fandomtownies | The rocky bits, Saturday morning (before the trip leaves)

Entry tags:

The rocky bits, Saturday morning (before the trip leaves)

Of course, Quark had gotten sucked through a hole in subspace trying to leave Deep Space Nine. Of course he did. The first time he tried setting out on his own after his own idiot brother became Nagus, and he got sucked through a hole in subspace and had to land on some backwater, primitive class-M planet, full of backwater, primitive beings.

Well. At least he could probably sell them something while he waited for someone more advanced to pick up his distress beacon.

Anyone with an eye on the skies and the rocky bits would see his little orange shuttle come in for a slightly bumpy landing on a slightly flatter place amongst the rocks, and a short, lumpy headed alien wearing a brightly colored suit come out, swearing up a storm, and kick the fins.

Stupid subspace.

[open!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, Jono had just been spending his morning sitting in the front yard, enjoying the view for the last time before the trip. He was all packed up and ready to go, and here comes this...

... Kind of can-shaped....

He was pretty sure it was some manner of ship, at any rate. And the individual who was getting out of it certainly didn't seem pleased to be here.

//Right then,// he muttered to himself. //I suppose it's my turn to play welcoming party.//

Incoming, one man on fire, making his way down the rocky bits to investigate what the damage was.

Quark heard something approaching across the rocks and spun around, wishing he had brought a phaser out with him. Or a disrupter.

He didn't have either of those, but he could replicate one!

"Oh good," he said, when he saw who it was. "The local fauna's on fire."

He kicked the ship again.

Well. Jono had seen worse reactions to his face, really.

//Something like that,// he replied, raising an eyebrow and coming to a stop not far off. //Having technical difficulties there, mate?//

"And telepathic." Quark started rearranging his priorities in his head. Telepaths tended to be hard to cheat, after all. "I'm sure it's fine. My sensors got a bit, ah, fried by a subspace phenomenon. Can you tell me what planet we're on?"

That Jono, always presenting a challenge. He shrugged his shoulders as he leaned back to look at the ship. Yep. It was definitely a ship, then.

//Earth,// he replied, glancing back at the, ah, impressively-eared man standing before him. //Fortunately, a corner of it that isn't going to lose its collective minds at the sight of an unfamiliar alien craft landing in the rocks.//

Quark had the best lobes in existence! If you asked Quark.

"Earth?! I wasn't anywhere near Earth." Stupid subspace. "How close are we to Starfleet?"

//Considering I've never heard of it, my guess would be 'impressively far,'// Jono mused. //But that's not exactly new around here. Then again, you know Earth, and this Earth at present hasn't made contact with non-human sentient life, yet.//

He paused, and then added, //With the exception of this particular island, but it's a strange place and might not be terribly helpful to you, either.//

"Time travel," Quark grumbled. "I hate time travel." He sighed. "Well, my translator's working, so you all must've stopped irradiating your own planet -- or . . . haven't started doing that yet?"

He hated time travel.

"Can't say I remember hu-mans being fireproof, either."

//Time travel, or else you've skipped a few realities to the left. Possibly both,// Jono allowed, inclining his head a bit. //The irradiated planet thing is news to me, but give the current president time and I've got no doubt in my mind he'll ruin that for everyone, too.//

Jono had Opinions. Fortunately, most sane people shared them.

//And I'm not entirely human, myself. Generally, we're not terribly fireproof.//

"Some sort of cyborg?" Quark guessed. Since he'd said that there was no contact with interstellar species yet. "You know, I could get you a good deal on some, ah, advanced Ferengi technology. Might help with the . . ." He gestured vaguely to the amount of fire coming off Jono's face and torso. "Overflow."

//It's biological, but I appreciate the sentiment,// Jono replied, raising an eyebrow. Stranded on a strange Earth and this man wasted no time trying to turn a profit. That was almost impressive, really. //Ferengi? That what you are, then?//

"That's right. Name's Quark. An, uh. Official representative of the Ferengi Alliance. Brother of the Nagus himself, even! It's quite the honor, getting my visit."

Last time he'd tried this tack he'd gotten threatened with dissection. But the bigger the risk, the bigger the profit!

//Be more honoured about it if you'd intended to come here and if I knew what a Nagus was,// Jono pointed out, amusement in his voice. //But sure, welcome to Earth, Quark. I'm Jonothon. Business owner and occasional teacher, sometimes protector of those who can't protect themselves, when I can be bothered.//

Well. At least he admitted it.

Quark waved a hand dismissively. "Of course, of course, you're a hu-man after all." Hu-mans were all about protecting and nobility and all that crap. "There, ah. A lot of business on this island?"

Seriously, Quark's dedication to gaining profit was already a sight to behold. Jono tilted his head, impressed, before replying.

//Depends on what kind of business you're looking to make,// he settled on. //We get all types here. Might even be worth noting that plenty of the people around here can't exactly wander off to the mainland.//

Himself included, when he wasn't feeling like wrapping up.

//Do with that what you will.//

What? Quark had his priorities in order, okay?

"What sort of leisure facilities do you have?"

They were totally sound priorities!

//Two bars and an arcade,// Jono supplied. //A spa, and a gym if you prefer your leisure a little more physical. Have something in mind, did you?//

"You people really aren't familiar with Ferengi, are you," Quark mused, then brightened. "I mean, because if you were, you would know that Ferengi aim to please!" Themselves. "It's our custom to, ah, seek out new life and new civilizations! And once we find those civilizations, we note the holes in their local economy and do our best to help fill them." For their own profit. "It sounds, for instance, like this . . . adorable little island is sadly lacking gambling facilities."

Those noble, socially necessary gambling facilities.

//Gambling facilities,// Jono echoed. //Why, such a noble enterprise.//

He would have delivered that line about as dryly as the Sahara if he wasn't so bloody amused that this guy thought he'd buy that he was out for anything beyond personal gain.

Especially with a casino.

What? Leisure activities were extremely important for healthy humanoids! Gambling just added a nice extra level of excitement to the mix!

"Absolutely! You get me. Well, a casino and the holosuites of course."

//Holosuites?//

Okay, there was Jono's curiosity piqued. Now that he wasn't teaching, he'd need some stand-in for the Danger Shop.

... Preferably something that wouldn't actually try to kill him. He had some measure of experience with that sort of thing already.

"Oh my, you know, I forgot that you wouldn't have those here yet." He had not forgotten that, no. "Holosuites are wonderful things, and I've got the equipment in my shuttle for two of them! State of the 24th century art, they are, and with loads of ancient Earth programs already loaded! Just imagine, stepping into a room the size of -- of -- well, smaller than my shuttle, here, and yet once the program gets running you'll swear you were right there in ancient Las Vegas."

//Ancient Las Vegas,// Jono echoed, amused. //You're in the 21st century now, rather near to the start of it, so I don't imagine it's as ancient to me as you'd expect.//

He paused, and then added, //Where I'm from, we've got something a bit like that. And they've got similar technology up at the school. But the one I use back home is prone to occasional bouts of homicidal tendencies or developing free will, and the one up at the school isn't generally for public use.//

Quark's holosuites on Deep Space Nine were prone to occasional computer errors wherein people got trapped as holographic spy novel characters, too, but hey: at least here there were no transporter buffers to go screwy on them?

"So there's an economic niche needing to be filled right there! Tell me . . . have you ever wanted to fight in the Battle of the Alamo? That was a big seller in my last bar."

Mostly because O'Brien and Bashir played it on a weekly basis, admittedly.

//Not particularly,// Jono replied, mostly because he had experience with more modern wars, he couldn't imagine wanting to participate in them for fun, too. //But I imagine you've got more to choose from than that. How is it with music events?//

"Well, just pick your poison!" Quark said. Bashir was terribly fond of mid-20th century kitsch, after all. "We've got your lounge singers, your 'juke joints', even something I think was called a . . . 'root-stock'? And a full compliment of Klingon operas, of course." He paused, and frowned. "Not that you have any idea what a Klingon is."

//Not that I have any idea what a Klingon is,// Jono agreed.

He and Worf had just missed one another, apparently.

//Woodstock, though? I'd be interested in that.//

He kept threatening to abuse Portalocity to go watch it repeatedly just because what else was an interdimensional nexus for, but seeing it this way seemed a little less like a logistical nightmare.

And slightly less likely to get him stranded in a world without shrimp!

"Tell you what, stop by once I get set up and I'll let you have an hour for free."

Not that Jono would miss the shrimp much either way, granted.

//... Sure, why the hell not?// Jono was pretty sure that was a little bit like offering the first hit of anything that was a terrible idea to get hooked on, but considering the way this island was either mind-numbingly boring or outright trying to kill everyone, maybe he could use the distraction anyway. //Looking forward to seeing what you come up with, mate.//

The holosuites would be much easier to take Jono's money with than the gambling, anyway.

Honestly, Quark gave up on getting Jono to play dabo the moment he knew he was a telepath. Rule of Acquisition #216: "Never gamble with a telepath."

"Thank you! Now, uh." Quark turned in a small circle. "Which way is the town?"

None of what he could see from this spot looked like much.

Smart rules, really, weren't they? Jono just gave Quark a vaguely amused look and pointed in the direction of Loon Drive.

//You should be able to get to... the only road in that direction, actually, if you walk a minute or two,// he shared. //From there you can pick left or right, either will take you into some part of town. Left's got more food, right's got both the bars.//

Both within a block of each other, which seemed like an odd choice to Jono, but who was he to judge the business choices of... was it demons and vampires? He had no idea.

Walking. How . . . primitive.

"Well. Thank you again. I, uh, trust that the shuttle will be just fine back here?"

He'd move it to a better parking space eventually, and it was locked up tight, but it helped to make sure.

//It's usually fairly quiet back here,// Jono assured him, //and quite a few people are leaving today for a week-long vacation elsewhere on the planet, so it'll be quieter still. But if you're worried about it, you might want to stop by the scrapyard in town. It's right along the road if you take the right. Never needed it myself, but I've heard tell there's a lot for safely parking spacecraft, there.//

Which was possibly a slightly conflicting message with the whole 'never met aliens on this particular Earth' thing, but Jono figured Quark would come to grasp the nature of the island sooner or later, anyway.

"How do I know the owner won't try to sell it for scrap?"

Quark had worked hard for this shuttle! Do you know how many people he'd had to swindle?!

//Far as I can tell, she's got plenty of scrap to work with already,// Jono replied with a shrug. //And she's a pilot, herself. Respects other people's ships, would likely be run off the island if she pulled something like that.//

Jono paused, and then by way of explanation added, //Small towns.//

Hannibal finished readying his own luggage, then sent Jono a thought asking what he'd found out there.

Then, finding out they had an unintentional (and rather capitalistic) guest, he brought himself down to meet the person, bringing with him a map of the island and local directory.

He nodded at Quark as he arrived. "Good morning."

Huh. It was morning, apparently. "Good morning!" Quark greeted cheerfully.

Judging by that suit, this hu-man had money.

"The name's Quark. Pleasure to meet you."

He did indeed. Unfortunately for Quark, he had just as much sense.

"A pleasure," Hannibal agreed, holding out his hand. "Doctor Hannibal Lecter. You've met my husband." He waved at Jono. "I understand you're here unintentionally?"

"And a handsome couple you two make, too!" Quark was really wondering about how Hannibal got around all that fire, but he was also pretty sure he didn't want to know. He already knew too much about other species mating habits, thanks to Deep Space Nine. "And, no, I'm afraid not. I was just heading off after closing down my last bar, looking for a new adventure, and what do you know, my whole shuttle got swallowed up by a hole in subspace. Darnedest thing. Still, what is a Ferengi if not open to new opportunities?" To make obscene amounts of profit. "I hear this island is in desperate need of a new casino and lounge."

Hannibal raised an eyebrow. "We have no desperate need that I'm aware of, but neither do we have a casino, and it would certainly not be the strangest thing to happen here."

He held out the island map and business directory. "I compiled these for a previous guest, and thought they might be of use. I take it," he nodded at the shuttle, "that you are at least from a world with space travel, and one that is accustomed to different species?"

"Every town needs a casino." Possibly not one run by a ferengi. "Space travel, occasional time travel, why I once ended up in an alternate universe for a little while." And nearly died. It happened. "Your husband mentioned this was the 21st century, pre-first contact, but you all seem perfectly fine with aliens to me."

"Very good; you have an advantage to many of the people here, if you are acquainted with those things," Hannibal said. "This island includes people from many different worlds and times. My version of Earth is unfamiliar with any aliens, magic, or other worlds; my husband's has seen all of those things."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The rocky bits, Saturday morning (before the trip leaves)

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject