The Park [Sunday Afternoon]

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty was loose.

John didn't know how it had happened but he wasn't doing that much to hunt down his errant toaster either. Nope, Toasty could wreck havoc for all he cared. So, there was a small toaster sitting on a bench in the park.

It was quiet, for now, somehow watching those who passed by. If someone paid attention to him, then maybe he'd regale said person with an amazing fit of poetry.

But, you wouldn't know until you tried, would you?

[Open! For those that don't know, Toasty is Crichton's toaster that Bridge Carson enhanced so it could talk. Toasty is not politically correct and will most likely make fun of you in rhyme. Please don't smash Toasty.]

Comments

[istherecoffee.livejournal.com]

Jake was walking through the park when he spotted the toaster sitting on the bench. That was weird even for Fandom. He stopped. "What the..?"


[OMG TOASTY!]

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

While Jake stared at Toasty, Toasty stared back before speaking with a flourish:

Oh look, it's Jake, it's Jake
He came back, he's not a flake!
Good to see you didn't forget this place!
Too bad you didn't forget your face!

He still had it!

[istherecoffee.livejournal.com]

"HEY!" Jake wasn't sure, but he thought he may have just been insulted by a fricking toaster. In rhyme. ...Wait. Something about this sounded familiar...

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty laughed, a high pitched giggle that sounded unnatural. But really, what was natural about a talking toaster?

"Oh did that offend you, make you sad?
Oh well, forget you, too bad!
You have a face that makes me shiver
It reminds me of a moldy piece of liver!"

[istherecoffee.livejournal.com]

"My face is awesome," Jake protested. "I put a lot of thought into this face!"

Why was he yelling at a toaster? Jake wasn't entirely sure, but he couldn't just let that kind of insult to his carefully crafted face go, right?

...Right?

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty laughed again. Louder. He so did love these chumps.

"Your face is gross, your nose too big
Push it up and oink like a pig!
It's really okay, it could be worse
You could be laying in the back of a hearse!"

Toasty's rhymes weren't always great but he didn't care. As long as insults existed!

[oatmanspatient.livejournal.com]

Marty took one look at the toaster sitting on the bench and had to wonder... Nah. Did Crichton still have this thing?

And why hadn't Aeryn smashed it yet?

Marty pulled out his phone and snapped a picture back home for Angela. Just to show her what she was missing.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

There was someone Toasty recognized! It had been so long, Marty, why hadn't you written?

"I remember you, I know that face!
You've got a way about you that lacks any grace!
You're a a lot older than before
God, you look like an ugly sore!"

[oatmanspatient.livejournal.com]

Marty didn't realize that toasters read mail! He'd be so sorry if he knew.

"Aw. That's not a nice thing to say!" Marty said good naturedly as he switch his phone from photo to record. "Do you have any messages for Angela? She couldn't make it."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Angela! Toasty actually liked Angela! She was the few, the proud, the one that didn't get insulted quite as badly as everyone else.

"She didn't come, she's not here?
That makes Toasty wanna disappear.
Tell her I've thought about her so much
And that I miss her touch!"

Creepy, Toasty.

[oatmanspatient.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, that's a bit creepy, Toasty," Marty said, agreeing with the narrative. "Hey! It's been good seeing you. We should do this again in another ten years. Anything you'd like to say in closing?"

Yes. He was still recording.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty knew he was kind of creepy but he thought that made him endearing!

"You suck and stink, you make me sick
You're head is nothing more than a pile of ick
Go jump off a building and into a trash pile
The continued thought of you is vile!"

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

Seifer was very glad he'd brought the heavy boots with him on this trip, because they were getting a lot of use this morning. And there was no need to go for a run, because he was getting a work out in just punting zombie gremlins down the street whenever they tried to make a run on him.

He was starting to think he should have brought his gunblade with him to the island.

And then there was the toaster. On the bench. "What the hell is the island up to now?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty didn't recognize that face but it made no difference to him. The result was going to be the same.

"Whine whine whine, is that all you can do?
Your voice makes me want to spew
It's not me, it's you, you suck
Sorry to tell you but you're a schmuck!"

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

That should have pissed Seifer off, really, but it didn't. Instead he was grinning.

"Damn, off all the weekends for Puberty Boy to not show up. I could have stuck you under his bed and watched him turn super emo for the weekend."

He may be an adult, but Seifer hadn't grown up a bit.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Now, Toasty had no idea who he was but he wouldn't take too kindly to anyone just picking him up and taking him places. He had his limits.

"You're boring, I'm bored and you're dull
Go fall down and crack your skull
I've got no time for egos and bitchy boys
Your voice is just horrible screeching noise!"

[knight-fatali.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, yeah. Keep it up and someone is going to scatter bread crumbs around you and leave you to the mercy of the ducks."

Because those ducks were as bad as the gremlins. Speaking of, there was another one that needed a kick to the head.

"Have fun, crazy toaster."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Please, he'd been around for YEARS. He was indestructible!

"Go away, go away, take your leave
The thought of you makes me wanna heave
I won't miss you, I don't care
Go get eaten by a bear!"

[no-archangel.livejournal.com]

The church had become uncomfortably overcrowded, so Gabriel strode through the park in his worn black coat, Cat following a few steps behind as if trying to pretend she didn't know that archangel.

As they passed the bench with the toaster, Gabriel suddenly turned and snapped at the poor innocent appliance:

"Begone, you piece of monkey trash!"

Cat began to clean her tail.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty remained where he was, mocking Gabriel with his continued existence.

"Is that the best you got?
I've heard better, you ain't no big shot!
You're old, you're wrinkled and smelly
In a few years, you're gonna have a big belly!"

[no-archangel.livejournal.com]

That was slightly unexpected, but Gabriel wasn't taken aback.

"You will suffer my wrath, inanimate object," he scowled, then turned away and walked off, Cat hurrying after.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty's laughter followed Gabriel's exit. He had one last parting poem as well.

"Walk away, take a hike!
You whine and cry like a little tyke!
I won't miss you, I don't care at all!
To me, all you are is small!"

[fates_jaye]

"Oh god," Jaye said when she came upon the toaster, and got her phone out for a picture.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Hey, she was familiar! Toasty knew you, Jaye! He knew and missed you so terribly!

"You're here, you've come to see me!
It's okay that you smell like a flea!
Toasty doesn't care, he loves you despite this!
Hey, when's the last time you had a kiss?"

[fates_jaye]

Jaye narrowed her eyes. "Are you hitting on me?"

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty laughed, high pitched and loud.

"Why would I do that? You're like a piece of bread
If I were to hit on you, I must be dead.
No, I'm being nice, kind like a girl scout
Because I don't wanna see your ugly pout!"

[fates_jaye]

"Oh, god, that laugh is going to haunt my nightmares," Jaye realized.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

That just meant Toasty had to laugh again! Louder this time! Hysterical even!

"You're gonna dream about me, about how my great I am?
Too bad I don't give a damn!
I wouldn't haunt you for a dime
Your face reminds me of rotting slime!"

[fates_jaye]

"Someone jammed their fork in you just... way too many times," Jaye decided. "I think I'm gonna go."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty laughed again and would have waved his hands at her if he had hands.

"Walk away, go back to your lame life
Go away and be someone's boring wife
Maybe one day you'll find your true calling
But you'll probably just spend the rest of your time bawling!"

[sith_happened]

"Aeryn hasn't shot you full of holes yet?" Anakin asked, scowling.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

As if John would let her!

"Aeryn is nothing, a stain on my life
I only let her stay as she is because she's the wife
Just like you are, old man with the girly hair
How does it feel to be a spare?"

[sith_happened]

"I'm not a spare," Anakin snapped.

Beat.

"I can't believe I'm arguing with a toaster. Again."

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty always did bring out the best in people!

"You argued and you lost, you second rate slob
I'd offer to comfort you but you're just a big knob
Your existence is a crime, a chore that hurts all
Do everyone a favor and go take a fall!"

[sith_happened]

"Your poetry is terrible," Anakin said, stomping off.

[threeweapons.livejournal.com]

Alanna has been wandering around trying to find familiar places when she spotted something else rather familiar. "Are you the toaster that Aeryn didn't like?" Then she realized she was talking to an object. Then she remembered she was in Fandom.

[whitedeathpod.livejournal.com]

Toasty was hearing Aeryn's name so much today. It was kind of annoying but expected! Aeryn secretly loved him.

"Aren't you the girl that smell like feet?
Yes, you're one that I would not like to meet.
You're rank and you're scaly, full of gross stuff.
I'd like to push you down but I don't wanna get close enough!"