to pause a minute there as he made mental calculations on what Isotope-322 might be in his universe and what it might be in other universes.

"So. Isotope-322 is either a very powerful source of energy or it's an element that has somehow gained sentience, right?" he guessed.

Summer had one-hundred percent expected at least some kind of thoughtful pause there and would have been super disappointed if there hadn't been one, so she couldn't help just grinning at Barry a little before she answered.

"The first one," she confirmed with a nod. "Apparently, they were just sitting on that thing with absolutely no idea what they had. Our whole thing was really just a...month, though," and then they completely crashed the entire society once it had been rebuilt because Rick had only done it to prove a point, but...details, schmetails, "so five years, that's quite a long haul, huh?"

Considering she could not nope out of that litterbox fast enough once things got normal...

"Yeah. That was a rough one. The first year was just wading around in mud and shit," he admitted. "And I was pretty much cut off from everyone because that place is a bitch to get in and out of. That was my last stop before coming here."

He sighed. "But at least I helped give that shithole a leg up. Maybe in a few years they can depend on themselves."

Instead of a benevolent dictator. Who wasn't completely horrible but Bezeruul could be a dick at times.

He gave a rueful grin to Summer. "Don't worry. I won't be taking you there for a date."

"Ha." Summer breathed out a little bit of an awkward laugh at that. "Oh, good."

Especially since she was pretty sure something like that ran a good chance of them winding up potentially being run over by a new, definitely cuter than a gorilla, but probably not quite so benevolent dictator, and that would be suuuuuupes awk.

Definitely time for a hard turn on this conversation, yeah, and Summer thankfully saw the perfect opening.

"But, hey," she said, "speaking of dates. Would you actually be interested in joining me on a kinda stupid double date so that I can show someone from a super advanced space society and a Victorian goth how dumb our moon is in this universe, and also so I can totally try to play matchmaker and see if I can get these two crazy kids together?"

And any awkwardness she might have been feeling about her sordid apocalyptic warlord past had completely fled after all that in favor of bright, dancing eyes and her hands clasped together in front of her in eager hope.

Well how can he say no to bright, dancing eyes and clasped hands?

"Fuck, yeah," Barry said agreeably. "But on one condition. You gotta dump the bard and the guy with the tattoos."

Yes. He thinks he's funny.

"Anything I need to bring to prove the moon is dumb? Because it's just a rock unless I'm missing a joke someplace."

Edited 2020-09-14 20:27 (UTC)

"Done," said Summer, grinning broadly, because, yes, she appreciated it. "Dumped. Maybe we'll even get some new bomb-ass breakup jams out of the deal, too. And I can't think of anything, except maybe some quality barf bags. For someone from space, Tisarwat really doesn't handle anti-grav well, and Lucille's never even seen a spaceship, so it's going to be interesting, at the very least."

“Well, shit. My class did go to fucking space today,” Barry said with a shrug. “I got some good anti-nausea patches they can use. Plus I have human size hamster balls they can run around I. Space together if you want.”

"Ohmygod," said Summer, "yes. Tisarwat needs, like, a million of those patches, and please, please have them run around in giant hamster balls on the moon, like, that's fucking brilliant, and how cool of a first date is that and also, like, crazy entertaining all at the same time?"

This was all, of course, said in approximately two whole gushing, adoring breaths.

"How is the class going, by the way? I keep meaning to swing by, but, well..." She looked around the store a little. Made a very pointed gesture toward that sign.

Just imagine what this place would be without her here.

“Well, I figured one of your two hundred jobs on the island was keeping you busy,” Barry teased. “I guess we can add matchmaker to the list.”

Don’t deny it, Summer.

“And classes are going really well. I’m just really throwing the kids into situations and letting them observe and experience it. Hopefully they’ll come back for more.”

"It's just the three," said Summer, because it was a thing now, dammit!, "and let's maybe wait until we see how this dumb moon date goes before we start considering a fourth. We don't want to jinx it or anything."

But if it did go well? Oh, man. All of her single friends should probably start sweating now.

Then her smirk went into something that would have been purely adoration if not for the distinct smugness bouying it.

"And I told you you'd do fine."

If Summer does start taking matchmaking seriously he’s going straight to Rey and telling her to run.

“Yeah, well. No one has fucking died or told me to fuck off yet. So I’ll take that as a win,” Barry joked. “ it thank you for talking me down.”

There were already a few half-formed thoughts floating around in her brain, so that would be a good call.

"I mean," Summer's face scrutched a little skeptically, "I could argue that someone telling you to fuck off is a good sign," or maybe that was just her? One of her favorite teacher memories thus far was definitely exactly that, but in slightly different words, "but it's okay. It's only been three weeks."

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Turtle & Canary; Monday [09/14].

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