Selkie Cove: Saturday Afternoon [10-6-07]

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

After getting a handwavey call from Phoebe, Lana had agreed to meet her down at their old hangout. She wasn't really looking forward to this conversatio or trying to explain why she hadn't called Phoebe a week ago to let her know what was going on.

She sat out on her favorite rock and stared out at the ocean while she waited, trying not to think of the fact that this was where she and Jim had had their first date and spent so much incredible time together.


[For Phoebe]

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[sensethevisions]

It didn't take Phoebe long to get there from the hotel and she really wasn't surprised to see Lana already there.

She climbed up onto the rocks and hugged her.

"Hey you. I wasn't able to find you last night."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I... wasn't at the dance," Lana admitted, hugging her friend tightly. "Did you have a good time? Anders has been so looking forward to seeing the two of you."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe held onto her.

"It was nice. I've missed people so much and missed Anders, too."

She pulled back to look at Lana. "Did you and Jim decide to do something else instad of the dance?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana tried to smile and failed miserably. "Jim's gone."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe wasn't fooled. "Gone? You mean he's off with his father again? For how long?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"For good," Lana said and swallowed hard. "His dad pulled him out permanently. He left Saturday."

[sensethevisions]

"Oh no. Oh sister-friend, I'm so sorry." Phoebe hugged Lana tightly to her. "Why didn't you call me. I would have come."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I couldn't," she said. "I wanted you to have Homecoming - you and Bel and Anders - without worrying about me."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe stroked her hair.

"Oh, Lana," she said softly. "You know I would have come to be with you immediately. Cole and Anders would have understood. You're my best friend."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I know. But Homecoming only comes once. And Jim's going to be gone..." She swallowed hard again. "He's never coming back and his dad doesn't want him to have any contact with me."

[sensethevisions]

"HIs dad is an asshole," Phoebe said darkly, hating that he had caused her best friend so much pain. "Want me to try to find him for you? Piper and I could scry or something."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"He is," Lana said with feeling.

She made a face. "He's not from either of our universes. And I'm not sure how to get to his. And even if I did, he's underage, his dad has the final say in everything."

[sensethevisions]

"Gods, I hate that," Phoebe said. She hated to see Lana hurting and not being able to help her. "Where were you last night? Please tell me you weren't somewhere alone and miserable?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Actually, I was with Chris," she said slowly. "We watched movies and I stayed there since Summer was with her boyfriend. The night before that I stayed on the couch in Ander's and Bridge's spare room."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe made a note to thank Chris for looking out for Lana -- although she did want to know why he wasn't at the dance, either.

"I'm glad you weren't alone," Phoebe said quietly. "I'll have to thank them for looking out for you for me."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I made them promise not to tell you till after Homecoming," she said. "It's not their fault."

[sensethevisions]

"I'm not upset with them," Phoebe assured her. "I might have done the same thing and not told you any bad news until a later time."

She and Lana were exactly alike in that.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

She nodded. "It hurts so much," she said. "Worse than with Shep, because with Jim... he came back. And I let myself believe that maybe this time the universe was going to let me keep someone. I wanted to spend my life with him, wanted to be with him and have Maggie and..."

She shook her head. "God, I'm stupid."

[sensethevisions]

"You are not stupid, Lana," Phoebe said firmly. "It's not your fault that Jim's dad is a heartless ass."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I should have known it would never happen," she said. "Should have known if I wanted it that badly that it would be taken away from me. I'm not like you. I don't get to keep things."

[sensethevisions]

"I only kept Cole because I was foolish enough to go into the Wastelands and get him, Lana," she said with a faint smile. "Remember, it could have killed me -- almost did -- but I had to because I couldn't live without him." She hugged her friend.

"You will get to keep a loved one, you will. Jim's dad did this to you, not life or the fates." Or the Elders who had almost allowed her sister to die.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I won't," she said. "I never will be able to. And I'm never even able to fight for them. They die or are taken beyond my reach. Even Cole couldn't take me to the Pegasus Galaxy and he can't find one random universe among millions without some sort of connection and I don't have one!"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe felt tears fill her eyes at Lana's pain as she laid her head against hers.

"I wish I could makie it all better for you, Lana. I wish I could track Shep down and kick his ass. I wish I could pummel Jim's father for you." She swallowed. "But this doesn't mean you will never get your happy ending."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I don't believe in them anymore," Lana said, wishing she really didn't. "At least not for me. I don't want to do this any more. I don't ever want to feel like this again. It hurts too damn much."

[sensethevisions]

Too bad her best friend was an empath and knew she wasn't telling the truth, huh?

"Do you remember what you told me when Cole died and I said it hurt too much to live or love any more and I didn't want to do either one again?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana shook her head. "No. But I'm sure you're going to tell me. It's just, Phoebe... it's too much - too many people. Everyone. I feel like everytime one goes I lose more and more of myself until there's going to be nothing left."

[sensethevisions]

"There will always be something left of you, Lana. No matter how many come and go, there will always be something left. You're a beautiful person and you have a large heart and... well, you're you, Lana. Because... well, if you go, I go. Remember?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I'm not going to do anything to myself," Lana said quietly. "I just... don't care if something happens to me. Why do I have to keep doing this? Why do I fall in love so easily?"