Streets of Fandom, Wednesday Afternoon

[justalittlerepressed]

The downside of wanting something to do (that hopefully didn't involve bleeding teens, falling from portals in the sky) was that, when it happened, it was never quite what you expected it to be.

Case in point: a lot of calls about animal attacks and no one on scene by the time he got there.

"This is officially weird, right?"

Because it felt weird after the fourth time it happened.

[open!]

Comments

[grenadesandohana]

Steve had been ducking calls at the Trooper Station from the Bee Lady complaining about--well, she couldn't have actually meant a were-elephant, right--and so he smiled and gave Eddie a wave. "Have you guys been getting strange reports today too?"

[justalittlerepressed]

"Yeah," Eddie said, looking around at some dropped coffee on the ground of where the latest call had apparently been located. "And no patients on scene."

Because they were now a terrifying were-anteater or something.

[grenadesandohana]

"Think it could be some kind of crank calling spree from the school?" Steve wondered. "Do kids still do that?"

[justalittlerepressed]

"I mean, school here is out, right?" Sure, ask the other person who didn't teach.

[grenadesandohana]

"I think?" Steve said, squinting. "I mean, it's April, so that seems early--"

[justalittlerepressed]

There was definitely a noise as something ran across a nearby roof top that had Eddie's consideration of the length of the school year here get interrupted.

"What was that?"

[grenadesandohana]

Steve reached for his weapon because his canon was a little gun happy. "Who's up there?" he called.

There were a few superheroes around here--maybe one was doing extremely extra parkour?

[justalittlerepressed]

"Squirrel?" Eddie suggested, only giving the whole gun thing a little bit of a side eye. You know, in case it was another teen falling from the sky.

[grenadesandohana]

All of the people falling from the sky in Steve's canon were dead drug dealers or victims of weird parachute accidents, but he kept the gun holstered in deference to the side-eye.

"Pretty loud squirrel."

[justalittlerepressed]

The weird parachute accidents was universal! Maybe. Look, you saw a lot of weird shit.

"Maybe it's drunk?" Eddie winced as he said it. "Yeah, I can hear how dumb that sounds."

The noise in question scurried again, way too loud for a normal sized squirrel. More like one heckin' chonk of a squirrel, really.

[grenadesandohana]

"This early in the day?" Steve said, then winced, too. "Even dumber follow-up question, really. Apologies. Okay, probably not a squirrel."

[justalittlerepressed]

"A raccoon?" Oh, they were trying to make this so normal and it just wasn't.

[grenadesandohana]

"Oh, there better not be raccoons," Steve muttered, then realized his one-man raccoon vendetta probably needed some explanation. "There was a thing last summer. Raccoons dropped people into holes for weeks. It was deeply annoying."

He raised his voice. "You better not be a raccoon!"

That'll show 'em.

[justalittlerepressed]

Eddie slowly nodded along with that before he just had to ask, "I'm sorry, they did what?"

He was going to ask Buck about it and probably learn a lot about sinkholes.

[grenadesandohana]

"Stupidly deep holes," Steve said, nodding. "Took the bowling alley, a few houses and about half the island's population. I had to interrogate raccoons. It was not a high point."

[justalittlerepressed]

"No, that doesn't like it would be one," Eddie said, now looking up at the roofline warily. Was that the flash of a very, very large raccoon creature? "Is there some kind of emergency plan for the island if that happens again?"

[grenadesandohana]

"I think it just says 'don't fall in holes, yell for Skywalker'," Steve admitted.

[justalittlerepressed]

"That's the least helpful plan I've ever heard," Eddie had to say, getting cut off on that thought as the large shape leapt down to land near them with a hiss. Or whatever noise raccoons made.

You know. If they were giant and super angry. That kind of raccoon noise.

[grenadesandohana]

"Shit," Steve said eloquently.

[justalittlerepressed]

"I think this might be a police thing," Eddie suggested as it turned it's angry attention onto them.

[grenadesandohana]

"How do you figure that?" Steve asked, taking a few steps back.

[justalittlerepressed]

"It's not injured or on fire," Eddie replied, retreating along with Steve as it stalked after them.

[grenadesandohana]

"So then I can wing it and make it your problem," Steve concluded.

[justalittlerepressed]

"What? No!." But the shooting it plan? High up on the list of things to do here.

[grenadesandohana]

"Well, I can't arrest it for being large and creepy!" Steve said. "That's profiling or something."

Danny did the actual police stuff, okay?

[justalittlerepressed]

"Or something?" Eddie asked. "I thought you were a cop."

Did you lie to the firefighters in town, Steve? Because that wasn't cool.

[grenadesandohana]

"I'm from Hawai'i," Steve said. "My experience arresting wildlife is limited." He turned to the...thing. "Sir? Ma'am?" It might be a ma'am! "I'm gonna ask you to step back, please."

Surely this will work.

[justalittlerepressed]

The wereraccoon hissed again, batting at them with one paw like an angry cat.

"Next time I come out here, I'm bringing a net." It was the turkey thing all over again.

[grenadesandohana]

"I'm bringing a tranq gun," Steve said. "I think we have them back at the station."

For reasons.

"Ma'am or sir, I am not getting another tetanus shot over this," he warned.

[justalittlerepressed]

"It would be rabies, actually," Eddie said, you know, like a helpful person.

[grenadesandohana]

"I don't want one of those either," Steve said. "Should we try to...herd it to the forest or the beach or something?"

Did giant angry racoon things like water? Steve didn't care.

[justalittlerepressed]

"Uh, sure," Eddie said, sounding the least enthusiastic about the prospect as humanly possible. Then muttered, "I liked waking up as a woman way more than this."

[grenadesandohana]

"Well, don't we all," Steve said with a smirk, taking his eyes off of the raccoon for a moment.

That was probably a mistake.

[justalittlerepressed]

Oh, for sure it was. The wereraccoon was on him immediately, leaping for the attack because Steve was without an arch-nemesis and as such, the raccoon was here to fill that gap.

Or would if Eddie hadn't gone for a sucker punch the moment it got close.

At some other point, he'd never let the Navy guy live this down.

[grenadesandohana]

Well, the close quarters hand-to-hand combat training had not been intended for woodland mammals (though there was a guy with a story about a guard dog take-down Steve only about half believed), but Steve was adaptable!

And that was why, thirty seconds later, he was straddling an unconscious raccoon. "I feel like he was bigger a minute ago," he commented.

[justalittlerepressed]

"What the hell?" Eddie asked, hesitantly going to check on the raccoon's pulse.

[grenadesandohana]

"Him shrinking or that cool thing I did with the flip?" Steve asked.

[justalittlerepressed]

"...well, kind of both?"

[grenadesandohana]

"I have no idea why he shrank and the flip is classified."

It so wasn't.

[justalittlerepressed]

Which was why Eddie gave him the look of someone who knew better there. "What are we doing with him?"

[grenadesandohana]

"Well, he's injured now, so that makes him your problem, right?" Steve asked hopefully.

[justalittlerepressed]

"I really don't think that's how it works." Oh, Eddie. You don't know how Hawaii Five-0 worked.

[grenadesandohana]

You were 100 percent about to have this become your problem, Eddie. Sorry.

"Oh, it definitely is," Steve assured him, nodding. "Secure the, um, patient. Maybe the clinic has a place? Or the animal rescue?"

[justalittlerepressed]

"You can't just--" Eddie was too used to the reasonable authority figure of Athena Grant to realize that Steve was just going to take off before he could finish that sentence.

[grenadesandohana]

Steve was goooooooooone, Eddie.