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Turtle & Canary; Friday [10/02].

After her class, Astrid managed to make it over to Turtle & Canary for her shift without incidient, which seemed to be a somewhat difficult thing lately, but, unfortunately, while she was relatively unscathed, the cheese panda had not been so lucky.

So if anyone wondered why there was a panda walking around the store, offering people mixed beverages and bottles of beer, it seemed that turn-about was fair play, and the cheese panda apparently thought he was Tino.

Astrid would have actually guessed Kyōraku-san if not for the distinct lack of sake in the offerings.

Today's Squishy Flavors
Moscow Mule*
Rum & Coke*
Red*

*Contains no actual alcohol*

Turtle & Canary is open! And Astrid was still Astrid...for now.

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Eleanor of course had come in to T&C to pick up her usual weekend supplies only for the Panda to suddenly hand her a bottle of cheap tequila and Lonely Girl Margarita mix.

Which of course made Eleanor deliriously happy. "You. You are my favorite today," she said going to give the panda a lingering hug that one might consider a little too personal.

"Now where's the forking twizzlers?"

"Aisle ~~Handwavey~~," offered Astrid, who knew that even if the panda thought he was Tino, he still couldn't make words, and then wondered if she should tell Eleanor that she still had to pay for that stuff.

And she was honestly so distracted by wondering if she should also tell Eleanor that she and the panda could borrow the back office if they needed to that she didn't notice yet another blip of a rift that dropped in a gremlin just long enough to bite her and then be on its merry flipping way.

"Ouch! What the frick?" Turtle hissed as she reached for where the stinging pain in her leg was starting to fade. "Who did that? Where's he go? I'll kick that jerk face right in the shins!"

And now Eleanor was definitely going to have to pay for that stuff.

Eleanor was still snuggling with a very awkward feeling Panda!Tino so totally missed the bite. However the shouting was enough to pull herself away from the now very grateful panda.

"Hey Astrid," Eleanor said going to the Handwavey aisle to pick up some additional booze. "How's you holding up this week?"

That was a lot of booze, and Turtle was definitely judging you for it, Eleanor, and she wasn't even going to get started on the panda.

"Astrid?" she asked, sounding confused. "But wait, I know you, right? Isn't your name Veronica, or something?"

They didn't really thread together much, and memory was hazy...

Eleanor was now giving Astrid a weird look because, really? Veronica? Who would ever-

That thought didn't finish because now there was another dimensional pop and suddenly the ~~meta for Veronica Mars~~ Vanessa Saturn, PI was standing there.

"It's Vanessa, actually. Close. I can see the confusion," Vanessa said doing her trademark head tilt. "The name is very similar."

She looked down at the cheap tequila and margarita mix and wondered what she was thinking. ~~Logan~~ Larkin would never go for such bottom shelf stuff. "Sweetie?" she said turning back to look at the Cheese Panda!Tino who was now (in her mind) the very handsome bad boy known as Larkin Echoes. "Are you sure you don't want the most expensive tequila available? After this we totally need to make out before I solve the case about the exploding dildo cozies."

Cue the groan at any mention of dildos and cozies put together in a sentence (although not exploding, that part she seemed fine with), but Turtle wasn't going to linger, there was work to be done here.

"You definitely want a better tequila," she enthused. "I wouldn't even serve that stuff to my worst enemy. Here, come on." She moved easily from around the counter to head toward the booze. "I'll help you pick out a really good one, and maybe some mixers. You'll need snacks, too! And mints, with the..." Her nose wrinkled a little, "making out..."

"You might as well throw in some bandages and antibiotic ointment as I think Schlong Montenegro is going to find out about Larkin's affair with his mom tonight," Vanessa said with a sigh. "Which will inevitably lead to us having to break up for a few episodes until either he or I get hurt emotionally and/or physically so there can inevitably be fanfic for days."

And that right there was why Turtle would much rather spend her time talking her boyfriend out of a closet any day of the week. She shook her head, but was not going to hesitate to make sure to grab all of those things and add them to the order.

"So, what were we thinking?" she asked, reaching for an expensive bottle. "This one, maybe? Or how about this one? It's a little more, sure, but you're.definitely paying for a quality you can taste. I highly recommend it."

"Oh, we definitely have to have the most expensive. Larkin is one of the rich kids at school and always have to have the best. The puka shell necklace he wears was handcrafted by blind nuns in South America which is really just a front for a cocaine ring. Next episode he's going to be a target of the Columbian drug runners," Vanessa explained. "I'll take three bottles."

Eleanor is so going to regret this later.

"Three?" asked Turtle, looking kind of doubtful about that. "You don't...really wan an uneven number, do you? Better make it four. An uneven number of bottles is bad luck in some cultures."

It was...maybe true somewhere! Look, Turtle was just trying to drive a sale, it was just what she did. The store didn't do as well as it did just because it was the only all-purpose general store on the island, after all.

"Babe?" Vanessa called over her shoulder. "Do you have enough money to pay me for four bottles?"

Whether Panda!Tino responded yes or no would be a mystery to anyone else. But not to Vanessa Saturn, PI. "Yeah, we'll go with six," she replied. "It's so nice to have a millionaire boyfriend with anger issues."

And that would be the moment when a slight little tickle of a worry about payment started to creep into Turtle's brain, and that was a problem.

"Um," she said, eyes.drifting to panda!Tino for a moment before leaning in toward Vanessa with a whisper. "Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think your boyfriend is who you think he is. Don't worry. It happens to the best of them. My boyfriend thinks he's.someone else at least two times a week. But I just don't want thing to get too awkward when it gets to, you know," the important part, "payment."

Edited 2020-10-02 15:12 (UTC)

"Oh did you forget your wallet again, babe?" Vanessa called back to Tino!Panda. "It's all right. I may be a down-on-my-luck PI with not much money to show for it but I'm all heart. I got you covered."

She then turned and looked Turtle. "You don't think his abusive movie actor father has turned off the flow of cash to his bank accounts do you?" she whispered in a scandalized voice.

"No," said Turtle, with the utmost confidence that that was not what was going on here. "But you can never be too careful, can you?"

"Totally," Vanessa said, nodding sagely. "One time I was dating this guy who at one point thought I was his sister. Of course that was right after my best friend and his sister was murdered by my current boyfriend's abusive father."

Or. Was. She?

Turtle's eyes narrowed in an expression that was doing some multitasking: it conveyed both skepticism as well as a genuine attempt to work through all of that.

"Boy," she muttered, finally, "it bet that makes family holidays awkward."

"Oh, you have no idea," Vanessa said with a sigh. "But that's the life of a teenage private investigator."

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Turtle & Canary; Friday [10/02].

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