fandomtownies | Groovy Tunes, Saturday

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Groovy Tunes, Saturday

Jonothon was writing, today.

Not paperwork, no, though it was the end of the month and he was well aware there was no shortage of that to be done. No, he had his guitar out, today, and a sheet of paper, and a pencil, and he was trying to make music. He hadn't done that in far too long, and there was something about spending his week traveling Glacia, visiting the sites of some of the worst tragedies of the war that left him feeling melancholy in a way that he had to express.

It was a productive sort of melancholy, at least, more suited to an acoustic guitar and some thoughtful lyrics than sitting and moping and listening to angry music just to try to pump himself up to some emotion stronger than 'tired.' If Jono could feel more of this melancholy and less of that other one, he'd actually be pretty okay with that.

He set the pencil down after writing a bit of lyric, and then he started to play again, trying to picture in his mind what he'd be hearing if he could sing those lyrics out loud.

In the doorway, there was a Now Hiring sign, and Jono would be happy to put his guitar down for a few minutes if anybody was looking for an interview.

[Open! OCD-free!]

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Eleanor wasn't sure why she had come back to the store today. Maybe she needed more of Aunt Gracie's music, to remind herself of why she was doing this. Or to convince herself to let the idea go, to let Grace rest firmly in the past. She didn't know that a plastic disc could give her those answers, but it seemed the only way to even reach Grace's spirit.

When she entered the store, she noticed her boss noodling idly on his guitar. She gave him a nod of greeting, then stopped, realizing how ... tired? Sad? ... his eyes looked.

"Are you all right?"

//Hm?// Jono wrote down a few more lyrics on his sheet of paper, and then glanced up to see who had come in. //Oh, sorry, Eleanor. Didn't see you come in.//

That... probably answered that, considering the man was a telepath.

//I'm... tired. Yesterday involved a great deal of travel to a few places I don't entirely know if I was ready to revisit. But I'll be fine, luv, thank you. How're you doing?//

Eleanor bit her lip, realizing how close that sounded to her own travel plans. Ones she perhaps ought to be reconsidering.

"I'm ... all right, I suppose," she said. "Places ... better left in the past? Bad memories, or was there danger?"

No reason it couldn't be both.

//The danger's gone, these days. But there had been plenty of it, the last time I set foot in those places. The sort that stays with a person long after the screaming's stopped.//

Jonothon shook his head a little, setting his guitar back down on its stand.

//You ask with the sort of authority of somebody who knows what that's like.//

Which he knew, to some degree, but if it was eating at her, of course he was going to ask. She seemed as though something was chewing at her, as well.

"I'm so sorry," she said, quickly. "I ... do, yes. I wish that no one did. I suppose ... some days, it's enough that I'm not there any more, but others ..."

She let that trail off. Others, you remembered the ones who weren't.

Jono didn't need to be a telepath to know where that was going.

//Thinking of somebody from back there?//

He remembered, a while ago, when he helped her find some of her Aunt's old records, helped her find a recording of the woman's voice, so that she could remember the one person who had showed her any true kindness.

He didn't recall her ever mentioning anybody else.

"Yes," she admitted, softly. "Or those who didn't make it out at all."

Like Father, or all of the Little Sisters lost along the way.

She shrugged awkwardly. "You said -- you said you weren't prepared. Is there a way to prepare? For that sort of thing? Facing it again."

//Depends what you're expecting to encounter when you go back again,// Jono replied, after taking a moment of silence for those ones who didn't make it out. He had a list of those, himself. //For me, it was a matter of squaring my shoulders and leaping in, ready or not. It helped that I wasn't going in alone, though. I... might not have been able to, if Momoko hadn't been planning to go, too.//

That sounded a lot like what Barry and everyone else had been insisting. Bloody hell, why was everyone against her on this?

"What if there had still been danger?" Eleanor asked, watching him carefully. "In that case, you'd hardly want to risk Momoko, would you?"

//I wouldn't,// Jono replied, tilting his head a little. //But... at the same time, she's fully capable of keeping herself safe. She came to war and held her own, just the same as the rest of us.//

A beat.

//Besides, if I had been planning on making the trip without her and she found out, I highly doubt she would've let me go alone.//

Sorry, Eleanor. Jono knew how this went. He'd been dancing this dance for years.

"That's exactly it," Eleanor said, shaking her head bitterly. "Why won't people listen? They want to organize some bloody kind of party and pretend they're heroes going on an adventure and they're all going to die. And it'll be my fault."

So ... this wasn't exactly a hypothetical, right now.

Jonothon watched her quietly for a moment, and then he gave his shoulders the slightest shrug.

//Because they love you.//

He asked that same question often enough, himself.

Oh, bloody hell. It was just as bad as she was thinking. It was worse.

She wrapped her arms around herself and struggled with composure.

"Then ... if I love them," she said, "don't I owe it to them not to let them?"

//Perhaps,// Jono noted, gently. //But then, perhaps you owe it to them to come back alive, too. And there is something to be said for strength in numbers.//

He drummed his fingers on the top of the counter, just once, and then pulled himself to his feet and offered her his chair.

//C'mere. Sit. Best tell me what you're going up against before you have me speculating on the morals of a handful of vague hypotheticals.//

Eleanor took the seat, uncertainly, wondering how much it was okay to share.

She'd really said too much at this point to pretend it was just a theory. And last night, she had all but invited Raven along. She was losing this war. She might as well get someone else's opinion on it.

"It's Rapture," she said. "It's some sort of bloody nightmare. But I can get a sub, and that means I can go back. For -- for Grace. You remember, Grace, the singer?"

She lifted a shoulder. "I thought I could go back and just see if she's still alive or not. Just to know. But now all these people -- they want to come along, and help, and they're going to die. I can't let them."

//I remember,// Jono agreed. //We still carry some of her music.//

And what lovely music it was. He leaned back against the desk, with his arms crossed over his chest, musing over what she was telling him, how worried she was.

//I've got a few more questions for you, then,// he said, at length. //First, who are they? Can any of them actually hold their own in a fight? Have you got a plan for going in already, do you know you'll be able to come back out again?//

Jono had seen enough suicide runs over his lifetime to know that was a question that absolutely needed to be asked.

//And... how're you going to stop them?//

Eleanor was twisting her hands in her lap.

"I know where Grace was, last," she said. "She may well be dead. I know that I can handle myself, against splicers. I did before. I'm going to go in, and find her -- whether she's dead or alive -- and then leave again."

As for the others, well.

"Joker's fragile, but he wants to drive the sub," she said. "He's going to be a pilot, he says, and he's worried that if I leave it anywhere, it'll be stolen. I'm more worried that it'll get boarded while he's piloting, and they'll break him. I went to Celia for help locking Joker up, and she immediately volunteered. She's telekinetic -- well, the magical equivalent? And Raven and I have been in a few fights together when we weren't ourselves. Now Celia wants me to talk to Anders, as he's got magical firepower, too, but -- this is all getting out of control."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I'm thinking of stealing the sub and leaving in the dead of night," she said. "So they won't realize I'm gone until I've already left."

Jono's brows furrowed a little as he listened, nodding along. They all sounded as though they had something to contribute, as though they'd make a valuable team on a recon mission into hostile terri--

No. He closed his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. He couldn't be the soldier right now. Here was Eleanor, one of his employees and one of his students besides, worried for the well-being of her friends, with a plan to find a loved one suddenly spiraling out from underfoot.

//It's terrifying,// he allowed, //worrying that you'll be the reason somebody went running headlong to their death. Especially when the people you care about start pulling together to form an army for your sake and you have no control over any of it. And... it's something I've seen happen, time and again, since coming to this place. People pulling together, running off to play hero at the drop of a hat. Hell, the people I went to school with practically had a telephone tree of people to call when somebody was in trouble.//

So. He'd been there.

"I don't think they understand," she said slowly. "I feel like -- maybe I'm underestimating them. I hope I am. But I feel like everyone thinks this is a movie, where they're going to be brave heroes saving the day. And when they arrive, and something tries to eat their arms, and it's nothing but ugliness and mayhem and depravity ..."

She shuddered.

//You're afraid they think they're signing up for adventure, and you're going to walk them straight into hell itself,// Jonothon replied, softly. He knew hell. He'd seen Earth twisted into it first-hand at least once in his lifetime. //Have you explained to them exactly what this place is? What it does to people?//

"I've tried," she said. "I've tried telling them what it did to me. What people are like there. They nod and insist they understand. I'm not sure they're capable of understanding, not without seeing it. And I don't want them to have to see it."

Jono was quiet for a long moment, then, before he nodded.

//I understand that, too,// he noted, his words almost more a glimmer of recognition with the suggestion of a voice behind it. //Had a friend crawl into my mind once, because she insisted on seeing, on understanding something that had made me the way I was. It wasn't even real, it was only a memory. All she had to do was sit back and watch. And she couldn't. Not all of it. She saw where the nightmare began, but she could never bring herself to go back and sit through to where I woke up again. People who haven't been there... they don't understand, until they see it. They can't. How could they? They've got no basis for comparison.//

This was probably not helping convince her that there was strength in numbers, but there was a point that he intended to circle around to again, eventually.

Eleanor was holding herself very, very still. Because she did not want to cry on her boss. It was unseemly.

"Sometimes, I hate them for it," she said, her voice quavering. "For having lives where they don't have to understand. A-and others, I think I'd do anything t-to keep them from having to know."

Jono would hardly judge. There were times he didn't cry simply by virtue of being physically unable to.

//If the situation were reversed,// he said, carefully, //and they were going to a place like Rapture and forbidding you from going along, telling you that there were horrors there that you couldn't comprehend that they'd have to face alone... How would you react?//

Eleanor bit her lip. "That's not fair," she said. "I've never had friends before. I don't mind risking myself for them. I know how to handle myself. It's different."

So, yes. She'd do exactly the same thing.

//You figure you know how to handle yourself,// Jono replied. //But how do you know for certain? Have you been to their worlds, seen their situations first-hand? How many of them have had friends before coming here? Fandom is generally scarce on people who have actual ties to people back home.//

Eleanor was nodding her head, slowly. "You're right," she said. "I don't. I should -- should let them go alone, if they're going."

It was one thing to say it, but another to stomach it. She wasn't sure she'd be strong enough to make that choice.

... Oh, Eleanor. Jono lifted a hand and pinched the bridge of his nose for a moment.

//That... actually wasn't what I was getting at,// he noted, his tone taking on a wry twist. //But alright. Let's run with it, now that it's been said. They've run off to do whatever it is they need to do, in this horrifying place that's got them so scared that they wouldn't even let you along. You're sitting back here, now, waiting for word from them, waiting for some evidence that they're okay. How are you handling that? Say it was Joker who went, or Raven, or Celia.//

"I can't," Eleanor said, shaking her head. "I don't care if it's right. I can't just sit here. I'll go mad."

She exhaled, slowly. "So you're saying I'm being unfair to them," she said, finally catching his meaning. "But what's worse? Being unfair, or getting all of them killed?"

//I'm personally not a fan of getting them killed, either,// Jono noted, shrugging his shoulders. //How much room is there on the submarine, though? There's always the 'first sign of something they can't handle, they get to sit with Joker' option?//

"I imagine Barry's making it huge," Eleanor said. "He's also in favor of a team, and it lets him show off. I wish -- I wish I knew for sure, if she was all right. Risking everyone on a 'maybe,' to get there and find out she's been dead for months, feels so bloody pointless."

//Not pointless,// Jonothon replied, gentling his tone and sending a gentle wave of understanding along with his voice. //You want closure, luv. You need to know. So long as you're up-front about that much, that she might not even be alive, that it might not be a search-and-rescue mission so much as just finding out, then you've made it clear why you're going down there. If they still choose to go... well, it won't be about her, to them. It'll be about you.//

"It'll be about me," Eleanor mused. But she wasn't worth all of them risking their lives. But she couldn't exactly tell them that without sounding like a gigantic hypocrite, given that she'd do the same in their position.

"What do you think I should do?"

//In the end, it'll be your decision,// Jonothon noted, //and as your employer and a former teacher I should probably be trying to encourage you to not go at all.//

The way he rolled his eyes said that he wasn't going to be going that route, thankfully.

//But as somebody who has danced this same bloody dance a dozen times or more... They do have their own points. If you can figure out the most direct route to Grace, organizing a group to go in, hit hard, and get out fast would be the best way to do it. That's the soldier in me talking. The idiot kid who went running in headfirst to save my friends time and again says, good luck leaving without them. I doubt you'll be able to steal a submarine without Barry noticing, for a start.//

"That was kind of the sticking point," she sighed. "I can't imagine being able to break the security on his warehouse, to start."

//Admittedly, I'm wondering how he's planning to get it from the warehouse district into the water,// Jono admitted, sounding vaguely morbidly amused. A moment later, he was shaking that off, looking at her seriously. //Look, luv, I'm a soldier. Whatever Rapture has, I've likely seen something just like it in one way or another. I'm not going to force my way in if you say no, but would it help, if they insist on going, to have somebody else there who can not only fight, but who can approach whatever you're up against like the threat you know it is? Have your back when it comes to putting your foot down if it gets so bad they need to go wait back in the sub?//

Dammit. Pulling more people in was the last thing she needed. Except this sounded like a clear, logical plan of attack. One that actually might work.

"You would do that?" she asked. "I can't -- I can't promise it's safe. I mean, it isn't safe. You know that."

//I know it isn't safe,// Jonothon replied. //I know I'll likely see things there that will keep me awake for a while. But that's par for the course, really. I didn't sleep all that well in the first place.//

He shrugged his shoulders. Everything he had just said wasn't intended to sway her one way or the other. It was simply the truth. He figured she could use some honesty, right about now.

//Would it help even more if I were to reassure you that I'm very, very difficult to kill? You did see me back in the spring, luv. With the helmet.//

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Groovy Tunes, Saturday

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