Trooper Station | Saturday

[knife_bender]

There was an awful lot of paperwork for a town where he hardly had to do any policing at all. He was going through the complaints than had come in since it snowed on Thursday. A lot of people seemed to think law enforcement could control the weather, which was interesting.

[open]

Comments

[defenderofdesmoines]

Annie came in after her usual Saturday morning run, stomping snow off her ugly-ass running cleats before making her way over to Diego's desk with the standard two steaming cups from the Perk.

"So who do I complain to about the snow?" she asked, trying very hard to appear stern and serious as she passed over Diego's cup (and failed at schooling her features into a convincing frown, like she usually did when it came to Diego.) "You guys can just get rid of it all, right?"

She actually had no idea there already were existing complaints; she'd just been here for a whole summer of bee-and-cicada-related ones and figured it was a good bet.

[knife_bender]

"Get in line, I've already had about six people ask me that already," Diego said, taking the coffee. "I thought you of all people could handle a bit of snow."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Oh, I'm dealing fine, but I was also, like, half-joking," Annie noted, lifting her brows with a new touch of sympathy as she found a seat. "You know, I don't think cops in other towns have to deal with these kinds of complaints. And not just because, like, other towns have snowplows and salt trucks."

It was entirely possible Fandom had a rickshaw-plow and a salt-rickshaw, but that was neither here nor there.

[knife_bender]

"I fully believe other precincts deal with impossible and weird complaints." Including ones about people complaining of the snow.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Really? Like, Bee Lady-weird?" Annie asked skeptically. "People complain to you guys about the dumbest things here. Like I would never call the cops about snow or bugs or whatever."

[knife_bender]

"I bet they're even weirder," Diego said. "Crazies live in every town."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"There's a guy in back home who has some pretty obscene signs up in his yard about how much he hates the city," Annie acknowledged. "Probably because his yard is full of, like, old washing machines and busted toys and they probably told him to cut it out. But like, things are weird enough here that it probably takes a special kind of crazy to be the town crank here, I feel like."

[knife_bender]

"Yeah, there's a bunch of people here fighting for that title," Diego agreed with a nod. He lifted up another piece of paper. "Someone apparently is worried about the flamingos and would like us to knit sweaters for them."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Like, you and Steve and Danny and Liam need to knit these sweaters, personally?" Annie asked, taking a sip of coffee to try to hide her smile. "What if we ordered them from Etsy or something? I mean, they probably are cold."

[knife_bender]

"I am not putting a sweater on a bird," he said.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Maybe a scarf would be better," Annie said thoughtfully, as though she was agreeing that the sweater part would just be too difficult and not that this idea was absurd in the first place. "With their necks and all."

[knife_bender]

"I would pay to see Steve put a scarf on a flamingo." Or attempt to, rather.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I mean, you got a front-row seat to seeing him tackle a mannequin," Annie pointed out. "He'd probably do it. Danny's the one I think would be hilarious."

Having to, like, wade into the pond in his Dockers, bitching the whole time....

[knife_bender]

"Oh yeah no way Danny would do it," Diego said. "I would do it before him."

Because Diego could be goaded into just about anything.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I mean, Diego, I have extra scarves," Annie pointed out, gesturing to the paper he'd read from. "I would love nothing more than to help you put one of them on a flamingo to address this complaint, if you're saying you would."

By 'help' she meant 'watch and laugh,' but in a supportive way.

[knife_bender]

"Oh, no, it would be official police business," Diego said. "No civilian onlookers."

Just to keep the embarrassment down to a minimum.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Oh yeah, I would definitely keep the civilians away from you," Annie agreed easily. "Don't need gawkers."

She totally did not consider herself a civilian. Even in Fandom, where she totally was one.

[knife_bender]

"Who said you'd get to gawk?" he asked, looking amused.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"You'd need someone for crowd control and to keep the rubberneckersr away," Annie pointed out easily. "I wouldn't be gawking, I'd be helping."

While watching and laughing and so on and so forth.

[knife_bender]

"You can help put on scarves in that case," Diego decided. "That would be even more helpful than crowd control."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Help like hand them to you?" Annie suggested, nodding like that was a good idea. "And document the experience, of course."

Someone needed to. What about future Fandom cops, in future Fandom winters?

[knife_bender]

Diego smiled and shook his head. "I am so glad I am just going to rip this request in half and make it go away."

See? He was a real cop!

[defenderofdesmoines]

Just like a real cop!

"Fine, but if the flamingos all catch colds you have no one to blame but yourself." Annie actually frowned, thinking about what she'd said. "You'd think they'd, like, fly south for the winter, anyway."

Right? Birds did that.

[knife_bender]

"That's what I'm going to say if I get the complaint again," Diego said. "It was the flamingos' fault for being stupid."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I mean, isn't that, like, nature documentary rules, too?" Annie pointed out. Even if she wanted to watch Diego try to put a scarf on a flamingo (maybe even more than she wanted to see Danny do it), she could also get behind this ignoring-the-crazies plan as a, like, day-to-day strategy. "You can't interfere with wildlife. If the flamingos are meant to be cold, so be it. Let nature be nature, or whatever."

[knife_bender]

"I could also suggest that the complainer do something about it," Diego said. "If they're so concerned about the wildlife and all."

And then Will would get something to do when someone got attacked by a bird. Fun all around!

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I mean, that's a level of engagement I wouldn't advise," Annie said, wincing. "People like that will just find a new reason why you should do it. Or something new to complain about, and now you've opened the dialogue so they'll never stop."

Annie had been to a city council meeting or two before, back in Des Moines.

[knife_bender]

"Oh they never stop," he said, lifting up another stack of papers. "Always something to bitch about."