The Trash King's Compound, the preserve, Friday

[betterthanaplan]

Right! So hopefully you all found out alllll about the Trash King's lair yesterday. Right?

The time has come to go on the offense! These raccoons are already pretty offensive, after all. Running around, sending holes after people, trying to use procedural tropes and internet speak to establish plausible deniability when being interrogated. . . .

What a bunch of dicks.

Fandomites, assemble! It's time to beat up a trash panda.

[this is your BDE climax! Open to anyone still on the island's surface!]

Comments

Assemble!

[trashiestking]

For folks to show up and hatch out a plan of attack.

Or just for folks to show up and agree to make it up as they go along, either way.

Re: Assemble!

[weirderthanthou]

"I'm about done losing parts of my island," Jesse announced, her hand settled on the Service Weapon on her hip.

(She might have been worried about losing it after talking to Summer the other day.)

"Is everyone armed? Do we have a good idea of the layout in there?"

Re: Assemble!

[desertwolfcub]

"Do claws count?" Malia asked. She still didn't have 100% control, but she was reasonably certain if she launched herself at a raccoon again, they'd come out. "I know some people checked it out yesterday. But, uh. I'm not sure how many came back out again."

Re: Assemble!

[weirderthanthou]

"Claws seem like they work great against raccoons...?" Jesse ventured.

Re: Assemble!

[somethingwithturquoise]

Well. Wasn't Summer just talking about how she really wanted to just finally get to shoot at something?

So yeah. She was there, she was ready, she had at least two guns, a kitchen knife, a hatchet (what kind of woman doesn't have an axe?), and her portal gun, so she was pretty much ready for anything.

Err, unless it required a spaceship, anyway.

[[ likely to be eaten again, but she's here! ]]

Re: Assemble!

[desertwolfcub]

Malia didn't have an ax! She'd totally get one when she realized how handy they were, but alas, she was still getting used to the whole "human" thing.

"You look ready for some action."

Re: Assemble!

[somethingwithturquoise]

"I swear to god," said Summer, shaking her head, "if this turns out to be quick and easy because they just, like, paws up," her hands went up, even with the gun in one of them, "'we surrender,' I'm goooonnnnna be a little pissed."

Re: Assemble!

[weirderthanthou]

"Summer!" Jesse said, zeroing in on her immediately. "Guess I don't have to check and ask if you're ready."

Re: Assemble!

[somethingwithturquoise]

"Biiiiitch," said Summer, but, you know, in the friendly way, "I was born ready. I want my spaceship back."

And, you know, her friends,but she had more than enough confidence that they could handle themselves, her ship didn't have an AI.

(And for a very good reason!)

Re: Assemble!

[grenadesandohana]

Was she asking for a Map o' Crazy? Because McGarrett had brought a Map o' Crazy. It had been updated with Rosa's intel from yesterday and had far too many arrows for potential infiltration points, plus suggestions of explosives to use because Steve was 1) an infiltration expert who liked explosions, 2) kinda hated raccoons and 3) was very slightly unhinged right now.

He was also in camo because see the previous points. "We're ready?"

Re: Assemble!

[sith_happened]

Anakin wasn't bring a baby to a potential battle zone, that would be completely ridiculous!

...Grogu just kept escaping and Anakin hadn't noticed the little pram floating behind him again.

Attack!

[trashiestking]

They're raccoons! They're, what, twenty pounds each? How hard can this be?

. . . Wait, when did the raccoons get drones?

Re: Attack!

[weirderthanthou]

I wish I was surprised, but I'm not.

At least Jesse wouldn't feel nearly as bad about shooting a bunch of drones. Or throwing garbage at the drones.

Actually, throwing garbage at the drones was turning out to be pretty cathartic. "Screw you!" she hollered, telekinetically flinging a chipped '#1 Best Mom' mug at a drone.

Re: Attack!

[trashiestking]

The mug struck one of the drones and sent it spinning out into the ground.

One down! . . . Several dozen to go. And the others were doing a lot more dodging.

Re: Attack!

[somethingwithturquoise]

Soooooo, guess who realized that instead of just hoping a raccoon ran into her portal pit traps around the compound, she could just, you know, SHOOT PORTALS directly AT the raccoons?

So Summer went in dual-weilding guns, one of them blaster, one of them portal, so if you got hit by her, you had half a chance of just getting a blaster bolt, and half the chance of winding up in a glowing pink portal sending you to a planet with a screaming sun.

"Let's see how you like it, assholes!"

It was only FAIR!

Re: Attack!

[trashiestking]

The raccoons did not like it! They did not like it one bit!

"That's not fair!" one yelled, as he vanished into a pink blob.

Another scurried away from a blaster bolt, shrieking into his tablet.

"THE HUMANS HAVE HOLES! REPEAT! THE HUMANS! HAVE! HOLES!"

BUT THEN!

[trashiestking]

"Ughhhh, fiiiiine," the Trash King said, looking at the disruptions in his compound. "You'd think people with so much trash would learn how to share."

Said the guy seated in a beat up old lawn chair on top of a giant pile of refuse.

An announcement went out over the intercom, blasting through the preserve.

"Dear annoying interlopers! Please send representatives to my office RIGHT NOW! I am opening up direct access for only three people. Anyone else tries to come in, they get HOLED."

[The negotiations preplay will be posted here!]

Re: BUT THEN!

[trashiestking]

When they arrived, the representatives would find a long dark hallway, lined with tempting donuts on the floor and lit alcoves containing key items that had fallen down the holes through the week. There was an a fire extinguisher from the fire station. A pin from Fast Eddie's. An empty cup from Chilly Boulder. Other assorted bits and bobs that most people would not think of as worth all that much, treated like fine art.

At the end of the hall was a room, equally as dark as the hall. The Trash King's towering throne was a vague outline in the darkness, the Trash King himself a menacing (or, well, attempted-menacing) figure standing on top.

The smell in here was probably . . . a lot.

Steve	"Gonna punch a raccoon," Steve was muttering to himself as he burst into the room and gagged at the smell. "Brah. Air freshener. Windows. Not collecting garbage."
Grogu	You know what? Considering the past year or so of Grogu's life, this whole thing was just par for the course. Which was why he innocently blinked this big ol' eyes at his surroundings from the floating pram.
Anakin	Well, Anakin was just the galaxy's best babysitter and therefore Grogu had to come with him into a potentially violent situation. Shhh, it was absolutely how they trained Jedi. "Right," Anakin said, taking a good look at...all of this...and focusing in on the head raccoon. "Get off of our island. Now." Could you tell he was a trained negotiator? No? He got that a lot.
The Trash King	As they reached the center of the room, in front of the trash pile, a cage shot up from the floor! It was built by and for raccoons. So it was like, knee height on Steve and Anakin. The lights in the office came up, along with several glowing television monitors hung around the King's throne. He gazed down at the three of them, unimpressed. "Hi," he said, holding up his pickle-jar'd hand. "Want a pickle?"
Steve	The smell of the whole vibe the Trash King had going was strong enough that Steve wasn't sure he'd eat that day. His nose wrinkled up. "Pass. Give us our people back and get out before we make our own catapult and use it on you."
Grogu	Oh yeah, you heard the very tall guy! They'd totally do it! ...but that pickle was heckin' tempting. Anakin, stop him from reaching for that pickle.
Anakin	"Grogu, don't eat the pickle," Anakin said quickly. "A raccoon touched it." That was probably not a compelling argument to a kid who ate pedicure toe plastic, but he had to try! He glared at said raccoon. "And he'll be leaving soon."
The Trash King	"What are you doing with these nerds, kid?" the Trash King asked, ignoring both the humans. "You've got star potential. I can tell. Picture this: full time employee status. Company stock. The company will take care of everything for you. They'll even wipe your butt."
Steve	Steve looked at Anakin. "Can I punch the raccoon?"
Grogu	The raccoon did take away his bodyguardfriendparent. So. Grogu looked from Steve to Anakin to see where he'd fall on the threat of violence here.
Anakin	Anakin shrugged. "I'm fine with it."
The Trash King	"I see how it is," the Trash King said, shaking his head sadly. "I invite you here, in good faith. To negotiate how to share in this island's trashy bounty. But the only language you humans understand is violence." Outside, the sound of rotors kicked up. Very large rotors. Like a couple military choppers were coming in to land. "I WILL SICK THE KING QUADCOPTER ON YOUR ENTIRE TOWN!!!!"
Steve	"You started it," Steve yelled, 300 percent done with all of this. How big were these copters? "Give us back our people!"
Grogu	Grogu looked between Steve and Anakin again before closing his eyes and reaching one clawed hand out at the Trash King and squeezing like the most adorable lil' Jedi who was totally force choking a raccoon. So, that's where he was at.
Anakin	Sithspit, the kid shouldn't be able to do that! "No!" Anakin said, reaching out in the Force to give Grogu a little hand smack. "No choking!"
The Trash King	“How’s he do that? Is there an app for it? My holes have an app.” One by one, the donuts were vanishing from the hallway behind them.
Steve	Steve glanced at the weird green floating frog kid and gave a mental shrug. He had no idea. "I heard about the app from your stooge," he said instead. "The frog's not using an app." It was a frog, right?
Grogu	Grogu gave Anakin a look that implied a good force choke was just what the situation called for here. He was super sure that Din would agree. Yep. A-okay with the force choking.
Anakin	"Not yet," Anakin said, which was not the same as no. Anakin was bad at this. "Let's give the--" sigh, "talking raccoon time to explain himself first."
The Trash King	“Explain what?” the Trash King asked. “That I’m a business genius? If you’ve got the app, you can earn points for a catapult like the rest of these losers.” The hole in the hallway was almost upon them.
Steve	"By catching useless shit, right?" Steve said, reaching into his cargo pants pocket and retrieving a grenade (thanks, Annie's friend! He had some normally, but these were pretty sweet). "What if I destroy your useless shit? Do I get a bonus catapults because you're in charge?"
Grogu	Grogu hovered a little further away from the grenade because that guy was not joking around there! And he'd definitely seen enough explosions to know.
Anakin	"Or we could do that," Anakin said, giving Steve a side-eye as he adjusted, taking a Force grip on Grogu's pod just in case he needed to throw the kid out of a blast radius. Then he cast around for something shiny and pointless--the nearest TV screen would do--and yanked it out of position with the Force before chucking it with a casual handwave into the hole that was approaching. "We have been extremely patient," he said icily. "Now it's time for you to leave. Well past time."
The Trash King	“What is that, an ugly pineapple?” The Trash King asked. (If he knew it exploded, he’d update his description to a “spicy pineapple”.) Then he grimaced and glared at his vanishing shiny thing. “Hey! That’s my trash!”

Re: BUT THEN!

[trashiestking]

Steve	"It was ours first," Steve said, popping the pin off of the flash-bang grenade and tossing way back towards the hallway so it bounced along the ground a few times before getting to the hole. He had no interest in accidentally hurting anyone down in the hole or causing massive structural damage to this giant pile of trash with, well, probably no structure. But he did want to make his position clear. "Give us our people back!" The grenade exploded in a huge flash of light and noise.
Grogu	Grogu thrust one clawed hand up in solidarity of that sentiment. But his adorable little shout was covered up by the explosion sound. Yeah! Burn it all down!
Anakin	When Anakin Skywalker was the responsible adult in a room, you were in trouble. He pulled two more screens off the wall and hovered them over the hole. "Please," he added sarcastically.
The Trash King	The Trash King let out a squawk of “spicy pineapple!!!” at that explosion, and was still too blinded and deafened by the flash-bang to notice Anakin’s sarcastic reasonability. “You guys suck!” He flailed around with his pickle jar. “Do you know how much work it’d be to bring people back up? I’d have to build a huge catapult!” Cry them a river, Trash King.
Steve	"You should probably start now," Steve said, pulling out another grenade.
Grogu	Grogu did his part by concentrating real, real hard on pulling down one of the trophies to chuck across the room telekinetically. Suck it! He was gonna destroy the system and bring about anarchy before his naptime!!
Anakin	"Excellent control, Grogu," Anakin praised.
The Trash King	“You guys suck!” the Trash King said, groping around for his tablet. The hole behind them vanished. Outside, the rotor noises turned into a trash-rattling explosion. The Trash King groaned. There went his quad outer. “Attention all raccoons!” he sent over the PA. “Call off the holes! A bunch of whiny nerds want their trash back!”
Steve	"We want our people back," Steve snapped.
Grogu	Grogu totally shared that sentiment with another trophy getting hurled. But he was getting pretty sleepy from all this. Curse his tiny, tiny, rage filled body.
Anakin	Anakin crossed his arms over his chest. "Tell them to start on that catapult."
The Trash King	"Ugh!" the Trash King said again. "Fine, geez, you guys are so needy." He picked up the tablet again. "All construction raccoons: begin working on a big-ass catapult to send all the whiny little nerd babies back up to the surface!" He rolled his eyes. "Are you happy now? Will you leave the rest of my trash alone?"
Steve	"I feel like I could still blow some things up," Steve admitted, "so I'd work faster, if I were you."
Anakin	"And don't forget the buildings," Anakin added with a glare. "We want this place to look like it did before you arrived." Or at least close. That ice cream shop was probably a disaster.
The Trash King	"Uuuuuughhhhhhh," the Trash King groaned. "And the buildings too I GUESS" went out over the intercom. "Now go away! And take your spicy pineapples with you!" A beat. ". . . Or leave one? They look like fun. . . ."
Steve	"You're absolutely not getting one of these," Steve said firmly. "Tell me where they're building the catapult. I'm going to supervise."
Grogu	Grogu sleepily lobbed a bit of trash at the Trash King's head for that before flopping back for a nice, long nap.

[preplayed with grenadesandohana, thedadalorian, and sith_happened]

King quadcopter?????

[trashiestking]

The drones were one thing. Maybe even a little cute in their way.

This . . . this sounded like a squad of military choppers coming in. The King Quadcopter was enormous. It wore a crown. It had a cement cannon. And explosives.

Where did raccoons get a cement cannon and explosives?

Re: King quadcopter?????

[weirderthanthou]

You know who happened to have a lot of experience with cement?

"This feels weirdly like home," Jesse muttered as she looked up at the King Quadcopter, an old television, five empty cans of beans and assorted trash floating behind her.

Re: King quadcopter?????

[trashiestking]

The King Quadcopter dropped a big, blinking mine. And then another. And then another.

Victory!

[trashiestking]

For our triumphant heroes when the evil has been defeated!

Re: Victory!

[trashiestking]

The Trash King called off the remains of his army, sounding really put out about it. The drones and raccoons scattered, off to construct a really large catapult to get the trapped folks out of the hole.

Great work, Fandom! The army of evil trash pandas has been defeated.

OOC

[trashiestking]