Trooper Station | Saturday

[knife_bender]

There was a whole new set of complaints for Diego to peruse and ignore when he got into work today. Most of them involving Punxsutawney Phil and how it was unfair that we as a nation let groundhogs decide our weather. One complaint came with a list of animals who were much more qualified to forecast the weather.

Yeah, these were going straight into the trash after he read them.

[Open]

Comments

[defenderofdesmoines]

"So," Annie started, when she arrived with two coffees (the juice lesson was not one she'd forget soon), "if I wanted to make a complaint, is there, like, a form I have to fill out? Or is it just, like, freeform complaints?"

She wanted to be supportive and learn more about what looked like the majority of Diego's job.

[knife_bender]

"If a form exists, nobody uses it," Diego said. "I think this one was written on a napkin."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"You guys should make them a form to use," Annie decided, because that sure seemed like it would maybe help with this. "With, like, clear sections for what the complaint is, what time it happened, a follow-up email so you don't have to call them...."

[knife_bender]

Diego lifted his eyebrows. "You think I call these psychos?"

[defenderofdesmoines]

"And then you get rid of the phones so they can't call you," Annie amended, taking a sip from her coffee with a lift of her brows.

This was, perhaps, not a great long-term plan.

[knife_bender]

"Not a bad idea," he said. "It's not like people call for actual emergencies."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"And then," Annie added, kind of on a roll, "you don't answer anything that isn't submitted on this hypothetical form. Like, they're having cicada feelings? Tough for them unless they filled out a thing!"

Like, normally Annie would not advocate for needless bureaucracy, but these people. These complaints.

[knife_bender]

"Love it," he said, taking a swig of his coffee. "People are really upset about this groundhog thing, maybe filling out a form will make them realize it's insane."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I mean, I don't really understand how it works, anyway," Annie admitted. "Like, why a groundhog, of all things? So like, that sounds like a complaint for the fine people of Pennsylvania or whatever, since they can explain the...science."

Maybe? It seemed like there could be science involved in this. Annie didn't know.

[knife_bender]

"Exactly. Pennsylvania," he said. "This is Maryland. Why are they bothering me?"

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Because you're here," Annie pointed out, shrugging. "But you should just, like, provide them a number for the Punxsutawney PD or whatever. Make that their problem. Pass that buck right along."

[knife_bender]

"And start beef with another station?" Diego asked. "I guess that would provide some entertainment..."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I'm sure they're used to it," Annie decided. "And besides, are you really worried about starting something with a station in, like, rural Pennsylvania?"

Like, yeah, that would be entertaining. Go start a fight with some groundbog cops, Diego -- God knew everyone would love the excitement if the Punxsutawney police showed up looking for a rumble some day.

[knife_bender]

Diego scoffed. "I am not afraid of anything coming out of Pennsylvania."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I mean, I wouldn't go that far," Annie cautioned with a little wince. "Philly's pretty tough."

Though now Annie had to try to remember if they had a hero and who it was, because that claim might be debatable in her universe.

[knife_bender]

"Still not scared," he assured her. "Pennsylvania can bring it."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Then, in that case," Annie decided, tapping at her phone for a moment before reaching for a piece of paper so she could write the result down for him, "send all the dumb complaints about groundhogs to this address. We can figure out a new place to send all the bug comments we'll start getting in two months or so. Maybe we can decide that's Pittsburgh's problem or something."

[knife_bender]

"I love you," Diego said with a grin. "You always have the best ideas."

He said that now, wait until Punxsutawney had its revenge.

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I love you, too -- I just feel like this is such a waste of your skills," Annie told him, glancing up from her writing to return that grin. "There's way better things to spend your time on!"

Entertaining her when she visited. Messing with Danny's desk. Maybe stopping the very occasional crime.

[knife_bender]

"I mean, that could be said for everyone that works here." And the fire department. And the clinic. "Well...maybe not Ralph and Calvin."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Then this'll free up everyone to do something more productive." Until Punxsutawney came calling.

And, given half of the Fandom PD's inclination towards drama and action, probably caused an explosion and/or another rickshaw chase.

(Which would be good news for the fire department! And maybe the clinic!)

[knife_bender]

"You're saving the entire town with your brilliant idea," he teased. "They're going to give you the key to the island."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Now this sounds like a lot of responsibility, all of a sudden," Annie noted, faux-concerned. "Part of the appeal of Fandom is that I get to be a nobody here. So like, let's not give me credit. This is just some random, anonymous person's brilliant idea."

Sure, Annie, that'll fly with the squirrels.

[knife_bender]

"Fine, it'll be our secret," he joked. "Only I will recognize you as our savior."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"I'm sure you'll come up with an appropriate way to show your gratitude." That obvious, corny wink Annie gave him was absolutely at odds with the word appropriate. "I still think the form is a good idea. At least the stuff you forward to Pennsylvania can be a little organized for them, that way."

[knife_bender]

"I'll bring it up," he promised. "At least the bureaucracy will slow these people down."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Yeah, and you guys should be a real pain in the ass about it," Annie advised, nodding. "Black or blue ink only. No cursive. Throw out anything that doesn't have a date on it."

Maybe it showed that Annie didn't have to be responsible for this kind of thing in her own job. Either of her jobs, really, since she usually made Tiny deal with anything she didn't want to at the DN, too.

[knife_bender]

"And there should be two forms that ask pretty much the same questions," Diego said with a nod. "To be extra redundant."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"You are so smart," Annie told him, beaming. "Exactly. They should both be double-sided, too, 'cause then there's no way you could switch over to carbon copies to make it more efficient or anything."

[knife_bender]

"Oh! And there should be a website we can direct people to," he said. "But it never works."

[defenderofdesmoines]

"Um, that is downright diabolical," Annie congratulated him, eyebrows raising. "It should just time out. Maybe it even crashes your browser when you try to do anything. People will just give up trying to complain!"

That was wildly optimistic of you, Annie.