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Barbossa "Schedules are for other people" Radio

"G'day me hearties 'n welcome t' Friday evenin' wit' the pirate!" Barbossa said.

It was even Friday night, which was, to be frank, a completely lucky guess on his part. "Tonight's theme be music that be gettin' ye ready t' go outside. I also be openin' the help lines fer those o' ye completely confused about what ye supposed t' be doin' next Thursday. It be Valentine's Day, a day ye give wenches chocolate in exchange fer sexual-type favors."

Not really, no. "It be me favorite holiday, except fer I never buy anythin'."

That, at least, was true.

He flipped on Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive" and cranked it.

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And make it awesome.

Your funeral...

Gavin thought he needed advice.

Badly.

So, he was calling the radio station for the first time ever.

"This be the pirate 'n ye be on the air!" Barbossa replied. "What be yer problem?"

"Yeah, this whole holiday thing's confusing," Gavin said. "What's the deal with the little guy who flies and shoots arrows?"

"Completely naked?" Barbossa shrugged. "I be havin' no idea. I do be knowin' that tryin' t' shoot a wench in order t' get her t' love ye hardly ever works."

"No, I think he's got like a towel on," Gavin said. "I only saw pictures. Is he Santa's brother?"

"I don't think so?" Barbossa said thoughtfully. "He might' be the New Year's baby out on a spree."

"New Year's baby?" All right, now Gavin had other questions. "Isn't anyone afraid these things are going to team up and take people out? I mean, this Valentine's guy has arrows, Santa has a flying sled and knows everything. That's a lot of power."

"He also sees ye when yer sleepin'," Barbossa said wisely. "'n wait until ye learn about the leprechauns."

"What're those?" Gavin asked. "Symbols of some other holiday?"

"Saint Patrick's Day," Barbossa said, nodding. "A day devoted t' drinkin' 'n pinchin' wenches."

Sort of...

"Pinching?" Like Gavin didn't think this planet was weird. "Better than arrows, I guess. I'm really concerned about this guy shooting people with his arrows while he's half naked."

"Ye'd think he'd be more concerned about someone shootin' him back," Barbossa mused.

"...I have a blaster," Gavin said thoughtfully. "Are we allowed to shoot holiday symbols?"

"I don't see why ye couldn't..."

"Well, I don't want to piss off this planet's...overlords or whatever," Gavin said. "Bad luck for life kinda thing."

"Ehh, their power is mostly greetin' card based these days," Barbossa replied.

"Right." He was so shooting at some little flying thing if he saw it. "Thanks for the advice! Hopefully I don't have to shoot anyone but it's good to know I can without getting into trouble."

"If ye hit Tinkerbell, I be havin' nothin' t' do with it," Barbossa said hastily.

"I know who that is and I'll avoid her," Gavin promised. "Thanks!"

And Gavin hung up the phone, feeling better now that he knew he could defending himself against little men with wings and arrows.

The squirrels love company!

Willow stopped by the studio with a bag. "Hi hi!"

Cue the wee squirrel-y cheering. "Ahoy, wench!" Barbossa said with a grin. "Ye be a mite early fer yer shift."

"I figure it's never too early to start the notes on the notes," Willow said. No, she wasn't kidding. She knelt down so she could be closer to squirrel level. "Besides, this way I can say hi and share snacks!"

Six little pairs of paws were immediately held out for her.

They liked snacks.

"Hi hi hi hi hi hi," Willow said to each of the squirrels. She reached into her bag and pulled out a container of honey-covered almonds and went to hand them out. "Are you all okay with sweets? You'll brush your teeth later, right?"

Six little heads nodded in unison.

Little liars.

"Honey-covered almonds for everyone then," Willow said. She handed them out to make sure everyone got an even share. "Barbossa? Would you like some?"

He got skewered with six squirrel-y glares.

Which he ignored. "Aye, I would," he said with a grin.

Willow gave him a handful as well. "So how is the show going?"

"I like t' think I be helpin' th' poor, deluded masses," Barbossa said modestly. "I be workin' t' make sure they be doin' well fer the upcomin' holiday devoted t' the nekkid baby wit' the weaponry."

"It's National Child Labor Day already?" Willow asked.

"Th' other one," Barbossa said, not missing a beat. "Valentine's Day."

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," Willow said. "That too. So are you having a date with a special somebody?"

She went to give the squirrels skritches while she talked. Assuming the squirrels didn't mind.

The squirrels were more than okay with getting skritches.

"I be not want t' be tied down t' jes' one wench," Barbossa told her.

And he didn't want to pay for dinner.

"Two special somebodies then?" Willow guessed. She tried to skritch all the squirrels equally.

Barbossa winked at her. "Perhaps."

It never hurt to keep up an interesting reputation.

"Are they cute? Are they nice? Should I stern face at them?"

Willow thought Barbossa was a nice guy. After all, the squirrels liked him.

"They be very nice," Barbossa said, thinking of the harlots of Tortuga. "They be knowin' how t' make a man feel appreciated."

"Awww," Willow said. "Well then yay for that. Happy violent inappropriately dressed toddler day!"

"And to ye," Barbossa said, nodding. "Big plans wit' th' superior Peter?"

Willow smiled at Barbossa for using the correct name. "Oh yes. There shall be dancing and pretty outfits and then things that won't be mentioned on radio."

"Scrapbookin'," Barbossa said knowingly.

Willow tapped the side of her nose in a knowing fashion.

La!

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Barbossa "Schedules are for other people" Radio

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OOC