Dite's Decadent Delights | Wednesday

[begmetwice]

While Irene was fine with the pumpkin spice lubricant display she'd set up, this was beyond the pale.

"Absolutely not," she declared, opening the box that had arrived. "No. It's September. I understand Christmas creep, but -- "

And then, admittedly, curiosity got the better of her and she did end up taking out one of those...speciality glass dildoes before putting it back in the box. "I'll make a whole display of you November, promise, but let the pumpkins have their moment."

Though now she was trying not to think of what sort of ghoulish sex toys she might receive in the mail, after practically inviting them like that.

Dite's was open, if a little confused.

[don't click that link at work, no.]

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[hatesparadise]

Danny had told Steve he would go check out the place in town. And he wasn't about to back out now.

Which was why he was slipping into the shop after a long day listening to the Bee Lady. And mildly concerned about the pumpkin spice lube.

[begmetwice]

"Detective Williams!" Irene was great with both names and faces, and the fact that she'd met him at roughly three in the morning in her pajamas wasn't going to change that fact. "What a lovely surprise. How are you today?"

[hatesparadise]

"Well, I've spent my day talking a lady down from trying to have us arrest some raccoons," Danny replied. "So..."

[begmetwice]

"Did they actually do something to her?" Irene asked logically. "Or is this just on the basis of them being raccoons?"

Irene didn't know a lot about raccoons except that they loved trash. That might be enough to warrant an arrest; she didn't know American law well enough to say it didn't, anyway.

[hatesparadise]

"They looked shifty." Did that count? No. No, it did not.

[begmetwice]

"Well," Irene noted solemnly, "they do have little burglar masks."

Just saying, racoons. Just saying.

"Help you find anything?" Since, you know, that was her job and all.

[hatesparadise]

That much was fair.

"I, uh--" Well, mama didn't raise no quitter here. "I was hoping to find a book here maybe."

[begmetwice]

"Fiction or non?" Irene asked, unfazed, though her smile gentled some.

[hatesparadise]

"Non," Danny replied, looking around the place and just skipping right on over some things. "You see, I have very recently started a relationship with a man and I am... shall we say, less than experienced in that area."

[begmetwice]

"Oh, congratulations are in order, then," Irene replied, inclining her head a little. "All right, then, that's helpful -- books are over here."

She led the way over to a couple of shelves of books -- some with discreet covers, some with...less discretion. "Nonfiction, instructional sort of things are here," she shared, indicating a shelf with one manicured finger, "and I know you said you're not interested in fiction, but we do have some male/male romances and erotica that might be -- " She cast around for a word before settling on a simple, "Inspirational?"

[hatesparadise]

Which meant Danny was immediately shifting over to the discrete ones.

"Ah, I think it's more of an instructional nature that I'm looking for. My, uh, partner--" Was that the word they were still using here? It was confusing. "--is more of a set game plan type when he's not the rushing headfirst into something stupid. And I'm encouraging the former rather than the latter. Mostly all the time, but that's a work in progress."

[begmetwice]

You know, it was the word Irene herself would have used without prompting, so that probably said something.

"So this is a case of wanting to know what game plays are available before you even start?" Irene suggested, curving a little smile at him. She snagged a couple of titles off the shelf, laying them on their sides with the spines facing out rather than handing them directly to Danny, so he could peruse without her standing there watching him like a weirdo. "Are you going to ask him to read these, too?"

Her tone suggested she thought this was a good idea.

[hatesparadise]

"That's the plan," Danny replied, taking them all so he could look at them more closely as he offered her a quick smile. "Thanks. By the way."

[begmetwice]

"'Course," Irene replied. "Best of luck. New relationships are always tricky. Is this all new to him, as well?"

That was sort of sweet, really. Either way, he was getting some samples thrown in his bag.

[hatesparadise]

"Yes," Danny said, taking a deep breath. "So, a bit of the blind leading the blind."

[begmetwice]

Irene considered that and then reached up to add another title, this time just handing it right over to Danny. "And I would assume you've both had relationships with women prior to this?"

Never hurts to check.

[hatesparadise]

"Exclusively, yes," Danny replied, adding that one to the pile without questioning it.

[begmetwice]

"An adventure, then," Irene replied with a little smile. "Do you need anything besides...books? Or is that perhaps a future shopping trip?"

Gay sex could potentially involve with a few more accessories than heterosexual sex necessarily did.

[hatesparadise]

"Uh..." Well, he didn't even know what he didn't know here. "Maybe not something made outta crystal."

[begmetwice]

Irene, perhaps appropriately, looked a little alarmed. "...has someone told you to use crystal?" she asked, very seriously.

That sounded like an emergency room visit waiting to happen.

[hatesparadise]

Danny laughed and shook his head. "No, but when you've been a cop as long as I have, you find some stuff when searching a place."

[begmetwice]

"Oh, I would love to hear the stories sometime," Irene told him, a hand going to her chest in relief. "I used to be quite close with a private investigator, but he never told me anything half that good." Eh. She had been something with a private investigator who had told her nothing interesting. "But I will tell you -- silicone? Much more forgiving a material to start with."

[hatesparadise]

"I would think so, yes," Danny replied, nodding in full agreement. "But, uh..."

That was still a lot to consider.

[begmetwice]

"I'll be here," Irene assured him, reaching out to give his arm a reassuring little pat. "Nothing's going anywhere. There's a few good videos out there, too, to go with the books. Stuff on the internet, but -- instructional."

So: porn, still, but porn with talking through it and a lot of eye contact with the camera! And more importantly: two people could watch something together easier than read the same book at the same time, hint hint.

[hatesparadise]

"You think a video would be a good idea?" Look, he was hoping for advice here. That was the whole reason for coming in.

[begmetwice]

"Demonstrations might be helpful," Irene suggested gently, shrugging. "Text only goes so far, you know? And I can point you to places that err on the more realistic sides of things."

[hatesparadise]

"That... might be good, actually." Maybe. Oh god, Steve was going to have a meltdown.

[begmetwice]

"I'll send you some links," Irene promised. "Things that focus on technique, that sort of thing. But the books are still a good idea!"

But so was hands-on practice, but Irene didn't think she probably needed to say so.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

Did Margo know Hot, Talky and British actually worked here? Nah. She hadn’t been paying attention to those kinds of details until a few days ago. But if she was stuck here, she’d have to start paying attention for real.

And if she was stuck here, she needed supplies.

She was almost halfway to the vibe aisle when she spotted the woman behind the counter. “Well, look who’s peddling smut to the masses.”

[begmetwice]

"Someone ought to," Irene replied, smiling over at Margo from where she'd been idly perusing what sorts of Halloween-adjacent products she might be able to stock aside from costumes and pumpkin flavors. "For a given value of 'masses,' of course, since we have a population of about eighteen here."

That was a slight exaggeration, but for a woman who used to live in one of the most densely-populated cities on the planet, it really only felt like a slight one.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Hey, those eighteen people still need orgasms, am I right?” Margo said, her mouth curving into almost a smile. “Hey, can you point me in the direction of Mr. Hitachi? Him and me haven’t seen each other in way too long.”

[begmetwice]

"Next to the Rabbits," Irene replied, fairly sure Margo would know what she meant by that direction but still getting up, anyway. Help a hot lady find a vibrator? No, no, twist her arm harder. "Are you looking for the rechargeable one, or are we going classic and corded?"

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“You know, color me undecided,” Margo said, her mouth curving into the tiniest smirk. “Wanna give a girl some advice?”

[begmetwice]

"Well, batteries are finite," Irene noted with a sad little pout as she wandered over to the selection of vibrators. "Some people like the portability, but if we're absolutely set on a Hitachi, I think you'd probably be happiest with the Magic Wand Plus, which is corded and only came out in the last few years. And they're still calling it a personal massager. As though anyone uses this on their back."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

Margo chuckled. “Hey, right now, I’m not arguing with the terms as long as it chills me the fuck out.” She was happy to wander right after Irene all the way down to that aisle. “Kinda necessary now that I’m stuck on a magical island in another dimension.”

[begmetwice]

"Did I hear on the radio that you got a tiny house?" Irene asked, lifting a brow at Margo as she led the way over to where she leaned against a little display of discreetly-packaged Hitachi Magic Wands. Personal massagers, indeed. "My goodness, Margo, those are some roots you're putting down on this magical island."

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Not roots,” Margo said. “But if I had to spend another day in a room with a bunch of plants and Eliot staring at me if I try to rub one out, I’d probably snap and commit a felony. At least.”

[begmetwice]

"You would at least give the police something to do, as they seem very bored," Irene observed, crooking a little smile at her. "But a house. How fancy. There'll be a housewarming once you're settled in?"

There had been all that talk of parties back in Fillory and all....

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Duh. Me and El have a reputation to live up to.”

Sure, no one but the people they’d told knew about their reputation around here, but in a holistic multiversal kinda way, they absolutely did.

She reached to grab a box from the shelf.

[begmetwice]

Irene watched her, smiling. "So not putting down roots, then, but making the most of it while you're here," she decided, giving the box an appraising little nod. "I look forward to seeing what a Margo-and-Eliot party looks like. Wouldn't be the first time I've partied with royalty, for the record."

Not bragging so much as establishing where she set the bar for a good party.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Then I guess you might actually have something in your wardrobe up to our dress code,” Margo said, and her eyes flicked right down Irene’s body.

The dress code wasn’t going to be that fancy. Some people just deserved a higher standard, that was all.

[begmetwice]

Irene's smile widened. "Possibly. I do love a reason to shop." And a reason to to be looked at, like she was now, and to look at other pretty people -- like she was now. "And people around here do love a reason to dress up."

There weren't many of them, but they tended to go all out when the occasion came along.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

“Don’t tempt me into making it a theme gig,” Margo said. Her eyes made it back up to Irene’s face. “That’s more a ‘second or third party’ vibe.”

The thought ‘oooh, glamorous eyepatch opportunities’ flitted through her mind. She hated it.

[begmetwice]

"You are rather coming up on the season of themed gigs," Irene noted, taking in that look with carefully-casual interest. "They go fairly all-out on Halloween and Christmas here."

Thanksgiving remained somewhat mysterious to her, even after a couple years in the States.

"So this would be a more adult gathering?" Irene added, unable to resist the urge to tease a little. "Not so much with shots and...oh, I don't know, joyously yelling 'woo' throughout the night?"

Teasing, yes, but also an acknowledgement that Irene was kind of impressed, given that Margo didn't seem too far distanced from university-aged, queen or not.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

She was speaking to Margo Hanson, the woman who had started her own fraternity in her first year at Brakebills and had to be removed from the throne of naked freshmen she’d built on hazing night when the faculty found out. She’d been born so far beyond the woo girl, red Solo cups incinerated in her presence.

Or so she’d tell you if you said that last part out loud, Irene.

“Please,” Margo said. “Eliot is an expert mixologist, and I’m all class with a great ass.”

[begmetwice]

"Well, I know at least one of those statements is true." Though who said mixologist? (Irene liked it, regardless.) "Happy enough to put the other to the test."

Oh, no, Irene would have to request that her new hot friend's mixologist friend ply her with drinks, the tragedy of it all.

[not_a_goddamn_princess]

She’d get it when she saw Eliot at work. The man was a master, and Margo wasn’t just saying that because he was her best friend and she’d claw someone’s eyes out for him without even thinking twice.

“And if that’s not enough, we’re going to jazz up this party with a little magic,” she said. “I’m gonna be honest, normally we’d keep the razzle dazzle on the down-low, but on this island, what’s the point?”