fandomtownies | James T Kirk Memorial Causeway, Saturday Late Morning

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James T Kirk Memorial Causeway, Saturday Late Morning

Contrary to any weather patterns on the island or the mainland, the causeway was shrouded in a thick fog. Its tendrils were slowly spreading out through the streets of Fandom; if it continued at the same rate the entire town would be fog bound in a few hours. It was cold and damp and dismal, the perfect weather for a viking raid.

Or in this case...

If anyone was around, they would have heard a sound like distant rhythmic thunder start to come out of the fog. It got louder and closer until it became possible to pick out many rough deep inhuman voices in it, along with the rhythmic boom, boom of many large feet hitting the ground in unison.

Gradually large dark shadows appeared in the fog, revealing themselves as very large, very ugly.... things. If anyone was watching and knew anything about certain non-human species, they would've recognised them as trolls.

Row upon row of lots of big, ugly, vicious, dim-witted trolls stomped their way out of the fog. When they were all through, the two trolls at the head of the group called a halt to the group. You could tell they were the leaders because they both wore shiny helmets with big pointy horns on them.

"Right!" the first one, Grrarg, yelled. "We have orders. Group... you guys here," he said, waving his hand at the left handed side of the troll horde, not quite sure of counting to one. "Follow me. We go to where the females are. Protect them, stomp on anything trying to hurt them. Maybe get laid."

A cheer went up from the trolls he'd indicated, while the others looked maybe a little annoyed that they weren't chosen. Maybe not. It was hard to tell with trolls as they always looked a little annoyed.

The second leader troll, Gragrr, addressed the possibly annoyed trolls. "We go church," he said. There was a long pause as the horde waited for more, but that seemed to be Gragrr's entire motivational speech. A half-hearted cheer went up from his group more out of duty than real enthusiasm.

"Right!" Grrarg yelled, raising his large cudgel (which he called Big Stick Good For Hitting Things) over his head. "We go now! Everyone follow!"

Slowly with a lot of grumbling and other less pleasant but nonetheless usual troll noises, the group split into two and headed down the streets of Fandom to their chosen destinations.

But trolls were not known for the focus, or their dedication to a cause and as they went, a large number got distracted by all the lovely things they were passing that they could smash. As a troll brain was very small, it took little to no effort for them to forget their orders and convince themselves that they were really here to loot and pillage and rampage. Most trolls could turn anything into an imperative to loot and pillage and rampage. It was a genetic gift.

So it was that the groups that arrived at Efferton and at the church were much smaller than the groups that had started out from the causeway. And there were random groups of trolls running around Fandom having a trollish good old time hitting and smashing things.

[OOC: this is the post with the rampaging trolls. There will be threads for each location as the trolls get to them.

Locations contained herein:
J,GOB
Empire Records
ABIS
The Park
The Beach

Other locations where trolls can be found:
All and Sundries
The Arms Hotel
Efferton Manor
Our Lady of Fandom Church
The School]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Kuol didn't need much encouragement. With a growl, he stomped towards Jay, brandishing his wet bush.

Wock, who had been pulling up a bench, noticed the action and decided to bring his bench with him as he approached Silent Bob.

Jay ran straight towards the troll, yelling something, while Bob fell into a protective crouch, crowbar up and ready.

That might have been a utility belt visible under his trenchcoat.

Kuol yelled like back at Jay, possibly trying to make more noise than him. He aimed his bush right at Jay's head.

Wock had already swung when Bob dropped into a crouch. The bench shattered, but holding on to a piece of wood, Wock hit out at Bob's side.

Jay ducked under the bush and, in a stunning move of sheer genius, tried to headbutt the troll in what could be considered the region of its stomach.

Bob swung the crowbar to try and deflect the piece of wood and went sprawling over the ground.

"Umph!" Kuol went, but trolls had thick hides and he tried to swat Jay aside.

As Wock's hit was blocked, he kicked out at Bob.

Jays had thick hides, too. He hit the ground but rolled to his feet again. "You bent my bat, you bastard!"

Bob struck out at Wock's knee with the prybar without any witty repartee. He left that to his counterpart.

"Me bent you," Kuol sneered, completely unimpressed. Still using his not so handy bush, he made a wide swipe for Jay.

Meanwhile Wock howled in pain and he brought his fist down to knock Bob on the head.

"What the fuck? Learn some proper fucking English," Jay sneered in response. Surprisingly agile for a fat man, Bob tossed his prybar to Jay and rolled between Wock's legs, bouncing to his feet and reaching inside his trenchcoat again.

Jay grinned, hefting the prybar. "Bend this."

Kuol was more than happy to, he brandished the bush over his head before swinging it down.

Wock was confused for a moment, but finally seemed to realise that Bob was behind him. "No hiding," he told him, swaggering around and swiped the bench at Bob's feet.

Jay swung powerfully in return, somehow hoping that prybar would cancel out bush.

Bob jumped back and reached inside his trench coat, pulling out . . . a blowup doll. He looked at it in confusion and flung it at Wock before trying to find something else.

It did and there was a loud crack as the prybar split the bush in half. Kuol tossed it to the side and shrieked as he pounced on Jay.

The blow up doll was a distraction as it his Wock in the face. The troll started hitting and beating the crap out of it until it deflated and then it hit the thing some more.

Which gave Bob the opportunity to jump on Kuol's back, his arms latching around what little neck he could find to try and wrestle it off his hetero lifemate.

"Fly, fatass, fly!" Jay crowed, trying to punch or kick it from the other side.

Kuol shrieked loudly, and tried to pry Bob's arms loose, wanting to get the thing off of him. As Jay was beating him, Kuol stumbled backwards, trying to put distance between them.

Wock? Still beating up on the blow up doll.

"Come, son of Jor-El!" Jay crowed, snatching up a shattered piece of bench and aiming right for between Kuol's legs. "Kneel before Zod! Snootchie-bootchies!"

Bob was clinging like a clinging thing.

Kuol howled and fell to his knees. He let go of Bob's arms in favour of grabbing his crotch.

Bob flashed a thumbs up at Jay, who pumped the slab of wood over his head in victory. Bob slipped off his back with just enough time to get away before Jay swung the wood at Kuol's head.

Kuol's head hit the ground as he was knocked out.

Wock however seemed to be noticing that the blow up doll didn't do much fighting back.

Jay and Silent Bob were indulging in a little victory dance.

Wock was very very confused and stared at the dancing.

Bob stopped mid-funky-move and whacked Jay on the shoulder. Jay immediately dropped back into a fighting stance with his trusty hunk of wood and Bob reaching into his trench coat to pull out what looked suspiciously like batarangs. But not, because that would be breaking the fourth wall.

As the dancing stopped, Wock realised that he should be bashing heads. Still wielding his piece of bench, he charged at Bob and Jay.

They held their ground until the last possible moment before diving sideways, Jay swinging his blunt object for Wock's side and Bob letting his three Bobarangs fly for the troll's head.

The Bobarangs hit target and Wock's head turned to stone. By the time he hit the grass, his entire body was stone.

Jay and Silent Bob stared.

". . . fuck, did we do that?" Jay asked finally.

Bob nodded solemnly.

"Fucking awesome!" Jay gleed, leaping around their totally stoned defeated enemy in a victory dance that involved a lot of pelvic thrusting. Silent Bob just rolled his eyes and collected his weaponry and blow-up doll.

If they thought it was that easy, they were mistaken. Out of the bushes stumbled a third troll. This one was carrying a large club and he was chewing on what seemed to be a candy wrapper.

He blinked as he noticed his friends being taken out.

James T Kirk Memorial Causeway, Saturday Late Morning

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